“It has to be a prank.” God knew, the SEALs loved a good joke. This one seemed kind of elaborate, but sometimes the guys had too much thinking time on their hands. “Did you call the registry department and verify this? Or do you believe anything someone writes on a piece of paper?”
“The registry department,” Levi said tightly, “apparently had a close encounter with a tropical rainstorm two weeks ago. Most of the roof went and the filing system took a direct hit. No one is answering the phones because half the staff is on leave while the government rebuilds. The half of the staff that is still working has neither the time nor the inclination to wade through thousands of waterlogged pieces of paper looking for a certificate that might or might not be there.”
Ouch.
“Since it’s easy to blow someone off when there’s two thousand miles between you and them, I planned on going down there since I had some leave coming to me,” Levi continued. “Because I assumed you’d want this taken care of.”
For once, she had to agree with him. “If this is true, I want a divorce.”
Immediately. How fast could you get divorced in Belize?
“I wasn’t looking for a life sentence, either.”
No. It had to be a fake, a joke, anything other than real. “We can’t possibly be married. Whatever you did, fix it.” She slapped the papers against his chest.
“How is this my fault?” He got that stubborn, badass look on his face, but to hell with him. He didn’t scare her and she was tired of his crap.
“You’re here. You’re the one telling me we’re married. Prove it to me.”
He yanked the hem of his T-shirt up, revealing flat abs and, God, a perfect six-pack. “You want to skip straight to the honeymoon? Good idea.”
* * *
“YOU PIG. DO NOT get naked in my office.” Ashley pokered up the second he flashed her.
Ice queen didn’t like his approach? Too damn bad.
She didn’t get to tell him what to do. This mess wasn’t his fault. Of course, if he was being honest, it wasn’t hers either, but he didn’t feel like being fair right now. Hell, he’d just discovered that he was married to a woman who wanted to murder him. It hadn’t been a good week.
He leaned in and delivered his ultimatum. “Put in for vacation time, because we need to go down there and sort it out.”
If looks could kill, he’d be dead, planted and decaying. Vacationing with him was apparently not on her bucket list, but she’d just have to get over it. If he had to deal with this, so did she.
“It can’t be legal. We didn’t fill out an application or sign anything. This isn’t my fault.”
And that automatically made it his?
“You can’t make me go,” she continued petulantly. Fighting words. Yeah...she was pissed off, all right. He entertained the idea of unloading her gun, but he wasn’t suicidal.
“I think I can.” He knew the look she got when she was thinking about taking him out, and chances were his teammates had been right. Given the right opportunity, she’d skip the annulment and go straight for the kill shot.
“Really?” She drawled the question and his blood pressure soared. “Walk me through it, big guy.”
Jesus. Maybe, just once, she could lay off the sarcasm and admit that he was right. It wasn’t even like he wanted to be right about their just-married status. He’d have been deliriously happy to find out he’d been mistaken. “I’m not the one who has something to lose.”
She smiled and, okay, it was probably wrong that the mean look she got right before she went after him turned him on so much. He had a kink in his think that he should work on. Later. After he was single again. “Did you ask permission of your commanding officer before you went and got yourself married on a mission?”
“Nope, but I’m thinking the worst I get is an ass-chewing for being dumb enough to stand in for the groom.” His unit had already made it clear they’d never let him live the marriage down. They’d started calling him Wedding Ken and one wiseass had bought him a pair of matching his-and-hers ring pops. “But I can go out and announce to all of your colleagues that we’re married.”
She didn’t back down. “Awkward, but I’ll live.”
One of the useful things about Ashley was that she froze when she lied. She probably didn’t realize that she stilled, as if all of the brain cells in that downright enormous brain of hers diverted to creative thinking and forgot to keep her body in motion. The way she’d stopped moving when she’d dismissed his threat screamed concern. All he needed to do was push a wee bit harder and she’d be on that plane with him.
“I’ll give them all the details, Dixon. With photos. You in a white bikini with BRIDE bedazzled over your perky little ass.”
“You wore matching swim trunks,” she pointed out, her magnificent boobs rising and falling as her temper picked up steam. The top button on her blouse was in serious danger of blowing, a development that he’d enjoy as he had nothing but admiration for her breasts, but she’d care. Maybe he’d let her know. In a minute. Or six.
“I passed your HR department on the way in.” He grinned, keeping half an eye on that button. “Shall I plan on making a pit stop there...?”
“What are they going to do? Throw me a bridal shower?” The button didn’t budge, damn it, but a mocking smile curved her lips. Kissing the smirk away became his new plan B.
“After I pay a visit to Human Resources, you’ll be drowning in paperwork. I’ll be on your life insurance, your 401K beneficiary form, and your DNR. You’ll spend years untangling our lives. Plus, it’s not like we eloped to Vegas on our downtime. We got hitched on a tropical island that promotes kinky sex.”
She treated him to another eye roll. “I’m trying not to remember that part.”
Then she was going to love what he had to say next.
“I read the news this morning. The DEA is in the middle of a sex scandal, babe, and some of your agents in a South American country that shall not be named? They liked to attend cartel-sponsored sex parties and Fantasy Island won’t look good in that light. When you take the stand in the Marcos case in two weeks, the defense lawyer will have a field day with you.”
He watched her gorgeous face as she chewed his words over. If Marcos’s lawyer found out she and Levi had gotten married on a tropical island known for sex games, the headlines wouldn’t be good. At best, her reputation would be shot. At worst, she’d be looking at a demotion or getting fired.
“You’d get in trouble too,” she countered. Right. They’d covered his lack of permission from a superior officer—and his lack of concern. His wasn’t a career-ending move even if Command wouldn’t be thrilled. He hadn’t been on leave and he sure hadn’t asked permission—but he also hadn’t thought he was really tying the knot.
“And I’ll get a slap on the wrist. You want to risk your next promotion? Because I heard you had a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that you’re over the moon about.”
“This is blackmail.”
He shrugged. Having had some experience with skirting the grayer edges of the law, he knew better than to admit anything out loud.
“You’re willing to commit a felony to force me to accompany you?” Her voice rose, and the button on her blouse slipped further.
In answer, he blew her a kiss.
“You suck,” she bit out.
“One hundred percent, babe.” He definitely had her now.