The Happiness List. Annie Lyons

makes Margaret Thatcher look weedy but at least I know my kids are safely tucked up when she’s in charge.’

      Heather looked distracted for a moment. ‘Sorry, Fran, I am listening. I just heard that boy singing – he sounds a bit like Ed Sheeran. How old do you think he is?’

      As Fran tuned in, a look of horror spread over her face. She stood up. ‘Fourteen,’ she said. ‘He’s fourteen.’

      ‘How do you know?’ asked Pamela.

      Fran made for the bar. ‘Because that’s my bloody son and I’m going to kill him!’

      The evening had fallen apart after that. Fran frogmarched a mortified Jude from the pub but not before she’d given the landlord an earful. From the thunderous look on her face, her mother was in for similar treatment.

      As Heather let herself back into the house a while later, she could hear the television and peered into the lounge to find Luke asleep on the sofa. Her heart soared at the sight of him. She knelt down, watching him for a moment. He stirred and opened his eyes, smiling as he saw her. She leant over to kiss him.

      ‘You’re home,’ she said.

      ‘I’m home.’ He smiled.

      ‘You should have called me. I went for a drink with Fran and Pamela – I would have come straight home if I’d known.’

      ‘It’s okay, beautiful,’ he said, stroking her cheek. ‘I had a report to write. Anyway, how was your day?’

      She grinned and took out her phone to show him a photograph. A Facebook notification popped up – Gemma had tagged her in a post. It was a picture of Heather and Freddy smiling at one another with the words,

       Hanging out with my favourite auntie.

      ‘Look.’ She held out the phone for Luke to see.

      He frowned at the picture. ‘Oh wow, look at you,’ he said, making no comment about the baby.

      ‘Isn’t Freddy cute?’ she insisted.

      Luke shrugged. ‘Yeah, I guess. How was Gem? Feels like ages since I’ve seen her.’

      Heather felt a prickle of disappointment. ‘Yeah, it was great to see her – she was tired but well. She loves being a mum.’

      ‘That’s good.’ She moved to snuggle next to him, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. ‘Oh hello,’ he said, leaning down to kiss her.

      ‘Hello.’ She smiled, pulling back slightly. ‘So listen…’

      ‘Uh-oh, sounds serious. What’s up?’

      Heather felt her mouth go dry. Where to start? This was a big life question. She didn’t want to mess it up and she didn’t want to scare off Luke either. ‘Well, when I was with Gemma and Freddy today, she mentioned in passing that she didn’t think you were very keen on having kids.’

      ‘She said that?’

      Heather felt a twist of panic that he wasn’t flatly denying it. ‘She did. And it made me realize that we’d never talked about it properly and that I’d stupidly assumed that we would just have kids one day.’

      Luke sat up and ran a hand through his hair. ‘O-kay, well if I’m honest, I haven’t given it much thought.’

      Heather turned to face him and was taken aback by his guarded expression. She reached for his hand. ‘Well, maybe we should talk about it. We’re about to get married – it feels pretty important.’

      Luke shifted in his seat. ‘O-kay.’

      Heather took a deep breath. ‘Well, personally, I know I’d like a family. I love the idea of miniature versions of you and me and I think we’d make great parents. What about you?’

      Luke gave a faint smile. ‘I don’t know. I guess I still feel as if I’m too young to think about it. To be honest, I’m not about planning years into the future. I’ve got you, I’ve got my job. We’re getting married and that’s enough for now.’

      Enough for now. That sounded reasonable. Maybe rushing into the future was wrong. Maybe it was better to live in the present. ‘But you’re not ruling out kids?’ she asked.

      He put an arm round her shoulder and kissed her cheek. ‘Of course not. I think we should enjoy our lives now and see what happens.’

      She stole a glance at him. ‘Okay, well I’ve kind of offered to have Freddy overnight for Gemma.’

      ‘Oh. Huh,’ said Luke, nodding slowly.

      Heather nudged him. ‘Listen, it’s going to be great. He’s my godson and he’s very cute. It might just give us some perspective on parenthood.’

      Luke gave a resigned smile. ‘Okay. I’m not great with babies but, you know, if you’ve offered and it helps out Gemma then fine.’

      Heather nodded. Enough for now. She stood up, feeling heavy with tiredness. ‘It’s been a long day,’ she said. ‘I’m going to grab a glass of water and head up to bed.’

      He caught hold of her hand. ‘Okay, beautiful. I won’t be long. I love you, Heather Brown.’

      ‘I love you too.’

      I really do love you, she thought as she filled a glass from the tap and stood frowning out at her reflection. And maybe that was enough for now but there was a seed of uncertainty threatening to take root in her heart. What if Luke never wanted kids? Would Heather be happy with that? What did she actually want from her life? Would enough for now be enough for ever? Maybe the truth she blurted out in the pub was just that. Maybe she really was a lost soul, still searching for what she needed and maybe, at the moment, she needed the course more than she cared to admit.