And his promise to himself about never coming back to Forgeburn for any reason—fat lot of good that had done him because here he was. Maybe he deserved to be here, if only to remind him of what he could have become. Or what Janice could have become if he’d kept his promise. “Care for a margarita?” he asked Ellie, who sat down at a patio table across from him.
“I don’t drink,” she said. “Water’s good, though.”
“I seem to recall a couple of mojitos in Reno. But if you don’t drink now...” He shrugged. “Water, vegetarian—that sounds like a mighty healthy lifestyle.”
“We all make our choices, I suppose. My mom’s diabetic and my dad, well, I never knew him because he was a number in a sperm catalogue. Someone with the right qualities to produce a good baby.”
“That’s what your mother told you?”
“We Landers women are very—forthcoming.”
“And it doesn’t bother you, knowing you were...”
“You can say it. I was the product of my mother’s egg and her donor of choice. Now, about that water...”
He was stunned by how casually she took her parentage. It was simply a matter of fact, move on. He didn’t know whether to admire it or pity it. “Well, I did find a few healthy things in the fridge and put a couple of salads together. Lots of pico de gallo, avocado, cilantro, corn, tomatoes—that sort of thing. I didn’t add the jalapeños because I wasn’t sure you could do spicy.”
“I do spicy just fine, as long as it’s not too spicy.”
Matt stood. “Well, let me go get dinner, then.”
“Lucas is in bed?” she asked.
“Asleep before his head hit the pillow.” He took a few steps toward the veranda door then stopped but didn’t turn to face her. “Is it mine?” he asked, quite simply.
“Is what yours?”
“The baby. I’m assuming it’s mine, or otherwise you wouldn’t be here.” Matt blew out a long, anxious breath. “You did come to tell me I’m going to be a father, didn’t you?”
“I did.”
He nodded, his composure perfectly intact, then went into the house, leaving Ellie sitting alone outside. Once he got in, however, his passive demeanor gave way and his knees nearly buckled under him. In fact, it was all he could do to make it from the dining area just inside the door to the kitchen, which wasn’t more than about twenty steps. And with every step he took he fought to push it out of his mind. Willed himself to not think. Forced himself to pick up the salads, pour Ellie a glass of water and make that long trip back outside to her. Not that he’d be able to eat now. Just the thought of food almost caused him to gag.
“I made some tortillas to go along with the salad,” he said, sitting back down, deliberately not looking at her, even though he knew she was staring at him.
“Are you always this cool under pressure?” she asked.
“When you work in a battlefield, you have to be cool.”
“But this isn’t a battlefield, Matt, and you’re not working.”
“No, I’m not. But what I am doing is trying to figure out where this conversation goes from here. It’s a first for me.”
“How about something where you’re very excited about becoming a dad. Or you’re very angry. Either one would be a start.”
“But I’m not excited. Not angry either. I’m just...stunned. That’s big news and I need some time to let it sink in.”
“I’m not here to pressure you,” Ellie said. “But I didn’t think this kind of news should be dealt with over the phone, which is the real reason I’m here. I came to tell you in person. So, any initial thoughts...reactions?”
He poured himself a glass of margarita, took a long drink, then finally looked at her. “Numb. I’m numb. And shocked. And confused.” He took another drink. “So, now it’s your turn. Tell me how you’re feeling.”
Ellie actually laughed. “At first, pretty much the same way you are. I didn’t plan this, Matt. We used protection. I know you mentioned that the condom had slipped but I wasn’t fertile—at least, I shouldn’t have been. I mean, having a little fling in a hotel with a stranger isn’t me. I’ve never done that before. Then to have this happen as a result...” She shook her head. “It certainly changes things, doesn’t it?”
It did, and he wasn’t anywhere close to being ready to think about them. First things first. He had to come to terms with a baby—his baby—coming into this world in what he estimated to be about another twenty-three weeks, give or take. “So, should I ask the obvious? Are you sure it’s mine?”
“You were the first man I’d been involved with in over four years, and there’s been nobody since. But, if you need proof, we could have tests...”
This discussion was too rigid. It was as if they were talking about something impersonal, like what kind of tongue depressors to order. But damn. Matt didn’t know the etiquette or protocol for this kind of situation, if there was such a thing. “No. I don’t need proof.” He trusted her. Even though he didn’t know Ellie that well, something about her made Matt trust her. Maybe because she was—different. Very honest, very open. He’d found that an attractive quality when he’d met her in Reno.
This is what it is, Matt. No strings. Only a diversion for a night. Can you handle that?
It was especially attractive as no one in his life had ever been open or honest with him. Going for a walk, his old man would say. Be right back. Except right back often turned into two or three weeks. There’ll be food on the table tonight, son. I just got paid. Except the only thing on the table was an empty booze bottle.
So, yes, he appreciated her honesty. Now more than before. “I believe you. So, what’s the bottom line here, Ellie?” It occurred to him he didn’t even know her real name. Was Ellie short for Eleanor or Elizabeth or Elena? And did she have a middle name?
“The bottom line is I came to Forgeburn to see if you want to be involved in this. It’s your child, too, and you have every right to be a father in any way you want.”
“You don’t mince words, do you?”
“Like I said about the Landers women... Anyway, I knew after I passed out you’d probably suspect something like this. Especially since we were just a fling. So why bother pretending it’s anything other than what it is? We took the first step together in creating this child, I took the second step in coming here to tell you, so now the next step is yours.”
“As in financial obligation? Because I don’t have a lot. I’m military, not private sector. But I’ll certainly do my part.”
“I was thinking something a little more substantial than that.”
Matt swallowed hard. Something was coming, and it wasn’t going to be good. “Define more substantial.”
“Well, I’m not going to raise this baby. I don’t want to be a single mom the way my mother and grandmother both were. The women in my family lack maternal instinct, and this baby wasn’t in my plan. But I want to make sure he, or she, gets the best possible start in life. After that, I’m going to step aside because my life won’t accommodate a child, and I don’t want to raise a child the way my mother raised me—with tutors and nannies. Which is what would happen, given my involvements. Children need more than that, more than I had, and I don’t have what they need. I’m smart enough to realize that. So, for starters, no abortion. We created this child, and it deserves a chance at life. Even though I’m only eighteen weeks along, I feel...an attachment.”