Strictly come laughing
I think I must be the only contestant in the history of Strictly Come Dancing to put on weight during the show. But how did I end up waltzing on the sparkliest dancefloor on TV after turning it down? It was all down to Oprah. No, really.
After I’d finished the 12-week plan, I went on Jason Vale’s Juice Retreat in Portugal. I go every year to detox, unwind and re-set. Each guest is given a book in their room when they check in and that year I was given Oprah Winfrey’s biography. I picked it up and the first page that opened had a single quote on it, from a song by Lee Ann Womack. Of all things, it was about choosing to dance if you have the chance.
Now, I’m a big believer in signs, chance and circumstance and all that, but even if I wasn’t, there was no denying that was a bit weird. I showed my mum, who’d come with me, and she simply said, ‘Get Becca on the phone’, so I rang and said, ‘Let’s do it.’ I knew Strictly was a huge opportunity and I also knew I was in a far better headspace to deal with being back on primetime telly again. I was more confident, self-assured and mature. I felt like I could handle it. Thank you, 12-week programme!
But that didn’t mean I wasn’t nervous as hell. I’d never danced properly before in my life! Actually, I tell a lie. I went to a local dance school when I was six or seven years old for a few months before swapping it for karate. That was the sum total of my dancing experience. It also didn’t help that when my name was announced I’d get tweets saying, ‘Ha! You’re too big to dance’ or ‘Can’t wait to see you try to dance in heels’. In the back of my head I was thinking, ‘My mum used to call me a baby elephant… and I am rubbish in heels. What have I done?’ (My friends actually got me a bracelet with a baby elephant on before the live shows and I’ve not taken it off since.)
I was very lucky in the partner I had, Aljaž Škorjanec. It was never a case of learning the dance and him going, ‘Right – off you go!’ I’d tell him I didn’t feel elegant and he’d say, ‘Well, you’re an actress, aren’t you? Act that you are.’ Before each dance, he’d remind me how well I’d done in training saying, ‘You’ve got one minute thirty seconds to prove everyone who says you’re too big to dance or too muscly to be in a ballgown wrong!’ We must have done, because we got to the final! During week 4 though, I tripped up the stairs as we were walking off and I think you can hear me say, ‘Oh shit!’ on the telly. I was like, ‘I can’t even walk up the frigging stairs in heels!’
Aljaž is not only an incredible dancer, but one of the funniest people I’ve ever met and I was having such a good time I let my diet slide, putting on nearly a stone. Everyone was like, ‘You’re dancing every day – how can you put weight on?’ But the dancing was nothing compared to the intensity of the training I was used to and I was still getting up at 4.30am every day for the radio show, so I simply didn’t prioritise food. I could have, had I really tried, but I wanted some time off, so if Aljaž and I fancied jacket potatoes with cheese, we’d have them! Whereas normally I’d think I can’t really eat like I was every single day, because I was having such a laugh – and because I knew what I needed to do coming out the other end of it – it didn’t bother me.
When I went back to the gym when the show was finished, I had my measurements taken. My body fat had increased, but my muscle mass had stayed the same. Evil Steve, my trainer said, ‘It’s fine, you just need to get back on track with your diet and carry on with your training,’ and two and a half weeks later, my body was back to how it had been. Once you start training and keep at it, your body responds amazingly quickly to changes in environment. I knew mentally and physically what I had to do to get back on track, so I had no fear in letting myself relax for a bit. I can’t be lean 24/7, 12 months of the year. I’ve got Christmasses, birthdays and all sorts I want to celebrate. I want to live! With this plan, I can. The muscle memory of someone who trains is incredible. Your body is so clever. All it wants to do is heal.
Taking chances
Strictly didn’t just teach me to dance, break me out of my shell again and re-ignite my fondness for jacket potatoes – it also introduced me to Gorka Marquez, the man I’m now in a relationship with. One of the professional dancers on the show, Gorka and I started hanging out behind the scenes, having coffees and a laugh together. Gradually we realised we liked each other. A lot.
He’s the first boyfriend I’ve had who truly makes me feel attractive in just a T-shirt. I’ve got the odd stretch mark and some cellulite on the top of my legs, like every woman, and he tells me every single day how beautiful he thinks I am. The first thing he says in the morning is, ‘Good morning. I love you. How did you sleep?’ I know there’s time for that to stop – I’m aware we’ve not been together that long – but I’ve never had that before. And it brings this ease with it; the fact I can walk around without breathing in and I don’t need to wrap a towel around me when I have just my knickers on.
We work out together – which I think has helped us to get so close. There’s something incredibly supportive about someone having your back in that way, being on the same journey, wanting you to succeed and being proud of you. I talked to him about my insecurities when we had a joint PT session once. I was saying to Evil Steve, ‘My cellulite’s quite bad at the moment,’ and Gorka jumped in and said, ‘Gemma! You’re a woman! You have hormones. Jesus!’ It’s true. Our hormones do all sorts of things to our bodies and our moods – that’s our nature – but it’s easy to forget that in our quest to be ‘perfect’.
I post things about my life with Gorka on social media because I like the fact that other women can see I’m with someone who loves me despite me wearing no make-up in the gym and despite me not always looking pristine – it’s real. Actually, wait. You know what? Just writing that made me realise that the word ‘despite’ is wrong! We’re not good together despite all that, but because of it. Because we’re open and honest and just ourselves.
Also, for the first time in my life, I am allowing myself to be vulnerable enough to be looked after by someone. Because I’ve always been totally independent it’s a big deal for me to let a guy do anything – I can change a tyre, thank you very much, and I don’t need you to pull a suitcase for me! I’ve struggled letting people in and showing my feelings – even down to batting off compliments as they make me uncomfortable. But letting go a little is something I’m finally allowing myself to do. It’s frightening at first because I always think the minute you let someone take care of you, it’s harder to recover from if anything goes wrong. I think subconsciously this comes from losing my dad. I was always scared that if I allowed someone to get too close and to break down my barriers, it’d be harder to deal with if they then weren’t around any more. But if you constantly put barriers up, you’re always going to miss out. You’re never going to give yourself the chance to experience something truly amazing. So I’m letting my guard down a bit. Plus, letting someone else pull my suitcase gives me a spare hand to hold my giant duty-free Toblerone. Winning!
By improving my self-esteem I now have a much stronger belief in my ability to cope if things go wrong. I really believe that this 12-week plan will change how people view themselves. It’s given me the confidence to know my own self-worth. The physical and mental changes that happen when you do this plan truly will change your perspective on everything. You’re lifting weights, you’re owning it and looking after your body. Suddenly you