Maybe she shouldn’t have sent Ian away with Cady. For the past year he had been the one she’d looked to whenever she was sure she was screwing up this parenting gig, which usually happened at least twice a day. Every time he would laugh and tell her she was doing fine, and when she would insist that this time she had really blown it, he would shake his head, grin and say, “Just trust me, Darce.”
She really wished she could see him now, rolling his crinkly bronze eyes in the way that meant he thought she was being a total dork but he knew she would figure it out.
“So...” She sandwiched her hands between her bent knees. If she couldn’t see them trembling, she might be less nervous. “I know you must have a lot of questions, but this will probably be easier if you let me talk first, okay?”
His slow nod was chased by a swifter shake of the head. “Wait. First. I— Is she— That baby. She’s really...?”
His question hung in the air between them, unfinished but no less decisive. Once she answered him, she knew the life she had built—her and Cady with a big side of Ian—was all going to change. And most of it would depend on Xander. Someone not family. Someone she knew far less than she should.
It was a feeling she knew all too well, and it was no more welcome now than it had been in the past. Except now it was worse, because it was going to impact Cady.
She took a deep breath. Facts first. Future later.
“Yes.” Damnation, her hands were still quivering. Clamping her knees tighter—right, Maguire, now you remember to keep your knees closed—she forced out the words she’d been dreading for the past year and eight months. “Yes, Xander. She’s your daughter.”
Somewhere nearby a bird let loose with a delighted trill. Talk about surreal. First Xander reappeared, now her life was turning into a frickin’ Disney princess adventure complete with animals performing on cue.
“Holy...”
She knew the feeling. On that morning a lifetime ago, when she had finally dragged her gaze away from the test stick in her hand to stare at herself in the bathroom mirror, she had seen that same horror-movie expression now appearing on Xander’s face. Yet when she looked closely, she saw in his eyes that same contradictory hint of amazement that had gripped her, as well. That had to be a good sign. Right?
“I did try to find you. To tell you,” she added quickly. “But Ian said he hadn’t heard from you since you left, and I—”
“Wait a minute.” He backed up an inch or so. “We only— It was just that one night. Once.”
She didn’t need to remind him that one drunken night and one ancient condom didn’t always add up to zero consequences.
“And you were with what’s-his-name, the jerk who dumped you—”
“Jonathan.” Thank heaven she could say his name calmly now, as opposed to the way she had shrieked it, cursed it and blubbered it back then. “I thought that myself at first, but I did the math, checked when he had been out of town and the last time he and I— Anyway, there’s no way it could have been him.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive. But you’re more than welcome to have whatever tests done that you would like. I wouldn’t blame you.”
The lazy grace she had come to associate with Xander that summer had disappeared. “I don’t need— Well, yeah. Maybe I should... Jesus.” Long fingers scrubbed his face. “I don’t know what to say, Darce.”
“It’s kind of a shocker, I know.”
“Yeah, I guess you would.”
His short attempt at a laugh reassured her. At least he wasn’t going to pass out. Nor had he run away screaming or shown more than an understandable uncertainty about his role in Cady’s conception. So far, so good.
She glanced toward the back door, hoping against hope that Ian and Cady would be watching from the window. Of course, they weren’t. Ian most likely had Cady in her high chair, zooming spoonfuls of yogurt toward her mouth while she slammed her “practice” spoon on the tray. Or he would be changing her diaper, making up another installment in the Saga of Lulu and Cady that he was forever spinning for her. Normal. Familiar. Comforting.
Except...oh, that awful blankness on his face when he’d taken Cady from her...
“So, I don’t know where you were, but you could teach classes in disappearing, because seriously, I couldn’t find you. Ian had no idea, either.” Not that she had told Ian why she’d wanted that information, of course. She had told him she was worried about Lulu.
Was that why he had looked so hurt? Because she hadn’t told him the truth?
“I thought about hiring a private investigator, but you know, those guys cost a lot of money and I...well, I had a lot of unexpected expenses, as I’m sure you can understand.” Unexpected expenses coupled with a drastic readjustment of her job. Not that she minded, really. Accompanying her mother around the globe had had its moments, but if Darcy had to spend her life catering to a diva, she would take Cady over her mom any day.
“Expenses. Right.” Xander’s face grew a couple of shades paler. “Oh, shit. I’m going to have to pay child support. And it’s all retroactive, isn’t it?”
“I don’t— Look, that’s important, but, believe it or not, it’s not my biggest priority right now, okay? So don’t freak. I’m not going to sic a bunch of lawyers on you.”
His quivering eased the tiniest bit.
“What did you— Jesus, I didn’t even catch her name. Katie?”
“Cady. Short for Cadence. Cadence Joy Maguire.”
“That’s pretty.”
“Thanks.”
She hazarded another glance at the door. Foolish, she knew. Even if Ian wasn’t juggling child and dog, even if she had completely misread him, he would never spy on her.
But, damn, it would be nice to see his face for a second.
“So she—Cady— Damn. I don’t even know what I should be asking.”
Darcy might be swimming in a sea of uncertainty herself at the moment, but talking about Cady was something she could always do.
“She just turned a year. June seventh. She’s right on target for all her milestones. She has five teeth, and another one is trying to break through, so she’s a little cranky right now, but mostly she’s happy and bouncy. She’s a really amazing little thing, and once we made it past those first few weeks, it’s been the most exhausting and exhilarating rush I’ve ever had.” All true. She had barely ever imagined herself as a mother, let alone a single one, but now life before Cady was a distant memory.
The drumming of Xander’s fingers on the tabletop came to an abrupt halt.
“I want to see her again.”
“Right. Of course.” This was good. Wasn’t it? Every kid deserved to have a dad who wanted to be with her. Some of Darcy’s most cherished memories were of her late father. “We’ll have to work out some kind of schedule,” she said past the lump in her throat. “And I think that while she’s so little, you should visit her here, you know? Until she gets to know you and feels comfortable around you.”
Xander stared at her as if she had spoken in Shakespearean English. “I mean I want to see her right now.”
“Oh.” Relief made her laugh sound fake even to her. “Of course. I... Jeez, I guess I’ve had a few too many sleepless nights. You know, with that tooth coming in.”
He wasn’t talking about taking Cady on overnights or trips or any of those other scenarios that had made her wonder, wildly, if it