She should have visited more. She hadn’t even come home for Christmas. Not that she ever would have been able to take leave of the ballet company during the holidays. The weeks that stretched from the end of October to New Year’s Day made up Nutcracker season. Everyone knew as much.
“I wish you would have told me that Liam was the youth pastor,” she finally said.
Her mom sighed. “I’m sorry. I just thought...”
“You thought you could have him spy on me. To make sure I’m not taking any pills. Right?” Her throat burned. It hurt to say the words aloud, but someone had to.
“Posy.” The lines around her mother’s face deepened.
“Mom, admit it. Please.”
Her mom took a deep breath, and she seemed to wilt a little on the exhalation. “That’s part of it, yes. But try to understand. Other than the handful of times we’ve been to California to watch you dance, your father and I haven’t seen you in seven years.”
“Six,” Posy began to whisper, but the word died on her tongue.
“After what happened last time, we wanted you here. At home, where you belong.”
Is this where I belong, God?
She didn’t bother waiting for an answer.
This was her home, but no, it wasn’t where she belonged. Not really. She was just here because she was hurt. She belonged onstage. Her foot belonged in a ballet shoe, not the ugly plaster where it currently resided.
“It’s not like the last time, Mom. I promise.”
Her mother nodded. She didn’t believe her. She might want to, but she didn’t. That much was obvious. And Posy wasn’t altogether sure she blamed her.
God, why is this all so hard?
Posy glanced up at the ceiling. But instead of finding God, all she could imagine were the snow-laden boughs of the giant blue evergreen spread over the town like angels’ wings.
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