“Dee’s daughter needs you as much as those two did, if not more. They had their father. She has no one except me and I’m not doing such a hot job.”
As if he needed to remind her of the little girl’s need while the infant sat on her lap and clutched Maggie’s shirt with one tiny fist. He had to state the obvious, which was guaranteed to tug at her heartstrings. “You’re not playing fair.”
“No, I’m not. If you expect me to have a hope of raising Breanna properly, I need your help.”
An image of Zach and Tyler flashed into her head. She hadn’t seen them for more than a year. Their father had decided to move back to Montana so he could leave his memories of his dead wife behind and renew his relationship with his highschool sweetheart. As soon as she’d recovered from the shock that he hadn’t reciprocated her love in spite of what she considered evidence to the contrary, she’d realized she’d simply been his stopgap measure. He’d used her to buy himself time to get over the proverbial hump of losing his wife and learning to deal with his two children. Once he had, he’d moved on.
And now Joe was asking her to put herself in the same position of being used again. Well, she couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t. She’d sworn off getting emotionally entangled with a man who had children and she wasn’t going to reverse her decision even if he had become a parent overnight.
“You don’t know what you’re asking,” she said flatly, trying to ignore Breanna’s sweet baby scent or the way she leaned against her with complete trust. “As you know, my story didn’t end on a happy note.”
“His loss.”
If the truth were known, it was more hers than his because she’d invested her heart and soul into their relationship, but she wouldn’t dwell on that right now. “I won’t let myself get emotionally involved again.”
“Says the woman who does it more often than not. Dare I mention the Hilda Myers situation?”
“According to what you so kindly pointed out at the time, you consider my emotional involvement to be a character flaw,” she countered.
He shrugged. “At times. At others, like now, it’s a strength.”
“In this case, it is a flaw,” she insisted. “I already know what will happen. I’ll grow attached to Breanna and then one day it’ll all be over!” I’m twenty-eight and once again I’ll be left with nothing.
“I can argue the same,” he said. “You could meet some guy and next thing I know, you and Mr. Maggie are having juniors and juniorettes all over the place.”
Oddly enough, his description startled her out of her panic and she laughed. “Mr. Maggie? Junior and juniorette?”
“You know what I mean.” He sounded impatient.
What he didn’t understand was that being with him day in and out was as dangerous to her peace of mind as becoming Breanna’s temporary mother figure. If she struggled with her attraction to Joe when they were on duty, how much more difficult would it be to keep her heart intact if she spent her free time with him as well?
“The point is,” he continued, “I won’t consider keeping Breanna unless I have someone I can depend on. Someone who has my back, so to speak.”
“You can’t dump your decision on my shoulders, Donatelli.”
He raised an eyebrow, his eyes cool. “After Hilda’s case came to a head, you accused me of not supporting you. ‘We didn’t function as a team,’ you said. This is our chance to do that, Maggie, or were you just paying lip service to the concept? Does your philosophy of teamwork only apply when it suits you?”
“I was talking about supporting each other on the job,” she stressed. “I wasn’t referring to our personal lives. They’re separate.”
“Only to a degree,” he pointed out. “Can you honestly say you wouldn’t have a problem working with me if I turned Breanna over to Social Services? That you wouldn’t treat me differently because I didn’t measure up to your standards?”
She bit her lip. Knowing he’d avoided his responsibilities probably would affect her opinion of him. And if she lost her respect for him because she questioned his decision-making ability, how could she ever hope they would function efficiently in an emergency?
“What about all these women you date?” she asked, desperate to provide another solution. “Surely one of them would be happy to—”
“You’re the one I want—the one I trust,” he said firmly.
“I’m flattered, but—”
“You’re asking me to face my fears,” he pressed on. “Yet you’re not willing to face yours. You want me to commit to a job that will last for the next twenty years and beyond, but you aren’t willing to invest a few months or a year of your time? Talk about a double standard.”
She fell silent as the little girl rested against her chest as if she’d settled in Maggie’s lap for the duration. In fact, if she didn’t know better, she’d suspect this baby was doing her part to convince her to take on this new role.
“Would you really give up Breanna in spite of your promise to Dee if I don’t help you?” she asked.
“In a heartbeat,” he stated with clear conviction. “I know my limitations and I can’t do this by myself. Better for her to go to a loving couple now rather than later.”
The little girl fit in Maggie’s arms as if she belonged there. Holding her was bittersweet. “This is blackmail.”
“It’s common sense,” he corrected. “And I’m desperate, Maggie. If you don’t agree…”
His pleading expression and helpless shrug tugged on her sympathies. As competent as he was as a paramedic, caring for a baby was clearly out of his comfort zone.
“How about this? If you’ll hold my hand until the paternity test results are released, we’ll re-evaluate the situation then.”
“In other words, you’re giving us both a way out.”
“We’ll re-evaluate,” he repeated. “We both want what’s best for Breanna, whatever that might be.”
While that was true, his lack of commitment concerned her. Because of it, could she handle helping him with the baby in the meantime? She frowned, remembering her experiences with Tyler and Zach—how she’d helped with their bedtime rituals, fixed their breakfasts, received the handpicked bouquet of dandelions when they’d played outside.
Even after all this time, the loss hurt.
As she glanced at Joe, the hope in his eyes tipped the scales in his favor. He was her partner and he needed her. She’d also promised her chief to do what she could to mend their differences. If word got around that she refused to help Joe when it was in her power to do so, she’d suffer the consequences.
She didn’t have a choice, she thought with resignation. Because she didn’t, she would treat this situation with the same emotional detachment she used in her job. Her weakness for babies would be a drawback, but this time she wasn’t expecting a happily-ever-after. Her eyes were wide open and no matter how events transpired, she wouldn’t allow herself to forget that she was simply a stopgap measure, a temporary solution.
As long as she remembered that, it would be easy to guard her heart.
“OK,” she said reluctantly. “I’ll help until you have your answers from the lab. Then you’ll have to sink or swim on your own.”
“Fair enough.”
But later, as they rearranged Joe’s spare bedroom to accommodate the baby furniture he had yet to retrieve from Dee’s apartment, she wondered if she hadn’t made a deal