She trudged through the blowing snow, hugging her chest as if at any moment she would be lifted up and blown away. She could feel the wind right through her jacket. Her leg still felt tender underneath the warm camel slacks she’d changed into before dinner, but at least the sting was gone. A person needs snowshoes in this weather, she thought, not two-inch-heeled boots from Macy’s sale catalogue.
No one else was out walking tonight—in this weather who in their right minds would be?—and for a moment she imagined herself alone and lost, trying to find her way out of a forest. Worried about the future, her fears assailed her as she walked without aim, her boots crunching rhythmically on the frozen snow.
Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
Pregnant, unmarried, unemployed, oh my!
Not that she didn’t want to be a mother. On the contrary, she wanted to be a mother more than anything in the world—someday. But right now there was this one small detail. She wasn’t married. It wasn’t the stigma that bothered her; she was terrified at the prospect of raising a child alone. She couldn’t even support herself, never mind a baby.
I do have some skills, she’d told her mother. Unfortunately, she just hadn’t discovered what they were. She’d studied Greek mythology in college, but these days there wasn’t much of a need for Greek mythologists, especially in a small town like Middlewood. After graduation she’d flitted from job to job, trying to make ends meet. I’m just not cut out for office work, she’d told herself. Was it her fault she didn’t have the filing gene? Or the answer-the-phone-without-alienating-the-customer gene?
Anger filled her as she pushed on, fighting the wind. Nothing had gone according to plan. She was supposed to help put Jordan through medical school, and once he was on his feet, it would be her turn. Maybe she’d go to graduate school. Maybe she’d start her own business. Or maybe she’d be a stay-at-home mom. But all those dreams had ended. During his first year of internship—after four years, eight months and three weeks of marriage, not that she was counting—Jordan had up and left.
How did one fall out of love, precisely? The salon-bought redhead with the surgical bosom had nothing to do with it, her husband had insisted while packing his new Louis Vuitton suitcase. Becky had even helped him pack, making sure everything was folded just right. Was that new underwear? she’d wondered absurdly. Not only had the redhead bought him new luggage, she’d bought him new shorts. Designer underwear with the labels sewn on the outside so they wouldn’t chafe.
“Fold your own underwear,” Becky had said defiantly. There. That would teach him.
At this time, however, concerns other than her ex-husband’s preference for designer shorts and big-breasted redheads demanded her attention, and she forced her anger aside.
How would she raise this baby alone?
She didn’t want Carter in her life as the father of her child. What kind of parent would he make, spending most of his time gallivanting away from home? She didn’t want him in her life under any circumstance. He’d already walked out on one wife, and Becky had already been there, thank you very much. Not that she expected him to propose once he learned the truth. He was a man who relished his freedom. He went through women the way she went through jobs.
She plodded along aimlessly, snow swirling in front of her eyes as thoughts of Carter swirled in her head. What had she been thinking that night? She knew exactly what she’d been thinking, all right, as they’d faced each other under the wedding canopy. She’d been thinking of his smoky-gray eyes, his lean, sexy body, the way her insides would turn to matzo meal whenever his gaze met hers. But the whole insanity—the whole mishegoss, as Bubbe would say—had started before the family had even left for the synagogue:
Becky had been getting ready for her brother’s wedding, thinking that for the first time in a long while she wasn’t miserable. Here it was already September and she’d been working at the same job for more than a month. She’d even started thinking about getting her own apartment. She couldn’t sponge off her parents forever, not that her mother believed the situation was permanent. “Jordan has lost his senses,” Gertie had kept insisting, “but he’ll come around.” But it had been six months since Jordan had misplaced his senses and he still hadn’t found them. At first Becky thought she’d disintegrate, but a half year later, to her surprise, she discovered she was still in one piece, getting on with her life.
And then her bubble had burst, the day of David’s wedding. She’d stepped outside the house to pick up the mail, expecting letters and cards from the out-of-town relatives who wouldn’t be attending the wedding. Recognizing the court insignia, she’d ripped open the envelope, and the pain she’d felt upon Jordan’s departure immediately resurfaced.
After nearly five years of marriage Mr. and Mrs. Jordan Steinberg had become a statistic. Their marriage was over. Finally, officially and irrevocably over.
Tucking the letter in the pocket of her bathrobe, she’d returned to the house. “You look as wrung out as a shmatte,” Gertie said. “It’s that horrible diner that’s turned you into a rag. I don’t know why you insist on working there—it’s not even kosher. Jordan will soon be a bona fide doctor. How does it look, a doctor’s wife working in a place like that?”
“You know I don’t keep kosher,” Becky reminded her, “and Jordan’s not coming back.”
“If it’s a hobby you need, what’s wrong with canasta? All those germs in that dirty place, no wonder you look the way you do. Stay away from Hannah. A bride doesn’t need to catch something just before her wedding. Is there any mail?”
“Just bills,” Becky replied.
How could she play the role of matron of honor? she’d thought miserably, the idea of matrimony leaving a bitter taste on her tongue. After receiving her final divorce papers, no woman should have to march down the aisle.
Yet in spite of her mood, four hours later she’d found herself smiling as she waited for her cue to walk to the altar. She was filled with happiness for her brother and Hannah. They were a perfect match, even though it had almost taken a bulldozer to get him to the altar. Hannah, his longtime girlfriend, normally quiet and shy, had decided that her biological clock was ticking away and had given him an ultimatum, and David, self-proclaimed bachelor at the ripe old age of thirty-two, after being nagged ad nauseam by Gertie, had finally given in. Mrs. Gertie Roth wanted a grandchild, and since Becky didn’t seem to be in a hurry to provide one, the spotlight had fallen on Hannah.
But everyone knew that David and Hannah belonged together; he’d just needed a little push. David loved her, everyone could see that. Becky could see it in his eyes every time he looked at her. She had no doubt they would have a long, strong marriage, once he got used to the idea.
Why was it that the men who balked most made the best husbands?
Becky walked down the aisle, following her parents and David, and took her place under the chuppah. Carter, David’s best man, was waiting at the other side of the canopy. Becky had almost forgotten how good-looking he was, and now, seeing him standing there, tall and striking in a tuxedo, a red boutonniere on his lapel, she felt a familiar pang.
And then her mood sobered. He was a statistic, just like her. Another marriage gone under. Another example of love gone sour. Maybe it had been better in Bubbe’s day, she thought. A friend or matchmaker introduced you to a suitable partner, and the marriage was based on respect. “We learned to love each other,” Bubbe always said. “Chaim was a good man, may he rest in peace. What was not to love?”
“Hey, stranger,” Carter said quietly. “It’s been a while. I can’t remember the last time I saw you. You’re