The last label had been a surprise, though. She’d called him a bleeding heart. It showed how little, after five years of marriage, she really knew about him. He was pragmatic, not emotional. Taking over at the center had been something that needed doing, for so many reasons.
Besides, his heart didn’t bleed, it didn’t feel anything at all. Especially not after Jaclyn had left, taking their two-year-old daughter with them. His heart only functioned. Just as he did.
Just as Lori did, he thought, looking at her now. Except that she did it with verve. He motioned her to his office just down the narrow hall beyond the gym. The girls, whose game Lori had been refereeing, watched her for a moment, then went on without her.
He closed the door behind Lori, then indicated the chair in front of his scarred desk, a desk that was a far cry from the expensive one he’d been sitting behind three years ago.
Ordinarily, Lori seemed tireless to him, almost undaunted by anything that life threw her way. The only time he’d ever seen her be anything other than upbeat was at Kurt’s funeral.
But even then, she’d seemed more interested in comforting him. Not that he’d allowed that, of course. He was his own person, his own fortress. It was the way it had always been and the way it would always be. He was who he was. A loner. Carson knew he couldn’t be any other way even if he wanted to. Which he didn’t.
“What?” Lori finally pressed.
She tried to read her brother-in-law’s expression and failed. Nothing new there. Carson had always seemed inscrutable. Not like Kurt. She could always tell what Kurt was thinking if she looked into his eyes for more than a moment. Usually, he was trying to hide something.
“I’ve been watching you,” Carson told her. “You seem tired today,” he repeated.
Lori shook her head, denying the observation. She prided herself on being able to soldier on, no matter what. These days, however, the weight of her backpack was steadily increasing. Especially since she was carrying it in front of her.
“No, I’m not tired. Just a wee bit overwhelmed by all that energy out there.” She nodded toward the area right outside the closetlike room that served as the youth center’s general office. There were a few small rooms around the perimeter, but the center’s main focus was the gym. It was there that the kids who frequented the center worked out their aggression and their tension.
Then, with a sigh, she slowly lowered herself into the chair in front of his desk, trying not to think about the daunting task of getting up again. She’d face that in a minute or so. Right now, it felt really good to be able to sit down.
Maybe she was tired at that, Lori thought. But she didn’t like the idea that she showed it.
Just beyond the door were the sounds of kids letting off steam, channeling energy into something productive instead of destructive. Kids who, but for Carson’s concentrated efforts, would have no place to go except into trouble.
She looked at her brother-in-law with affection. Carson had given up the promise of a lucrative life so that others could have a shot at having a decent one. Lori knew that these kids, every one of them, could have been Kurt or Carson all those years ago. Her late husband had told her all about his younger years on their second date, giving her details that had chilled her heart. Life had been hard here.
Both brothers had managed to come a long way from these mean streets, although it was easy enough for her to see that Kurt’s soul had been anchored in the quick, the easy, the sleight of hand that arose from living the kinds of lives that were an everyday reality for the kids who came to St. Augustine’s Youth Center. In a way, Kurt had never left that wild boy behind. It was that wild boy, she thought, that had eventually killed her husband.
Carson was another matter. Levelheaded, steadfast, Carson had chosen to walk on the straight and narrow safe side. He’d worked hard, put himself through school as he took care of his younger brother and mother. A football scholarship had helped. He’d believed his destiny lay with becoming a lawyer. He’d worked even harder once he’d graduated. A prestigious law firm had offered him a position and in exchange, he gave the firm his all.
Until three years ago. Thirty-eight months to be exact. That was when her brother-in-law had made the most selfless sacrifice she’d ever witnessed. He’d left the firm he’d been with to take on the headaches of the youth center that had been his salvation. But it hadn’t been without a price.
Carson had taken on burdens and lost a wife.
Kurt had been against the move. He’d told his older brother that leaving the firm was the dumbest thing a grown man could do. All of his life, he’d struggled to get them both away from this very neighborhood and now he was returning to it. Embracing it at a great personal and financial cost.
It had made no sense to Kurt. But then, Kurt didn’t understand what it meant to sacrifice. He’d never been that selfless. That had always been Carson’s department.
And Carson was Carson, steadfast once he made a decision, unmoved by arguments, pleas or taunts, all of which had come from his wife before she’d packed up and left with their two-year-old daughter. Leaving him with divorce papers.
Lori knew losing his little girl had been what had hit Carson the hardest, although you’d never know it by anything that was ever said. But then, ever since she’d met him, Carson had always played everything close to the vest.
It was a wonder his chest wasn’t crushed in by the weight, she mused now, looking at him. His desk was piled high with paperwork, which he hated. The man took a lot on himself. Would have taken her on as well if she’d allowed it. Again, that was just his way.
But she wasn’t about to become another one of his burdens. She was a person, not a helpless rag doll. After Kurt’s death, she’d squared her shoulders and forced herself to push on. To persevere. There were plenty of single mothers out there. She’d just joined the ranks, that was all. She’d taken this job only after Carson proved to her that it hadn’t been offered out of charity, but because he really needed someone to help him out. It wasn’t the kind of work she was used to, but it and the Lamaze classes she taught helped pay the bills. And they would do until something better came along.
Lori reasoned that as long as she kept good thoughts, eventually something better had to come along.
“You’re also more than a little pregnant,” Carson pointed out. The sun was shining into the room. There were telltale circles beneath her eyes. She wasn’t getting enough sleep, he thought. “Maybe you should take it easier on yourself. Go home, Lori.”
But she shook her head. “Can’t. Rhonda didn’t show up today, remember?”
He frowned. Rhonda Adams was one of the assistants who helped out at the center. Rhonda hadn’t been showing up a lot lately. Something else he had to look into. Trouble was, finding someone to work long hours for little pay wasn’t the easiest thing in the world.
“That’s my concern,” he told Lori, “not yours.”
She hated the way he could turn a phrase and shut her out. She wondered if he did it intentionally, or if he was just oblivious to the effect of his words. “It is while you sign my paychecks.”
“I don’t sign your paychecks, the foundation does,” he corrected. Foundation money and donations were what kept the teen center going, but times had gotten very tight.
Her eyes met his. He wasn’t about to brush her off. “Figure of speech, Counselor.”
“Don’t call me that, I’m not a lawyer anymore.” Maybe he was getting a little too crabby these days. And he wasn’t even sure why. Carson backed off.
She looked at him pointedly. “Then stop sounding like one.”
“I’m