All the talk of babies made me feel itchy, a feeling that made me realise I wasn’t ready for children, not just yet, but marriage wasn’t a complete no-no. Although maybe Marie was right: as loved up as I felt we had only just moved in together and were still discovering things about each other. Maybe I needed to silence the ding dong of wedding bells in my head and think rationally about what this engagement would mean for us and the changes it would cause. When things were going so well why did any of it have to change?
Callow (adj.) – Immature or lacking adult sophistication
‘I still can’t believe you’re getting engaged!’ Shelley squealed.
I gave Marie a look.
‘What? I couldn’t not tell her.’ She put her arms up in defence.
‘Well, I’m not engaged yet,’ I said straightening my work skirt. ‘And please, please don’t mention it to Jimmy. I can’t have Ben finding out that I know and ruin the proposal he has planned.’ I winced.
Shelley placed my hands in hers and nodded firmly. ‘Scout’s honour. Ah, this is so exciting though! Where do you think you’ll get married? Ah, I know! What about Thailand? Where you met? I could just see the pair of you walking hand in hand down the white shores of Koh Lanta to tie the knot, then heading back to the Blue Butterfly for a knees-up after. I’m sure Dara would be thrilled to help out, plus Chef would make a fantastic wedding cake. Oh and then we could let off lanterns into the sky as you two have your first dance.’ She glanced at mine and Marie’s faces as if she’d missed the memo. ‘What? You don’t think it’s exciting?’
‘Yeah, course it is. I’m just a little wary after what happened last time.’ Since I’d left Marie’s I’d been thinking about what she’d said. She was right to be concerned. I did need to think with my heart and my head, rather than be blinded by the gorgeous ring that Ben was soon going to present to me.
‘Ah yeah, sure. But you two are made for each other. You can’t let the past rule your heart.’
I smiled at my Australian friend; we’d met when backpacking in Thailand and I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it. ‘I know; I am pretty disgustingly loved up at the minute.’
‘Living together is going well then?’ Shelley winked. ‘Well, apart from your giant dining-room table.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Yeah, apart from that, it’s great!’
I still pinched myself that I had this amazing man as my boyfriend, plus I soon learned that Ben was well house-trained. This came as a shock as Alex had never used a vacuum cleaner or an iron before. He was spoilt by his mum who did everything and expected that his future wife would pick up the baton, which foolishly I did. Ben was so self-sufficient: cooking, doing the food shop without a list and detailed aisle plan of the supermarket, and even cleaning the bathroom without me pestering.
‘Wow, Jimmy can be such a slob, always leaving the loo seat up and used teabags near the bin. I sometimes threaten to not put out, which usually makes him slap on a pair of Marigolds!’ Shelley laughed. ‘Okay, so if Ben is thinking about marriage and you’re not totally averse to the idea then maybe you need to think of what’s missing to work out how you can get to the same level as him?’ Shelley suggested.
‘Yeah, like is there anything you want to know about him but don’t?’
‘Well, I haven’t met his dad yet, but it’s just because of logistics and finding the time, I think.’
‘Oh yeah, didn’t his mum abandon him?’ Marie remembered and clutched her chest at the thought.
‘Yeah.’ I shook my head sadly. ‘She left when he was little but I’ve never been able to get any more out of him than that.’
‘Well then, that’s something that needs to happen. You can tell so much about someone from what their parents are like, and what kind of relationship they have.’
‘Oh God, yeah! Remember when I was seeing that Shane?’ Marie asked me. Memories of being the third wheel as they sat snogging in a booth in a naff nightclub came rushing back.
‘Eurgh, I never liked him. Always thought he was a bit needy.’ I shuddered.
Marie raised her finger in the air. ‘Well, you were spot on, and it all stemmed from how he was with his mum. Seriously it was as if she was waiting to clamp him back on her breast whenever we went to his parents’ house. He was a complete mummy’s boy, and I don’t know about you, but that is such a turn-off. I swear he still kissed on the lips.’
‘Ewww!’ Shelley and I cried.
‘So that is why meeting your potential in-laws is so important.’
‘Okay, so after you’ve met his dad, then what?’
I scrunched my eyes up to think. ‘Well, I guess apart from meeting in Thailand we haven’t actually travelled anywhere together; all of our trips with work have been taken separately so we could cover the office.’
‘You have to do that! Anyway, you’ve got Conrad now – isn’t that what he’s there for, to watch the office whilst you two gallivant across the globe?’
I nodded slowly. Conrad was a blunt, brash Yorkshireman who we’d hired as office manager but seemed to turn his hand to anything that came his way, from consoling sobbing, heartbroken customers to standing his ground with surly maintenance men. He came highly recommended from another travel agency, had travelled the world in a previous life as cabin crew – which was something that I still couldn’t get my head round, especially how someone with his build could nip down the aisles without taking people’s eyes out. Plus, he loved to swear, made lewd and hilarious comments, which kept the team’s spirits high, and he called a spade a spade. He was the perfect addition to the ‘Lonely Hearts squad’, as Kelli called us.
Marie rearranged herself on the cushion she was sprawled across. ‘They say you never really know someone until you travel with them – he could be full of airport anxieties or one of those sunbed hoggers.’
I laughed. ‘I doubt Ben would be getting up at 4 a.m. to bagsy the best spot with his towel.’
‘Yeah, but you don’t know…’
Shelley began telling us about her friend whose holiday with her boyfriend ended in them breaking up over his wandering eye as he was more obsessed with the travel rep than his girlfriend. She had found them in bed together on the third day of the trip and had to spend the rest of the week eating with a kind, middle-aged Swedish couple who took her under their wing.
‘It can be a minefield. People think that when you go on holiday it will be this unrealistic romantic trip and all of the problems they had at home will disappear. The truth is, you bring them thousands of miles with you and they become even more magnified in this strange, unusual environment.’
‘But, if you can’t get along on some idyllic tropical beach when the only thing you have to worry about is applying more sun cream and which book to read next, then you won’t be able to get along anywhere. It is the ultimate test.’
I scoffed. ‘Yeah maybe, but Ben and I work together, we live together and we talk about travel all day, every day, so I honestly don’t think there will be any issues with us going on holiday.’
‘It could be good for you to get some time away to properly talk through all the London stuff that’s niggling you,’ Marie suggested.
I nodded. ‘Yeah, you’re both right. Our first couple’s holiday needs to be a priority on my to-do list. Oh, pass us a slice will you?’
I nodded to the pizza box on Shelley’s lap. Marie, Shelley and I were having a girly night in at Marie’s house.