No, no, dearest Tallie, you cannot leave us…it was a foolish misunderstanding…What would we do without you? What would the children do? And George and I—oh, please do not let my wretched cousin Magnus come between us—he is nothing but a cold, proud Icicle! You are family, dearest Tallie, and you belong here! Oh, do not leave us, we need you too much…
‘I…I’ve been sent up to make sure you’re packed, miss.’ The maidservant hovered uncomfortably, wringing her hands in distress. ‘And John Coachman has been told to ready himself and the horses for a long journey…I’m that sorry, Miss.’
‘It’s all right, Lucy,’ said Tallie shakily. Reality crashed around her. Laetitia had not changed her mind. Tallie truly was being thrown out of her cousin’s house.
She got off the bed where she’d been huddled and tried to pull herself together, surreptitiously wiping her eyes. ‘There’s a bag on top of that wardrobe—if you could put my clothing in that…I…I must see to other matters.’ She rushed out, her brimming eyes averted from the maid’s sympathetic gaze.
Moments later she slipped out of the side door, across the south lawn and into the garden maze. Tallie knew the convoluted paths by heart, and unerringly made her way towards the centre. It was a favourite spot. No one could see over the high, clipped hedges, and if anyone entered it she would have plenty of warning. She reached the heart of the maze, hurled herself down on the wrought-iron seat and burst into tears.
She had lost everything—her home, the children. She was about to become a pauper. She’d always been one, she supposed, but now she would truly be destitute. Homeless. Taken out and dumped like an unwanted cat.
She sobbed until there were no more tears, until her sobs became hard, dry lumps stuck in her chest, shuddering silently out of her with every breath she drew. Eventually they subsided, only coming every minute or so, in an echo of the distress she could bear no more of.
What would she do? This very night, unless some miracle intervened, she would find herself deposited in the village square. Where would she go? Where would she sleep? Unconsciously her hand crept to her mouth and she began to nibble at her nails. No one in the village would remember her. The vicar? No, she re-called—he’d died shortly after she’d left. A churchgoer might recall her face amongst the dozens of schoolgirls who’d filed dutifully into St Stephen’s each Sunday, but it was unlikely. It was two years ago—vague recognition was the best she could expect from anyone in the village. And no one would be likely to take her in.
There was not a soul in the world she could turn to.
The sharp, clean scent of the close-trimmed cypress hedges was fresh in the damp, cool air. Tallie drew her knees up against her chest and hugged them to her. In the distance she could hear the haunting cry of a curlew. It sounded as lost and alone as she felt.
She’d been happy at Laetitia’s, but her happiness had been founded on a lie. She had deluded herself that she was part of a family—the family she had always yearned for. In fact she was little better than a servant. Worse—a servant was paid, at least. If Tallie had been paid she would have had the wherewithal to pay for a night’s lodging or two. As it was, she had nothing.
Enough of self-pity, she decided at last. There was a way out of this mess. It was the only possible solution. She knew it, had known it all along; she’d just been unable to face the thought until she’d explored every other option. But there were no other options. She would have to marry Lord d’Arenville.
Lord d’Arenville. Cold-eyed, cold-voiced, handsome Lord d’Arenville. A cold proud Icicle, who simply wanted a brood mare for his heirs. Not a wife. Not a loving companion. A vessel for his children. A sturdy vessel! Tallie’s mouth quivered and she bit down hard on her nails to stop herself weeping again.
There would be no love for Tallie now—the love she’d dreamed of all her life. But there would be security. And with the thought of sleeping in the village churchyard that night, security was suddenly more important than love—or, if not more important, certainly of more immediate significance.
No, there would be no Prince Charming for Tallie, no Black Knight galloping to her rescue, not even a dear, kind gentleman who was no one in particular. Nobody for Tallie to love, nobody who would love her in return. There was only Lord d’Arenville. Was it possible to love a statue? An Icicle?
Oh, there would be children, God willing, but children were different. You couldn’t help but love children. And they couldn’t help but love you back. Children were like puppies, loving, mischievous and endlessly thirsting for love.
Tallie knew. She’d thirsted all her life, ever since she’d turned six and had been sent away to school.
That was one thing she’d have to make clear to Lord d’Arenville from the start. She wouldn’t allow him to send her children away to school. Not until they were quite old—fourteen, fifteen, something like that. And she would write to them every week, and send them special treats sometimes to share with their chums. And they would come home for every holiday and term break. And bring any of their schoolfriends who couldn’t go to their own families. None of her children’s friends would spend Christmas after Christmas alone in an empty school, with no one but an elderly headmistress to keep her company.
Her children would know they were loved, know they were wanted, know that their mother, at least, cared about them.
And the love of her children would have to be enough for her, she decided. It was only the lucky ones, the golden ones of this world, who were loved for themselves, after all. Who found a partner to share secret dreams and foolish ideas with. Who found a man to cherish them. Cherish. Such a beautiful, magical word.
Tallie took a long, shaky breath, a sob catching in her throat as she did so. Such dreams were for silly girls. She scrubbed at her swollen eyes with a handkerchief. It was time to put her dreams and her girlhood away.
It was time to go to Lord d’Arenville and tell him she would marry him.
It was a chilly, withdrawn and much chagrined Lord d’Arenville who returned from the garden half an hour after he’d spoken with Laetitia. The house party had been an unmitigated disaster. And now his ego was severely dented by the news that a penniless girl could not bear the thought of marrying him. Part of him concurred with his cousin that he would like to drown Miss Thalia Robinson. Or strangle her slowly, taking her soft, creamy throat between his bare hands…But an innate sense of fair play told him it would be a gross miscarriage of justice if he allowed his cousin to turn Thalia Robinson out on the streets merely because she didn’t wish to wed him.
And he had been uncannily disturbed by the sound of someone weeping in the maze. Weeping as if their heart would break. Magnus hated it when women wept!
He’d taken a few steps into the maze and hovered there for some time, clenching and unclenching his fists, listening helplessly. Not knowing what to do. Knowing who it was, sobbing so piteously. Thalia Robinson.
He had told himself she’d brought it on herself, boasting to Laetitia of how she would spurn his offer. He’d told himself she deserved to be miserable, that the girl must be a cold-hearted little bitch. He’d made her an honourable offer—there was no need for her to publicly humiliate him. He, who had long been regarded as the finest prize on the marriage mart, hunted by matchmaking mamas and their daughters alike! Most girls would have been grateful for an offer from him, but not Miss Thalia Robinson. No. She planned to humiliate him—and so she was reaping what she had sown. Her regrets had come too late.
Magnus had told himself all these things, but they hadn’t helped—he just couldn’t bear the sound of a woman sobbing.
The part of him that didn’t want to strangle her had wanted to go into the maze and speak to her—and what a stupid idea that would have been! As if women ever made any sense when they were weeping. And as if he would know what to do anyway. He’d always managed to stop them crying by giving them some bauble or other, but then all the women he’d ever known