‘Have you given any thought to a trial separation?’ Karin suggested. ‘Say, three months apart…’
‘Sav wouldn’t hear of it.’ Instantly Isla shook her head. ‘If he even knew that I was here, it would be all over bar the shouting. It’s all or nothing with Sav, and frankly I don’t think it would be fair on the children, leaving them in limbo for three months. If I go ahead with this, it has to be a clean break.’
‘OK,’ Karin said slowly. ‘Then why don’t we schedule another appointment?’ The solicitor’s voice was calm and even, such a contrast to the swirling, confusing mass of emotions Isla seemed to be constantly engulfed in these days. ‘Say, for a month’s time?’
‘Why?’ Isla blinked back at the other woman. ‘What’s that going to solve? I didn’t come here on a whim, Karin.’
‘I’m sure you didn’t,’ Karin said sympathetically. ‘But we have gone over a lot of ground today, there’s a lot of information there for you to process. Think about it,’ she said firmly. ‘Think long and hard about it, and while you’re at it try talking to Sav again, tell him how close he is to the marriage ending.’
‘I thought you were a divorce lawyer…’ Isla managed a wobbly smile ‘…not a marriage counsellor.’
‘I’m a great divorce lawyer,’ Karin fixed her with a steely glare. ‘I fight for my clients to the last breath, but at the end of the day, I need them on my side.’ She gave a small shrug. ‘I’m just not quite sure that you’re there yet.’
‘I’m not,’ Isla admitted, raking a hand through her newly cut blonde hair and feeling foolish all of a sudden. ‘I’ve wasted your time—’ Isla started, but Karin waved her apology away.
‘Not at all, Isla. You’re the one paying for my advice, so take it. Go home, think about what I’ve said and try again to talk to Sav. If you still want to go ahead with a divorce, I’ll be here for you and more than ready to roll.’
‘Thank you.’
Karin stood up and shook her client’s hand. ‘But you will listen to what I’ve said and not go and do anything stupid, though?’
‘Like what?’ Isla frowned.
‘Like moving out and starting a job.’ She gave a low laugh. ‘Hair and nails and a figure like that don’t come cheap, Isla.’
Isla shook her head. ‘I do my own nails, Karin, and as for the figure, you’re right—it didn’t come cheap.’ She watched as the solicitor frowned. ‘Losing a child is the highest price anyone can pay.’ Opening the door to the office, she paused a moment. ‘This is my divorce, Karin. I’ll do it my way.’
Her bravado evaporated as soon as Isla stepped into the waiting room. Waiting in line at Reception behind an irate fair-headed gentleman who was insisting that he be seen next, furiously demanding an explanation for a summons he had received that morning, Isla felt as if she were drowning in her own misery, being pulled ever deeper into a circle of hate where she and Sav surely didn’t belong.
One month.
Amazingly it calmed her.
One month to get her life in order, one month to give her marriage yet another shot, one month to come to her decision.
‘WHAT did you do today?’
Cheeks flaming, Isla took another slug of water, every drop sticking in her throat as she attempted to eat the dinner she had hastily prepared for Sav and herself. Late picking the boys up from school, the whole evening had been a downward spiral of chaos, but thankfully Sav had been caught up at work, finally coming home late to a reasonable tidy house and a seemingly normal wife. The twins, delighted after their rare treat of take-away burgers and chips, were supposed to be in bed, but she could hear them bumping around upstairs and for once was grateful for it, grateful that Sav left the table to sort them out and didn’t seem to notice her discomfort.
‘I said they could read for ten more minutes.’ He didn’t come back to the table. Instead, he headed for the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine, pouring her a glass before sitting down.
‘Have one,’ she suggested, but Sav shook his head.
‘The hospital might call.’
‘You’re not on call tonight Sav,’ Isla pointed out, ‘and even if they do, surely you can have one glass with dinner.’
‘So, what did you do today?’ Sav asked again, ignoring what she had just said, and getting back to a subject she’d rather ignore.
‘Not much.’ Isla gave a vague shrug. ‘I had my hair done this morning.’
‘It looks nice,’ Sav responded, barely even looking up, and Isla managed a wry smile at the solicitor’s comments—this morning had been her first trip to the hairdresser’s in over a year, her long dark blonde hair finally meeting scissors for the first time since Casey’s death. The trim she’d intended before she started back to work had inadvertently turned into her own extreme make-over—her hair now hung in a sleek shoulder-length curtain and she’d taken the hairdresser’s advice and had a few foils put in. The hairdresser had raved at the result, and even the mums at the school had jumped up and down as Isla had stood blushing at the scrutiny but quietly pleased. But the one opinion that mattered, the one person she’d been hoping to impress, had scarcely even noticed.
‘What else?’
‘Not much.’ Isla blushed. A useless liar at the best of times, she wondered how some people managed to have affairs, managed to spend an afternoon making steamy, breathless love and somehow managing to arrive at the dinner table apparently normal. Her two trips to see Karin Jensen had been fraught with guilt—paying in cash, ringing them up to ensure they’d understood that no correspondence should be sent to the house. Even her parking ticket for the Art Centre in Melbourne had been carefully shredded.
Oh, God!
Another lurch of panic as she remembered her E-Tag, the tiny white box that Melburnians displayed on the dashboards of their cars, the tiny white box that bleeped as you went through the road tolls on the way to the city. If Sav looked at the bill he’d know she’d been there, would…
Taking another slug of wine, she ignored Sav’s slightly questioning glance as he topped up her glass, knowing he was undoubtedly confused. It normally took her the best part of an evening to work her way down a single glass, but here she was two minutes in and practically on her second!
He wouldn’t even look at the E-Tag account when it arrived, Isla consoled herself, and even if he did, as if he’d remember what had happened the previous month, as if he’d demand to know what the hell she’d been doing in the city that day. Sav wasn’t like that.
They trusted each other.
Tears pierced her eyes as she realized the incongruity of her thoughts.
Never in a million years would it enter his head that she’d been to see a solicitor today. That their marriage was nearly at the end of the line.
‘It suits you.’
‘Sorry?’ Blinking back at him, she tried to drag her mind back to the conversation but lost her way.
‘Your hair.’ He gave her a rare smile. ‘You’re upset that I didn’t notice you’d had it cut.’
‘I’m