Brave, Not Perfect. Reshma Saujani

with disapproval if we do, we tread lightly. When someone compliments us, we humbly deflect. This is one I definitely struggle with. Every time someone introduces me before a speech, they inevitably read off the awards I’ve won. Then I’ll get up there and make a joke about how my dad probably put them up to it. I’m pretty sure no guy would ever do that.

      Quiet. Contained. Modest. Diligent. Likable. Easy to get along with. You can see how all these accolades might have earned us high praise in girlhood but aren’t necessarily doing us any favors as grown women.

      Now, if you’re a parent reading this and thinking, I’ve totally screwed up my daughter—or are getting ready to blame your own parents for doing a number on you—let me stop you right there. The pressures on girls to be perfect does NOT all come down on the parents. It’s important that we understand how ingrained these cultural norms are, and how hard it is for them not to become internalized. As you’ll read about in the next chapter, more and more it’s about the messages girls are getting from the culture we live in, and their parents are caught with them in the same tangled net. But don’t despair—all hope is not lost, for you or for your daughter! As psychologist Dr. Meredith Grossman says, “It’s not about parents screwing up. It’s about becoming aware of these internalized beliefs and making different choices.”

      We can reverse and relearn these habits—and help our daughters do the same—with just a little awareness and practice. And in Part Three I’ll share my best tips, ideas, and strategies for doing exactly that.