Alice glanced across at him. He seemed a bit withdrawn today – she’d thought so the moment they’d begun walking towards the car park. It wasn’t what he’d said, or what he hadn’t said, it was an air of moodiness, of something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Because Sam was never moody – well, she had never seen him in a mood and it wasn’t something you’d latch on to in a letter – but there was a sort of darkness in his manner which she hadn’t encountered before. She cleared her throat.
‘Are you feeling OK, Sam?’ she said quietly. Perhaps he had toothache or something…?
He smiled briefly but didn’t look at her as they drove on. ‘Perfectly OK, thanks,’ he said, ‘just a bit tired, that’s all…it’s been difficult this week at the hospital.’
‘Difficult days and being tired are fairly regular problems for you, I should think,’ Alice said, wanting him to expand…wanting him to tell her what was bothering him – because she knew that something definitely was. Sam seemed far away from her…almost aloof…and this was so unlike him. He was always so open, so honest…especially with her. ‘Tell me what’s been going on – in the operating theatre this week,’ she said cajolingly.‘You know how much I like to hear what you do all day.’
‘Oh – I don’t want to talk about any of it,’ he said at once, ‘not now… This is the weekend when I hope we shall be thinking about more pleasant things.’
Alice sat back in her seat and looked out of the window. She was right. There was something bothering him and he didn’t want to tell her about it. Then she almost froze inside. Surely it wasn’t something to do with her – and him? Even after his last lovely letter to her? What had happened to make him almost cut her off just then…something he never did?
She glanced across at him overtly. Perhaps this is what married life is going to be, she thought. Trying to read each other’s feelings, to interpret sudden changes of mood. To understand what was going on in the mind of the other, to know when to stop intruding, when to stop questioning.And not to keep on demanding explanations.
Alice sighed inwardly, feeling her spirits droop slightly. Being with someone, properly, consistently, was going to be vastly different from merely receiving his letters…
Apart from his somewhat polite enquiries about work, they barely spoke again before arriving at Clifton, but as soon as they set foot in the house and went into the kitchen, Betty rushed forward all smiles, and everyone began talking at once, with Betty exclaiming over and over again at how well Alice was looking, and at how lovely her engagement ring was.
‘Now, that ring might have been made especially for you, Alice,’ Betty said. ‘It sits so nicely, doesn’t it…and doesn’t it sparkle!’
‘Yes, it certainly does that, Betty,’ Alice said. ‘I’m…very lucky,’ she added.
‘Not as lucky as I am,’ Sam said, slipping his arm around her waist and looking down at her with such an expression in his eyes that Alice’s recent fears vanished. She could be so stupid sometimes…imagining troubles that weren’t there…
Presently, Betty said, ‘Now then, I’ve got you a light lunch as it’s rather late, but,’ she paused, ‘there’s something a bit special for dinner tonight.’ A broad smile spread across her generous features. ‘The professor will be here, and there might be one or two other guests as well,’ she added, clearly nursing a secret.
Sam looked at Betty, frowning briefly. He was clearly puzzled at that. ‘Oh…really, Betty?’
‘Yes, well – your brothers and sisters are all hoping to be with us – the professor told them that Alice was coming home for the weekend and that it was time they put in an appearance. And I said it didn’t matter to me who turned up – there’d be enough food for everyone.’ She folded her arms, looking up at Sam and Alice fondly. ‘Won’t it be lovely all to be…all to be together again…’ Betty’s voice trailed off. They would never “all” be together again, not with Madam, Helena, no longer there. Sam cut in.
‘I haven’t seen any of the twins since the memorial service,’ he said, trying not to feel disappointed that there was going to be a houseful, when what he’d hoped for – and expected – was a quiet weekend just for him and Alice. They had so much to discuss. As Betty turned away to put some dishes on the table he glanced down at Alice and mouthed – ‘sorry’.
She shook her head quickly. ‘It’s fine,’ she whispered. ‘I’m looking forward to seeing them all again,’ she said, raising her voice and going across to sit down. ‘This looks lovely, Betty, and I’m hungry.’ Well, breakfast was a long time ago, and they’d had a busy morning in the office, hardly stopping for coffee.
‘I remember how you always liked my baked gammon in cider,’ Betty said happily, ‘and there’s these nice new potatoes and some salad. Just enough to keep you going until later, so eat up, both of you.’
Sam sat down as well, and they both did as they were told, the succulent and tender gammon almost melting on their tongues.
Later, they put on their coats and made their way across the road and over towards the Downs. It was a fine, and rather chilly late afternoon with few people about, and Sam tucked Alice’s arm into his as they strolled across the familiar territory. She put her head back and took a long, deep breath, still hardly daring to believe that she was walking here with the love of her life, that her dreams had all come true.
‘It is such a long time ago that we did this, Sam,’ she murmured. ‘It used to be when you came home on holiday from boarding school, wasn’t it, and you’d tell me everything that had been going on… I used to love listening to you explain everything that you were having to learn…it helped me to learn things as well,’ she added. ‘Your life sounded so exciting, so demanding… and so clever. Though I didn’t envy you the food they gave you to eat. By the sound of it, it was hardly comparable to Betty’s, was it!’
‘Most of it was vile,’ Sam said cheerfully, ‘or we all thought so at the time. But – I don’t suppose it was, really. You know how fussy kids can be.’ He looked down at her, pulling her in more closely to him. ‘All the time I was there, do you know the thing I looked forward to most? Having one of your letters – no, honestly, I mean it. Having letters when you’re away from home helps to keep you going, and yours certainly helped to keep me going, Alice. As soon as I saw your writing on the envelope I couldn’t wait to rush upstairs and read your letter in private. And it always made me smile because you had such a funny way of saying things.’
‘And I loved having yours,’ Alice said. ‘I used to just soak up everything you said, everything you wrote. I remember wishing that I could dress up as a boy and come to your school too!’
He nodded. ‘You were certainly like a sponge, Alice…you always took in everything I told you, and I was constantly surprised at how you never forgot any of it. You were so anxious to learn, to be informed.’ He glanced down at her. ‘It was one of the many things I liked…admired…about you,’ he added.
Alice didn’t return his gaze, feeling slightly embarrassed. She hadn’t realized that Sam had ever admired her…not in that way. They’d always liked each other, that was obvious, but any admiration had been one way, or so she’d thought.
After a while they stopped walking, and stood to lean over the wall and look across at the suspension bridge: the scene, from a slightly different angle, which Alice had stared at from her bedroom window, all those years ago. And for a few seconds, she wished with all her heart that she could stop the clock. This really was like the old times, when she’d felt so relaxed, so happy, so confident, just being with Samuel Carmichael. But…wait…these new times were even more wonderful! Because the person she had always truly loved, had told her that he truly loved her! What could possibly spoil her peace of mind?
She frowned briefly. When you asked that sort of question, you were likely to provoke an answer you weren’t expecting.