“Understatement,” Connor said around a mouthful.
“I don’t even know why we bothered to put pieces on the plates. We should’ve just eaten straight out of the box.”
“Because it takes longer to heat up a whole pie?”
“Yeah, good point.” Liss’s thoughts turned to Alison. “So, is Alison still working at the diner?”
“Search me,” Connor said. “I just know she’s trying to make a business out of the baking. It’s hard to start over.”
“You would know.”
“It’s not really the same.”
“Sure it is,” she said, taking another bite as if she could stuff her statement right back into her mouth. She should not be pushing him on this topic, and she knew that.
“No, it’s not the same. She was married to an asshole. She very rightly chose to end that marriage, and because of that finds herself with increased options in life. I didn’t make any choices about changing my life. It just changed.”
But you could make some now. She did not say that out loud. “Fine. But you are still in a new chapter of your life.”
“I should have put that book down a few chapters ago, then. Called it good.”
Liss’s stomach pitched. “I really hope that wasn’t supposed to mean what I think it did.” Right now she was ready to hit him in the face with her pie plate.
“What do you think it meant?”
“I hope you don’t think you should’ve stopped living. Because I don’t want to think about that. Connor, Jessie was one of my best friends. I know it isn’t the same as being married to somebody. I do. But I can’t think about losing you, too. I just can’t. I can’t lose both of you.”
“That’s not what I meant, Liss. I didn’t really mean anything by it.”
“Don’t say things you don’t mean.”
“Sorry, honey. I guess you missed the memo about me being a gigantic bastard.”
Liss sighed. “You are not a bastard. You do a very good impression of one, but I know you aren’t one. Case in point, I am standing in your kitchen with you eating dessert. Your kitchen, that is now my kitchen, too. Because you gave me a place to stay when I needed one. Because you are actually kind of a kick-ass friend. And a good man who buys charitable pies. So enough with the bastard talk.”
“I think you’re the only one who still thinks I’m decent, but I’ll take it.”
Her eyes met his, dark, enticing, with a hint of bitterness, like a coffee bean. Her heart squeezed tight, and she looked down. She didn’t know why this happened sometimes. Why she could stand there and talk to him and feel perfectly appropriate, neutral friendship feelings that she would have while speaking to someone like Jeanette. And then suddenly she would look at him, and things would change. Her breath would catch in her throat, her heart doing tricks. And in those moments he was the furthest thing from just a friend. In those moments he wasn’t just anything. He was everything.
“You are more than decent. And don’t argue with me. Anyway, maybe we should talk about what I can help you with around here?”
“You’re very effectively helping me demolish this pie. That’s appreciated.”
“I will be sure to add pie demolition to my résumé. But beyond helping you reduce the snack foods in your house, I’d like to help. Cleaning for sure, because that benefits me, too. I already do your accounting. But if there’s any other paperwork that you have, I’d be happy to help. I know that Jessie used to handle a lot of the admin.” She had already invoked Jessie’s name once in the past few minutes so she might as well do it again.
“Yeah, I’m pretty behind on some things, I can’t lie about that.” Connor braced his hands on the island, and her gaze was drawn to them. He had nice hands. Strong, square, masculine. He had never worn a wedding ring all that often. The kind of work that he did made the little gold band a hazard. More than one rancher had lost a finger by getting a wedding ring caught on an animal or a tractor. But she was still surprised that he’d taken it off and never put it back on again. In so many other ways she could see he was holding on tightly to the past, but not in that way. Of course, that wasn’t something you asked about. He sighed heavily. “I would like to lie about that. I pretty much do lie about it to Eli.”
“But what’s the point of lying to him? He would just want to help.”
“Yeah, that’s the thing. He wouldn’t be able to help himself. He would jump right in. And then he would resent me for it. And it’s not the resentment I’d mind so much, it’s the fact that he should have his own life. And I shouldn’t be interfering in it with all of my shit.”
“He’s your brother, though. Your shit is his shit.”
“It’s been that way for too long, Liss. I’m not going to do that to him anymore. He has Sadie now, and I just know he’s going to marry her. He’s got to make a family with her. And he should be free to do that. He’s been dealing with other people’s messes for way too long. I don’t need him to do it with mine.”
“That’s what family does. We clean up each other’s messes, because it’s better to do that than to not have family at all.” At least that was what she often told herself, because Madeleine Foster was a mess and a half. And Liss had spent a very good portion of her life cleaning up those messes. She was all in trying to keep her mother happy. Trying to prove her worth. But over the past few years it had started to wear on her. It was an insatiable well she could continue to pour into forever and never satisfy. Never get the one thing she was actually after.
“That’s why you’re good family to have.”
She wondered for a second if he was going to hug her again, like he’d done the other day. Stupid, but that hug was burned into her consciousness. There had been something about it, something that differentiated it from the hugs they’d shared before. It had left her warm and a little bit breathless. Or, more to the point, it had left her a little bit turned on. She’d had a very restless night that night.
All things considered, she really shouldn’t want another hug from him. But she did. Base creature that she was.
It was sort of the story of her life. Stealing a few cheap thrills now and again from innocuous Connor contact. Oh, she didn’t mean to. She didn’t mean to let sparks fly through her veins when his fingers brushed against hers, didn’t mean to go weak-kneed when he smiled and caught her eyes. It was involuntary. And unnecessary. But it happened all the same.
“Well, I’m happy to be your family.” She took a step backward, just in case he did intend to hug her. She needed to curb that before it happened. Because sanity. Because even though her reactions to him were involuntary, and in some ways not entirely unpleasant, it did not mean she had to encourage them. Because, as he just said, he felt all familial toward her. And it was what he needed from her. He did not need her getting gooey over hugs. “If you could leave me a list of things you want to look at tomorrow, I’ll go over it when I get up in the morning and get started.”
“I don’t want you to spend your Sunday doing chores for me.”
“And I want to start as I mean to go on. These are chores. I want to help you. I think I’ve made that perfectly clear by showing up once every couple of weeks with groceries. And by bringing you food so you don’t starve and die.”
“You were sharing that responsibility with Eli.”
“Sure. But I called and reminded him most of the time. Anyway, just leave me a list, and tomorrow I’ll get started.”
“Okay, but I’m afraid you’re going to regret this a little bit.”
She