Dad insisted on driving us to the airport, and for the whole journey I was consumed with teenage angst. I wanted to begin this adventure with Rob like an adult – I was an adult! – on the Heathrow Express, or in an Uber, not being chaperoned by my dad, who ran through a checklist of all the things he hoped I’d remembered to pack. It was making me nervous, as well as stroppy.
‘…Yes, Dad, I definitely have my driving licence, even though everyone gets cabs or the subway in New York…’
‘… Yes, I have two plug adaptors…’
‘… No, I didn’t get DVT socks, but they’ll have some at Boots in the airport. I’m not exactly in the high-risk category, anyway…’
‘…You already asked if I have my passport.’
He even asked Rob if he had his passport.
My eyes were rolling around my sockets; I thought they might never straighten up.
Rob kept playfully nudging my leg, aware of how increasingly wound up I was becoming. The only saving grace was that we were on the nine-forty flight, so we beat rush hour and our journey to Heathrow Terminal 5 was fast. Still, I couldn’t get out of the car quick enough.
‘You’re so funny sometimes,’ Rob said as we loaded my extensive luggage onto a trolley and Dad hooted as he drove off. ‘Now, are you absolutely certain you’ve got your passport?’
‘Yes, I frickin’ have… don’t you start!’ I squealed, in mock annoyance. ‘Does Dad really think I’m that much of an idiot?’
‘He just loves you,’ he said, looking amused. ‘I thought it was kind of sweet that he was concerned for me, too.’
‘I know he does and I know I’m lucky to have him.’ I softened. References like that reminded me that Rob didn’t have the luxury of a father figure. ‘But I’m quite looking forward to breaking away from all that. Anyway, is it too early for a drink?’
Once through security, we treated ourselves to a big breakfast and Buck’s Fizz. I breathed a sigh as we chinked glasses.
‘Wow! I can’t really believe we’re actually here, doing this, can you?’ Rob said, reading my mind.
‘Nope! It feels like a mad dream. But do you realise that, at this moment, we are technically homeless?’
He laughed anxiously. ‘It’s a scary thought. But we’re not going to be on the street, we’re just going to be tourists for a few days until we find an apartment.’
‘An apartment,’ I repeated. It sounded so dreamy.
With an hour to kill before boarding, we wandered around Duty Free and spent ten minutes trying on sunglasses. Then I fell in love with the most beautiful pair of Pradas, so I bought them on a whim. I’d rarely spent so much money on one item – an item I didn’t even know I wanted eleven minutes before – but they had cute little flicked-up corners. They called to me, in that voice only amazing sunglasses have.
‘I need to look the part if I have a hope of getting some freelance styling work,’ I said, justifying the expense to Rob, as one eye wandered over to the Jo Malone counter. Designer sunglasses weren’t exactly factored into our tight budget for the next few months. ‘I’ll see them as an early treat to myself, bought with an advance from my first pay packet.’
‘Whatever you say…’ Rob was already heading in the direction of Dixons.
Milling around the shopping concourse, we bumped into Amy, a colleague of Rob’s from the production company, 20Twenty, who was also relocating for the show. Wearing skinny white jeans, a white T-shirt and long white cardigan, she looked like an advert for the White Company, immediately identifiable as one of those girls who doesn’t have to try too hard to look stylish.
‘Rob!’ she shouted, genuinely pleased to have spotted us.
‘Hey, Amy, this is my girlfriend, Amber. Amber, Amy. Amy’s my AP on the show. She works twice as hard as anyone.’
‘Well, I’m not sure about that,’ Amy replied, looking down at her ballet pumps.
I looked at my sandals and freshly pedicured toes. I’d been worrying about my choice of footwear all the way to the airport and had almost convinced myself I needed to stop by Kurt Geiger for a new pair of shoes. Money spent in the airport doesn’t really come out of your bank account, right?
‘I didn’t realise you were moving out as well,’ she said, turning her attention to me. This time I noticed how pretty she was; she had the kind of skin that tans easily, freckles dotted across her face even though it was mid-winter, and beachy waves in her chestnut hair. I wondered what an AP actually did. ‘Do you work in TV, too?’
‘No, no… I’m hoping to get some freelance styling work when we’re out there. I work in fashion.’
‘Cool!’ She scanned my outfit, clocking my Longchamp bag and Cos jersey dress with renewed interest now she knew my line of work.
‘I’m hoping the weather stays warm when we arrive, too,’ she said, her examination of my clothes coming to rest on my gladiators and red toenails.
True, I do look more like I’m going on holiday to Marbella than moving to New York, but she’ll soon see when we step off the plane in bright sunshine and I put on my new designer sunnies.
After lunch on the flight, Rob nodded off next to me. I lifted the plastic shutter on the aircraft window and stared out at the expansive stretch of bright blue nothingness above the clouds. The sun was burning brightly; it looked so serene and beautiful, but also kind of blank, transitional. Like the Etch-A-Sketch drawing of my life was being wiped clean. In just a few hours, we would be landing somewhere else, in an alien city, full of people I didn’t know and places I was yet to discover. I would have to find a purpose there; I didn’t want to be Rob’s hanger-on. I hope I can do it. I felt a wave of anxiety rush through me and I shivered. The thin aeroplane blanket was doing nothing for my icy-cold legs and feet. I knew I should have worn jeans. I looked across at my sleeping boyfriend. My love, Robert Walker, so handsome, kind and strong. How did I, Amber Green, manage to bag such a gorgeous, loving, successful bloke? But what if New York changes him in some way? Or changes me? What if living together doesn’t work out, or he meets someone else? We were embarking on so many firsts together. My heart was beating fast. My old flat, my family, friends, old job, they already seemed so far away, but they were more than just far away – right now, they were gone for the foreseeable future. I was taking a huge leap of faith, jumping into a new life for the sake of this man.
I looked upwards to the grey plastic ceiling and the space from where the oxygen masks that you pray you’ll never have to see would pop down in an emergency. I closed my eyes and said a little silent prayer. After all, I was probably physically closer to God than I’d ever be in this life; it was worth a punt. Please let this trip work out, please, dear God. Please make it amazing and life affirming and everything I want it to be. Please.
The thought of it not working out and me having to come home alone was too awful to contemplate.
An air hostess came by, handing out water, breaking me away from my morbid thoughts. I resisted the temptation to ask her for a double vodka. In need of clearing my head and warming up a bit, I decided to go for a little wander down the plane. I bumped into Amy in a queue by the loo. Unlike me, she had changed into her flight clothes, and was now a vision in dove grey, with soft leggings, a matching sweatshirt and cosy cable-knit socks. One day I’ll be as organised as that.
‘How’s it going?’ she asked.
‘Good flight so far,’ I replied, ‘though I’m crap at sleeping on planes. Rob dropped off straight away, but I can never do that. Can you?’
‘I normally take a pill,’ she responded. ‘But with a daytime flight it’s hardly worth it. I’d rather get a good night the other