‘Good!’ I replied with more enthusiasm than I felt. She looked dubious. ‘Okay, I’m shattered, but I need to stay up and get on European time. I’ll be fine. The tea’s kicking in.’
‘How about a top-up then?’
‘Yes! Definitely more tea.’ I drained the last of my mug and handed it to her. She took it into the kitchen and put the kettle on.
With her back to me, she asked, ‘So, as long as you’re staying up for a while, do you want to talk about it?’
‘It?’ She turned to face me, looking mildly uncomfortable, like she was holding in a fart or something. ‘What?’ I asked, knowing exactly what she meant.
‘Neil.’ My break-up with Neil was literally the last thing I wanted to talk about. I would have put a lively conversation about Trump’s presidency, or the Syrian crisis, or even Brexit ahead of talking about the pile of shit I’d called my boyfriend for almost a year.
‘Not really.’ I feigned what I hoped looked like indifference.
‘Oh. All right.’ I could see the disappointment on her face. I could also see her mind working. ‘It’s just … well, we never really talked about it. Properly, I mean.’
She was right. I hadn’t wanted to talk to anybody about what happened with Neil – not my girlfriends, not my Sydney bestie, Lindsey – not even Cat. It was too humiliating.
‘True, but …’ I hesitated. Please don’t make me relive it all now when I am so exhausted. I’d rather stick a fork in my eye. I thought that, but what I said was: ‘Okay, you’re right.’
She brought fresh cups of tea back to the couch and pushed the chocolate biscuits towards me. She knew me so well. ‘So, what happened?’ She folded her legs under her and looked at me expectantly.
‘Well, Neil was a dickhead, and it took me far too long to get rid of him.’ I took a bite of a chocolate biscuit.
‘But I don’t get it. If he was so bad, why did you stay with him for so long?’ It was a question I’d asked myself a thousand times. I swallowed the hard lump of biscuit.
‘I really don’t know. I mean, almost immediately there were all these alarm bells going off. And I kept dismissing them – time and again. I told myself it wasn’t weird that he wouldn’t meet my friends, or that he never wanted to go anywhere or do anything. You know, I realised after we broke up that I stopped travelling when I met him. He wouldn’t even go away for the weekend with me. That’s why this trip … well, it’s not just the chance to return to Greece. It’s more. I knew as soon as we broke up, I had to go somewhere – anywhere.’
I looked over at my sister, and she was nodding sympathetically like she got it. It felt great to be ‘got’.
‘Oh, and he hated it when something good happened to me.’ Cat’s brow furrowed, questioning me. ‘You know when I got promoted to head of department?’ She nodded. ‘Well, I told him, and he said – and I quote – “Well, thanks for rubbing it in. Right after I got passed over for that promotion. Now I feel like shit. Nice one, Sarah.”’
‘He did not!’
‘He bloody did. And even then, I didn’t end it.’
‘Jesus. So, who was this slapper he cheated with?’
‘A friend.’
‘Hardly,’ she scoffed. ‘Do I know her?’
‘No, she was a new friend – from yoga – or at least, I thought she was my friend.’
‘But, how did they meet?’
‘At my place, would you believe it? I’d invited her over for a barbecue and I didn’t think anything of them talking for most of the night. I was just happy he was finally meeting my friends. Apparently, it started right after that.’
‘How did you find out?’
‘Well, he started acting way weirder than usual, so I figured something was up. Then I did something I never thought I would do – something truly awful.’
‘What?’ I could see the suspense was killing her, but I had never revealed this detail to anyone before. I sucked in my breath through my teeth.
‘I still can’t believe I did this. I hacked into his email account.’
‘Oh my god! That’s brilliant. How?’ I laughed with relief, loving her for saying it was ‘brilliant’, rather than ‘stupid and illegal’.
‘Well, it wasn’t exactly hacking. I guessed his password, and I got in.’
‘Seriously?’
‘Yep. Second try. It was his footy team.’
‘What an idiot.’
‘Yep. And there was an email trail of the whole thing. Months it had been going on – and get this, the whole time she was telling me to my face about this great new guy she was seeing.’
‘Utter bitch!’
‘I know!’ I bit into the biscuit and chewed furiously. Cat was perched on the edge of her seat. ‘So, I confronted him about it, and he lied to my face and told me not to be ridiculous. I looked at him – straight in the eye – and said, “I know for a fact you’ve been fucking her, you lying cheat. That cow can’t keep her legs or her mouth shut. So, we’re done. Never contact me again. Oh, and I hope you catch her chlamydia.” Then I left his place, and that was it.’ I shoved the rest of the biscuit in my mouth.
‘That’s like a scene from a movie.’
I nodded and swallowed. ‘Well, I did practise it a few times before I went over there. I knew he would deny it. In the emails, they were always saying how dumb I was for not knowing what was going on.’
‘Oh, Sez.’
I started to tear up. When I glanced up at Cat, she was looking at me as though I was a wounded puppy. I looked away and blinked the tears from my eyes. I wasn’t shedding any more tears for fucking Neil.
‘He’s a stupid bastard!’ she declared.
‘Yes, he is. But I haven’t told you the best part. After I broke up with him, I kept logging into his email so I could watch the aftermath.’ Cat peeped with glee. ‘Boy did it get ugly. He accused her of telling me, and she denied it. He asked if she had chlamydia, and she was outraged. He called her names, she called him names back, and eventually, she told him to fuck right off. So, in the end, he lost both of us.’
‘And you were with him for what, a year?’
‘Nearly – a few weeks shy. God, a year of my life, Cat. At least I didn’t have to buy him an anniversary present.’ I spat out a bitter laugh. Cat was quiet, and sadness took over. ‘I can’t believe I stayed as long as I did.’ The words came out as a whisper, and the tears threatened to return.
‘You thought he loved you.’ I nodded. ‘But, fuck him. His loss!’
I love my sister. She doesn’t mince her words. ‘You know, I booked this trip the day after I broke up with him. It was my ‘escape real life’ plan.’
‘Well, I’m glad you booked this trip – no matter why you did it. It’s going to be amazing.’ She paused. ‘And, Sez, you deserve way better than that fuckhead. You know that, right?’
I did know that, yes. I knew I deserved more than to be cheated on by every man I’d ever called my boyfriend, starting with my high school