‘That’ll work.’ We paid, we bagged, and we pushed the wonky-wheeled trolley three blocks to the boat where we were greeted with great enthusiasm by our boatmates, who then insisted they put the stuff away.
I was totally cool with handing over the reins; I’d hit a wall of exhaustion. So much so that, when the shopping was put away, and Duncan announced an expedition to explore more of the island, I declined. My plans included my bunk and a nana nap. I probably should have gone with them – who knew when I’d be back on Ios again – but I desperately needed to sleep.
I had only been asleep for about an hour when I woke to a loud voice in the cabin next door. ‘You know, you’re a smart guy. I like you.’ Patricia. She was back from her drinking spree, and I could only guess she was talking to Josh – and what was he doing back so soon?
Patricia continued her diatribe. ‘You’re not like the others on this boat. They have no idea what real life is all about; they have no soul. You take those two next door – Princess and Queenie. That blonde one, moping about ’cause she’s lost the supposed love of her life – well, guess what, sweetheart? Get over it. Find a new man – they’re everywhere! And the other one! The Queen of fucking Sheba. She thinks she’s all that. She thinks she knows. She doesn’t know! She’s misguided, see?’
Finally, I heard Josh’s voice, but he spoke so softly I could only make out a few words – ‘smart’, ‘sweet’, and ‘friends’.
Then she laughed one of those taunting I-know-better-than-you laughs. ‘That’s a joke. That girl’s not your friend. She’s collecting people like they’re trinkets for her charm bracelet. I’d watch that one if I was you.’
‘Yeah, we’re going to have to agree to disagree there, because I like her. And we are becoming friends.’ Well, I heard that! He was sticking up for me.
‘Listen, kiddo,’ she said, interrupting my thoughts about what great friends Josh and I were becoming. ‘You do your thing. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. Look, I’m going to head back out. I’ll catch you later.’
‘Later.’ And then I heard her leave the boat. I got up and opened the door of my cabin to make sure she was gone. Josh must have heard me, because he popped his head around the corner from his cabin.
‘Hi.’
‘Hi,’ I replied. I really had to concentrate on not staring at his torso, because he was only wearing a pair of shorts. And it was a nice torso.
‘Did you hear any of that?’
‘Most of it. Boy, she really hates me, huh?’
‘I wouldn’t take it personally. She kind of hates everyone.’
‘Except you.’
‘Yeah, except me for some reason.’
‘Hey, I thought you were going out with the others.’
‘I was going to, but then I realised how tired I was – especially as I didn’t really sleep last night. When they left, I took the cart back and then came back to sleep. As soon as I drifted off, Patricia came in and woke me up.’
‘Oh. Bummer.’
‘Yeah.’ I was still avoiding looking at his half-naked body, so of course, I ended up staring at his lips. He must have just licked them. They were shiny and looked very kissable.
‘Well, I’m going to try to get some more sleep,’ I said, as though the two of us lying on our respective beds with only a paper-thin wall between us was a perfectly platonic way to spend an afternoon.
I mean it was, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Instead I’d end up lying there thinking about Josh lying on his bunk half-naked and of course, I’d be wondering if he was thinking about me. The whole thing was far too sexually charged for my liking, and even though I was still ridiculously tired, I found myself saying, ‘Actually, scratch that. I’m going for a walk instead.’
‘I’ll come with you.’ Josh coming with me wasn’t part of my revised plan. A walk was my version of a cold shower. Didn’t he know that?
‘Sure. Sounds good,’ I lied.
‘Just let me get a shirt on.’ Yes, for god’s sake please put on a shirt! In fact, please never forget your shirt around me again. Damn him, he was causing a real stir. As I picked up my sandals, I reminded myself in no uncertain terms that I was not on this trip to have a holiday romance, especially with someone too young for me who lived on the other side of the world.
I was relieved when we departed the confines of the boat and I could breathe nonsexually charged air. As we walked along the pier away from the boat, I took in huge gulps of it, hoping to clear my head of extremely impure thoughts. Just friends, just friends, just friends, I chanted in my head.
We walked past waterfront cafés and bars, and there were a few more boats docked than when we’d arrived. The sun, still warm on our faces, was hanging low in the sky. It was magic hour, the time in the late afternoon when everything was bathed in golden light.
The water in the bay was an incredible blue, deep and inky, with patches of aqua near the surface where the light caught hold. It was a beautiful place, even if there was hardly anyone there – or maybe it was because of that.
Without talking about where we were going, we made our way up to the church we’d seen from the boat as we sailed in. It was just as breathtaking as it had seemed from far off – and much bigger than I’d thought. There was a low wall on the seaward side. I climbed up and swung my legs over so we could sit and look at the water. Josh did the same, coming to rest a few inches from me, our fingers nearly touching. Just friends, Sarah.
Away from the boat and fully clothed, the conversation flowed easily with Josh. Sometimes you meet someone, and even though on the surface they seem really different from you, you soon realise that you see the world through a similar lens. I’m not really one to talk about kindred spirits or anything hokey like that, but I found it refreshing talking to someone without having to edit everything I was thinking. As much as I loved my friends back home, too often I’d say something, and they’d tilt their heads to the side a little and look confused.
For some time, I’d felt that maybe I was just really weird. Talking to Josh made me feel understood – normal even.
Our conversation eventually turned to siblings, and we discovered we were both the eldest of two. ‘There’s this unspoken expectation that you’ll be the one to lead the way, to always get it right,’ he said matter-of-factly. ‘No matter what “it” is.’
‘At least in your family, it was unspoken. I was always being told to set a good example, to be responsible, to be good. So, I did – I was. Maybe that’s why I wasn’t exactly what you would call a happy child.’ I paused a moment, absorbing what I’d said. I was onto something, and I let the thought continue. ‘Even as a little girl, I was hyper-conscious of doing the right thing. I was so afraid to make a mistake.’ My heart twinged a little for that girl – for me. ‘Meanwhile my sister spent most of her childhood having a ball. She was so cute and charming, and so funny. People adored her. Even today she’s the freer spirit.’
‘So, do you think it’s in there somewhere?’
‘What?’
‘Your free spirit,’ he replied.
I looked at him for a moment and then back out at the water. ‘I hope so. I’m kind of exhausted by being good all the time. But you know, I put more pressure on myself to be perfect, to get it right, than anyone else does. I’m my own harshest critic. It’s tiring.’ I hadn’t ever expressed it in those terms before – not even to Cat. Especially not to Cat.
‘I’ve been thinking a lot about this sort of stuff lately,’ Josh said, breaking through my thoughts.
‘Oh