‘Yes, I do see.’ I look away, my right hand moving to fiddle with my wedding ring. It sits fast on my finger, metal snug against skin. ‘It’s different for me though, Ted – do you see? I do love Gareth – I want things to work with him, but I am so sick of being pushed aside, ignored … treated like I’m nothing.’ I raise my eyes to meet his. ‘I’m lonely, Ted, but when I’m with you, I’m not. I feel like you notice me. Gareth … he doesn’t even know I’m alive sometimes, but he’s my husband, and deep down he is still that man I married. I love him and I want us to get back to the way things were, but I also want this, here, with you. For now, anyway. Does that make me a bitch?’
‘Some would say so,’ Ted laughs, before reaching over and brushing his hand through my hair, in that way that makes me forget about Gareth and his cold, brittle demeanour, and I force away the feeling of self-loathing that bubbles under my skin.
I should leave, I know that. But sitting in the sunshine with Ted, enjoying the alcohol, the sun beating down on my bare shoulders, the feeling of actually being listened to for the first time in I don’t know how long, I can’t resist staying for one more drink before I head back to real life.
‘Another beer?’ I get to my feet, swinging one leg over the seat of the picnic bench, and picking up my empty wine glass.
‘Wouldn’t say no … but don’t you have to get back?’Ted flicks his wrist to glance at his watch. Another thing I like about him – he’s just as aware of where I need to be and when I need to leave as I am, although that might be fear of being found out that makes him so conscious.
‘One more drink can’t hurt, can it?’ I smile down at him. ‘And it’s like you said, it’s not as if there’s anyone we know here.’ Stepping my other foot over the seat of the bench Ted brushes his fingers across my ankle, sending a shot of desire straight through me. I’m not sure I’ll be able to go straight home after this drink.
The inside of the pub is dark after the bright sunshine of the beer garden, and I squint slightly as I enter, willing my eyes to adjust. It’s busier in here now, and glancing at the clock behind the bar I see it’s almost six o’clock. Not that I have anything to rush back for, Gareth won’t be home until goodness knows when, and Robbie will be out with Sean. I jostle next to a couple of men in suits at the bar as I wait to be served; the speedy service of this afternoon gone now as people stop in on their way home from work to enjoy a drink in the evening sunshine. Definitely best to make this the last drink before I get Ted to drop me somewhere close enough to the house to walk the rest of the way, but far enough out that we don’t get spotted.
As I wait, the pub getting busier and busier, I feel less and less confident about staying. What are you doing, Rachel? Are you really going to risk everything with Gareth for a fling with Ted? Just as the guilty feeling that sits heavy in my stomach becomes unbearable and I finally make the decision to leave it, to go home to Gareth and forget about seeing Ted again, I catch the bartender’s attention and he mouths, ‘Same again?’ I waver for too long, and then it’s too late – he pours a beer for Ted and another glass of wine for me. Turning, my hands full, I am startled by a man standing right behind me, almost too close. Beer slops over my hand and I yelp, holding the glass away from me to avoid it spilling down my skirt.
‘Shit, I’m sorry …’ He raises a hand to steady me before he squints at me over the top of his glasses, recognition dawning on his face. ‘Rachel? What are you doing here?’
Fuuuuck. This is the last thing I need. I knew we should have left while it was still quiet, less chance of being spotted. Now it seems like I’ve blown everything. Keep cool, Rachel, he doesn’t know anything.
‘Aaron.’ I keep my tone deliberately on the icy side, hoping that he doesn’t want to stop and chat. ‘I haven’t seen you for years.’
‘It’s been a while,’ he smiles, crinkling his eyes at me, ‘so, is Gareth here? It would be good to catch up over a drink, if you guys have time.’ He looks pointedly at my full hands, both carrying fresh drinks, and my heart sinks down to my sandals.
‘Ermmm, no.’ I manage to force the words out through my dry mouth. The urge to sip at the wine in my hands is overwhelming. ‘Gareth isn’t here, I’m just … having a quick drink with a friend, that’s all.’
‘Ah. Shame.’ Aaron looks me up and down, and I remember how he used to make my skin crawl when he first started working for Gareth. Aaron and I had been at the same university together but had never really been friends, he’d just known some of the people that I had hung around with. I hadn’t seen him since graduation, not until his CV landed on Gareth’s desk. I didn’t remember him being creepy at uni, but when he started working for us he had this … unsettling air about him. Intense – to the point of making me feel quite uncomfortable.
‘We’ll have to catch up though, really soon,’ he’s saying, ‘I’ve just moved back over this way. I split up with Harriet, so I’m renting a place over in West Marsham, not far from you guys actually.’ Oh Jesus, I’m not sure things could get any worse.
‘Yes. Yes, of course. We’ll arrange something. If you’ll excuse me?’ Heart thundering so hard I swear Aaron can see my pulse jumping in my throat, I lift the full glasses and nod towards the door into the garden.
‘Nice to see you.’ Aaron stands to one side and I walk as casually as I can towards the beer garden, feeling his eyes on my back until I’m out of his sight.
‘Here.’ I thrust the not quite full pint at Ted and take a healthy slug of the rapidly warming white wine in my glass.
‘Easy tiger, what’s the rush?’Ted looks at me in amusement as I swallow, not even waiting to sit back down on the bench. ‘I thought we said one more drink would be OK.’
‘That was before.’
‘Before what?’Ted pats the bench next to him, but I shake my head and move to the opposite side, sitting to face him.
‘Before I saw someone I know. Someone who knows Gareth.’ I scan my eyes quickly over the garden, but I don’t see Aaron anywhere yet. Hopefully he’s decided that it’s too hot outside and taken a seat at the bar.
‘Shit,’ Ted swears, but still doesn’t seem fazed – he’s certainly not as worried as I am. ‘Don’t panic, Rachel.’
‘Don’t panic? Ted, we have to go – I don’t want us to be seen together!’ I start collecting up my cardigan and bag, tucking the strap under my arm, but Ted lays a hand over it.
‘Wait. If we rush off together it looks like we’re up to something …’
‘We are!’
‘… but if we just have a drink, talk and don’t panic, we look innocent, OK? Plenty of people go out for a drink completely innocently.’ He holds my gaze in a calm, steady look and I let myself take a deep breath. ‘Now, who is this person?’
‘Aaron. He used to work for Gareth, God … it must be five or six years ago now.’ Calmer now, I take another sip of wine. ‘He’s moved back here after he split up with his girlfriend apparently. He’s a creep.’ I suppress a shudder and peep over my shoulder, still anxious that he’ll come out into the garden at any moment and spot us.
‘Is he likely to tell Gareth that he saw you?’
‘I don’t know … maybe. I don’t know why he’s back, or what his plans are. I don’t know if he’s made any plans to see Gareth, although he did say it would be good to catch up. I was so rattled to see him that I forgot to ask.’
‘OK. If anyone asks … or more importantly, if Gareth asks, we were meeting to discuss a job opportunity.’
‘A job opportunity?’ I’m not quite sure where Ted is