Lara pulled her phone from her pocket and handed it to the tech guru. She didn’t wait to hear what the others might say. Instead, she left the conference room and went into the break room where she could be alone for a little while.
The scent of hot coffee wafted in the air as she walked over to a nearby window and stared unseeing outside. She needed to be alone and think.
Somehow, someway, she had to remember everything that Andrew Moore had ever told her about his past. She needed to try to separate the lies from any truth he might have said that could be helpful in finding him now.
When Moretti had been acting as Andrew, had there been any truth at all in what he’d told her? Her stomach bucked and kicked with nausea as she thought of just how close she’d gotten to Andrew. Close enough to consider blowing her own cover, close enough to have sex with him and get pregnant and have a baby that he now probably had in his clutches. God, she’d been so stupid.
And now Emily was at risk, and Lara needed a way to figure out where Moretti might have her. She wanted to bang her head against the window until all the answers she needed popped into her head.
“Lara, I’ve linked your phone.” Christina’s voice came from the break room doorway. Lara didn’t turn around. “Uh, I’ll just leave it here on the table.”
Now all she needed was for Moretti to phone her, and hopefully Christina would be able to trace the call to lead them to wherever the bastard might be holed up.
Emily had now been in her father’s possession for well over sixty long minutes.
“Lara, we’ll get her back safely.” Nick’s deep voice turned her around from the window. He stood just inside the break room entry, as if unsure whether she would welcome his presence or not.
“You have no idea what he’s capable of,” she said. Her legs began to shake, and she walked carefully across the room and sank down in a chair.
Nick moved to the chair next to hers and also sat. “We’ll find him and we’ll get her back.” He reached his hand out toward hers, but then withdrew it when she made no move to meet him halfway.
She might have spent the night with him, but she didn’t need him to hold her hand right now. What she needed was for somebody to tell her where her daughter was located and how to get her back where she belonged. What she needed was to be strong enough, smart enough to deal with a man who once again seemed all omnipotent.
Nick’s eyes were dark and unfathomable as he gazed at her. “It must have been so tough on you...finding out that you were pregnant and having to go into lockdown.”
His words cast her back in time to the Virginia countryside and the modest rented house that had been both prison and sanctuary for her for a little over a year after she’d helped bring down the Moretti crime organization.
“It was,” she replied softly, immediately caught up in memories. She released a deep sigh and fell into them. “Initially I was horrified to realize I was pregnant, especially considering who the father was. I thought about getting an abortion, but I realized I couldn’t do it. The baby might have been half his, but she was also half of me.”
Deep emotion pressed tight against her chest. Initially she’d been so conflicted as to what to do, what was the right choice to make. Once she had finally made up her mind that she would carry the baby to full term, she’d been completely at peace with her decision.
Nick’s eyes held no judgment, only support and encouragement for her to share more with him. And for the first time since Emily’s secret birth, Lara wanted to talk about it.
“In the beginning I couldn’t imagine how I could ever love a baby who was part of him. But the first time I felt the stir of life inside me, I claimed that baby as all mine and mine alone, and from that moment on I had nothing but love in my heart and soul.”
Her hand fell to her flat abdomen, but in her mind she caressed an ever-growing baby bump. The pregnancy had been an easy one. She’d suffered no morning sickness, no strange cravings or unusual tiredness. Rather, she’d been more alive in those nine months than she’d ever been before in her entire life.
“It was the first time since my mother’s murder that I knew what it felt like to love,” she said. “I also knew that I loved the baby enough to know that, once she was born, I’d give her up for adoption.”
“You never considered keeping her?” Nick asked.
She hesitated a moment as a lump formed in the back of her throat. “Maybe in my wildest fantasies,” she finally replied and remembered how she’d dreamed of a baby room decorated with dancing bears and a rocking chair where she would sit each evening and rock her precious baby to sleep. She’d fantasized first steps, first words and all of the other wonderful firsts that a child brought into the world.
They had been wonderful fantasies to entertain, but she’d always known they were just sweet imaginings that would never really come true.
“Ultimately I knew the reality of the situation. Her very existence had to be kept a secret. I understood that she would be under threat every minute of every day of her life if it ever came out that Andrew Moretti was her father. I couldn’t take that chance. I loved her too much to give her that kind of life.”
An unsettling memory flashed in her head, a memory of Sean Dunst’s girlfriend telling them that Sean had loved little Tina Cole so much that he’d had to kill her to save her from the kind of life she’d have if he sold her. What was wrong with this damned world that little girls were murdered and babies were given up in order to keep them safe?
“And the Minnows? How did they wind up with Emily?” Nick’s voice pulled her back to the here and now.
“That was Victoria’s doing. She arranged for me to meet them when I was eight months pregnant. I knew immediately that they were the right people for raising Emily. Not only was it obvious that they loved each other, but they were also willing to give up their own lives to disappear into the witness protection program.”
She got up from the chair and once again walked over to the window, fighting against the heart-piercing ache of loss that always accompanied thoughts of her sweet Emily.
“They stayed at the house with me for the last two weeks of my pregnancy,” she continued, talking around the lump that still remained in the back of her throat. “And the time I spent with them only confirmed to me that they were absolutely right. They were both mentally and physically prepared to do whatever needed to be done to assure Emily as normal a life as possible, yet move quickly if danger ever came near.”
Tears pressed hot behind her eyes, and she swallowed hard against them. She hadn’t cried during the ten long hours of labor when she’d delivered Emily, and she hadn’t shed a tear when she’d handed the newborn baby girl into Faye’s awaiting arms.
She closed her eyes to staunch the tears as she remembered the moment the doctor had placed Emily in her own arms. Lara had insisted she have a moment with the baby whom she would probably never see again. Emily had been cleaned up and wrapped in a soft pink blanket.
She’d weighed in at six pounds, six ounces, a mere featherweight in the world of babies, but in Lara’s arms the weight had felt like nothing she had ever held before.
Lara’s heart had expanded with the awe of birth, the wonder of the precious baby girl who smelled of innocence and new beginnings and endless possibilities.
Emily had settled into the cradle of Lara’s arm, her dark eyes matching the tuft of dark hair on the top of her head, and her gaze had locked with Lara’s.
Her rosebud lips had opened, as if to speak, and in her eyes Lara swore that she saw unconditional love and vast wisdom and the acceptance and forgiveness of the great sacrifice Lara was about to make.
And then she had handed