Her mother was sensible, cautious; she liked order and stability. Sometimes it drove Ellie nuts. Yes, the concern was no doubt born of love, but lately the family safety net felt like it was strangling her. When were dreams so bad, so dangerous? The two of them got on alright, but often Ellie felt very different from her mother. They viewed the world through different eyes. Ellie felt that there was something more out there in the big wide world, something she hadn’t found yet. And so what if it all went wrong? At least she’d have tried.
‘It’s not as though there are jobs on trees at the moment, Eleanor.’ Jeez, her full name was coming into action now. Mum really was toeing the sensible line.
‘I know that. But, I’d find something else if it came to it, Mum.’ She’d waitress, clean loos or something if she had to, if it all went belly-up a few months down the line.
Sarah just raised her eyes to heaven and took the slab of meat to hand.
Ellie sighed. Nanna Beryl would have understood. But she wasn’t here to back her up any more, bless her. A knot of loss tightened inside. She was such an amazing character, hard-working, fun, loving and wise. Nanna had inspired Ellie into this baking malarkey, many moons ago in her tiny kitchen flat – Ellie cleaning the mixing bowl out with big licks of the wooden spoon once the cake had gone into the oven. She had watched, she had learned, had her fill of sticky-sweet cake mix, and she had loved. She kept Nanna’s battered old Be-Ro recipe book stashed in her bedroom, with Beryl’s hand-written adaptations and extra recipes held within it. Her choffee cake was awesome – a coffee-chocolate dream: one bite and you felt you’d gone to heaven.
But bless her, she had died just over a year ago. Ellie still felt that awful pang of missing her. Hopefully she was up in heaven somewhere still cooking cakes and keeping all the angels cheery and plump. Yes, she was sure Nanna Beryl would have supported her in this, told her to go out there and give it a try. She could almost hear her voice, that golden-warm Geordie accent, ‘Go on canny lass, diven’ worry about your mam. She was born sensible, that one. It’s your life, your dream.’
And she needed this change, especially with everything that happened six months ago with that tosser Gavin. Nah, she didn’t want to even think about that. He wasn’t worth spending thinking-time on.
Ellie popped her jacket in the understairs cupboard and came back to the kitchen offering to make the dumplings for the stew. She asked her mum about her day, glad to divert the attention and questions from herself. Sarah had a part-time job at the Co-op around the corner, as well as doing a couple of mornings’ cleaning at the doctor’s surgery. They chatted comfortably. Mixing the dumpling ingredients took Ellie’s mind off things. She added dried herbs to the flour, then the suet and water, rolling the dough between her hands, circling broken-off lumps in her palms into neat balls ready to float on the stew.
Ten minutes later, the front door banged open and Keith, Ellie’s father, appeared with a loud ‘Hullo’ and a broad grin, returning home after a day plumbing and handy-manning. He popped his head into the kitchen. ‘Good day, girls! How did it go, then, our Ellie? Head chef already?’
‘Not quite,’ she smiled. ‘There’s a chance of a second interview. But I’ll just have to wait and see.’
‘Well, best of luck, bonny lass. Best of luck. Better go up and get myself changed out of these work things. Stew is it tonight, Mam?
‘Ah-hah.’
‘Great. I’m starving.’
Things had been slower for him these past few years with the recession biting hard in the building trade, but he’d do odd jobs as well as the plumbing, anything really. He had a trade – he was lucky, he often said. Ellie listened to his cheery whistle as he headed upstairs to change out of his navy boiler suit.
Jason, Ellie’s brother, sauntered in soon after, dumping muddy football boots in the hall. He was nine years younger than Ellie, seventeen to her twenty-six, and still at sixth form. In the main he tried to avoid schoolwork as much as he could, filling the gap with sport, occasionally interrupted by a crush on a new girl. This month it was Kylie of the white-blonde hair and dark roots from down the road. She was still giving out confusing signals, apparently, one minute sitting next to him on the bus to town, full of chat, the next giggling with her friends and hardly giving him the time of day.
‘Jason, boots out the back, please. Not the hall. The house’ll be stinking. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you,’ Sarah shouted, catching him before he drifted off upstairs, and the aroma of sweaty teenage footwear permeated the house.
An hour and a half later, they were all assembled around the kitchen table. Jay was famished, as per usual, and shovelled his stew down like there was no tomorrow. Then a normal night in the Hall household followed: telly – sport or soaps, Coronation Street being Mum’s favourite, the boys swapping channels to any footie that might be going, general chit-chat, cup of tea, off to bed.
Ellie opted for an early night. The trip up north, the interview, had drained her. Lying there under her single duvet, within the four pink-painted walls – one cerise, three blossom, (she’d chosen the shades aged twelve) of her small bedroom, she thought about her day at Claverham Castle. Was there any chance they might offer her the lease? If so – wildest dreams – would they also offer her a room there? What might it be like, working there, living there? Her dreams felt like bubbles, floating iridescent in a blue sky of hope. But, then, wasn’t there always the inevitable pop, then plop, when you came splatting back down to earth?
Her thoughts spun on, sleep elusive. She should have been better prepared, done her homework, thought about it all more thoroughly. And, she hadn’t even mentioned half the things in the interview that she’d mentally prepped in bed the night before. Maybe her mother was right; doing things on a whim was never the best option. But something inside told her she was right to try for that interview today. She’d been so excited reading the ad in the job pages of the Journal, then ringing up, actually getting an interview, taking those steps towards her dream. She could make a go of it, given half a chance. The if dangled before her, her dream on a very thin thread, making her feel queasy in the pit of her stomach.
Concrete, steel, glass – Ellie’s working world. Tuesday, the day after her tearoom interview, and walking into the impersonal open-plan insurance office made her feel flat; just serving to remind her of how the next ten years might pan out – the most exciting prospect being a promotion to claims supervisor, more targets to push for, deadlines to beat, staff to rally.
The other staff there were fine, to be fair. Her ally, Gemma, the only one she could trust with the truth about the interview and why she’d taken a day’s holiday, collared her at the coffee machine.
‘So? How was it?’ her friend uttered in hushed tones. She knew how much this interview meant to Ellie, and had volunteered a few days ago, half-jokingly, to become a waitress for her should it all come off. Gemma was a townie through and through, and dreaded the thought of leaving the city for anything.
‘It went okay-ish … I think,’ Ellie whispered back, taking a plastic cup in hand, positioning it and pressing the button. ‘It’s hard to tell. There’s someone else lined up for it, though, I think.’
‘Ah, but you never know. Good luck!’ Gemma smiled encouragingly right through to her blue-grey eyes. She was tall with a lean, boyish figure and platinum-blonde hair cut in a short, choppy style.
‘I’m just waiting for …’ Ellie started.
‘Morning, ladies.’ Weasly William, a colleague in their claims team, shuffled up beside them, making Ellie jump.
‘Morning, Will,’ Ellie replied. Gemma just raised her eyebrows. He always seemed to appear just when you were chatting about something you shouldn’t: sex or alcohol, in Gemma’s case. She was sure he did it on purpose. Her theory was, and this