William Collins
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers
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This eBook first published in Great Britain in 2018 by William Collins
Copyright © Isabella Mackie 2018
Illustrations by Anna Morrison
Cover illustrations © Anna Morrison
Isabella Mackie asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins
Source ISBN: 9780008241728
Ebook Edition © 2019 ISBN: 9780008241742
Version: 2019-11-11
‘Timely and empathetic … an insightful take on what it’s like to experience, and confront one’s mental health … warm, accessible and perfect.’
Grazia
‘A book of real hope and one that will truly inspire you.’
Stylist
‘Bella’s brilliant love letter to running turns into an extraordinarily brave and frank account of her battle with anxiety. This is a compassionate and important book which presents running as a simple but effective antidote to an anxious world.’
Joe Lycett
‘An insightful take on what it’s like to experience, and confront one’s mental health while joyfully celebrating the fact that just being an everyday runner can be enough to change your life. Warm, accessible and perfect for resetting a glum January mindset.’
Alexandra Heminsley, author of Running Like a Girl
‘A heartfelt and joyous ode to the strange, wonderful pull of a pair of ugly trainers, tight fitting Polyyester, the rainy, windy open road and the peace and clarity it brings. Anyone that runs will love this book.’
Dermot O’Leary
‘I don’t know that I will ever become a runner but this book is an inspiring start to the year.’
Nigella Lawson
‘Jog On will act as a comfort – and a spur – to so many. It is kind, it is honest and it will make you finally pull on those trainers and get moving. It will also – and this is so important – help you to understand what those experiencing anxiety endure.’
Lynn Enright
For George,
who was as brave as anyone I ever met,
and to whom I owe most things.
CONTENTS
Copyright
Praise for Jog On
Dedication
1K – Everything is Awful
2K – In Sickness and in Health
3K – Suffer the Little Children
4K – Is It Too Late to Try?
5K – Exercise is Intimidating
6K – Pushing through Panic
7K – Why Do We Run?
8K – Know Your Limits
9K – Listening to Your Body
10K – Pitfalls and Disappointments
And finally … some tips for getting started
Footnotes
Resources
References
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Also by Bella Mackie
About the Publisher
I ran for three minutes today. In the dark, slowly, and not all in one go. That’s three minutes more than I’ve ever run in my life. I’m out of breath and I’ve got a stitch and I already feel better than I have in years. That’s enough for a first attempt. Now I can go back home and have a cry. Or some wine.
Even as I lay on the floor of my sitting room, watching my husband’s feet walking quickly towards the door, I was already thinking about what was to come. When a marriage breaks down, there will be unbearable sadness, awkward questions, sometimes embarrassment. I could imagine all of them. Staring down at the rug, my mind had jumped ahead, blurrily plotting out the impending future. I even started to vaguely compile the inevitable playlist of terrible songs that I knew would be belting out mournfully at 4 a.m. for weeks to come.
I have learnt now that the actual moment of heartbreak can be astonishingly brief. It’s not always the drawn-out disintegration you imagine it might be as an adult, bits of love and comfort slowly breaking off over years, until there’s nothing left to say at all. Sometimes it happens in a flash, takes you by surprise, gives you no time to prepare. Someone stands across from you, looks directly into your eyes and tells you that they are leaving you, that they no longer love you, that they have found someone else, that you are not enough, and you think: ‘Oh, so this is the moment that I am going to die. I can’t possibly get through this.’ Somewhere, something in your body has savagely ruptured, and all you can think to do is to lie down on the floor and wait to be invited to walk down the inevitable tunnel of light.
I don’t know which way is worse. Both are hideous, most break-ups are. I once heard a story about a couple in a restaurant who ate in total silence for over an hour. When coffee came, the husband whispered something to the wife, who hissed back: ‘It’s not the coffee, it’s the last twenty-five years.’ A slow crumbling like that would be pretty appalling. But when you’re