he bent his lips on her neck. „Sweetheart, I am not right for you. You are an angel, a one-in-a-million woman, and I am a former criminal, now owner of a shady night club. And I still have contact to dangerous men, and women.“ He hesitated, as his words had absolutely no effect on her. „I don’t have a heart. It was destroyed a long time ago. I am cruel, and hard, and I do not have many good feelings. I do not let people get close to me. Never.“ She nodded, as if it were quite usual. „I know. Will you love me, now?“, she said dismissively. „When you say that …“ „Yes, I mean, put yourself inside my body.“ „Then you have done this, before?“ She smiled. „No.“ „But don’t you want to keep it for your husband?“ The more he spoke, the less use he perceived in it. She was determined to have him, and there was little sense in denying it. But he would fight her, to the end. He did not want to ruin her for a decent, deserving man, who would marry and love her. „I was hoping you would be my husband“, she said softly, kissing the spot below his ear. His eyes flew open. „What in hell? Sorry. What?“ „You heard me.“ „So you have escaped Bedlam. How long do you expect your cover to last, Miss?“, he said dryly. She laughed. „Why is that so revolting?“ „Because as I said …“ „Ryker! I have been drawn to you since I saw you once talking to Colin’s father. You are kind underneath your roughness, you are intelligent, purposeful, and tough, and you are incredibly handsome … strong … I want you so much.“ She whispered the last words into his ear, and he couldn’t withstand her anymore. He just melted. He drew her into his arms, and then, he made her the woman she had asked him to make her. When he entered her, she arched against his hips, pressing her round breasts against his chest, moaning for him. „Make love to me, baby, make love to me“, she gasped. He smiled at her self-confidence, and thrust gently into her. She cried out, in such a sweet, mind-blowing sound, he had to concentrate very hard not to spill immediately. He could hold himself together for as long as he chose with any woman, except with this one. „Oh … Oh, God … Oh!“ „What is it?“, he asked worriedly, as her eyes became large. „I am so full“, she said lowly, entirely surprised. „What did you expect?“, he teased her softly. „I didn’t think … well, who would have thought … they never said …“, she mumbled more to herself. „Do you enjoy it?“ She beamed up at him. „It is wonderful. I love feeling you this close. You are so beautiful“, she lovingly said, her lowered gaze caressing his shoulders and chest. Her hand followed down his back, and she lowered it onto his bottom. „I adore your bottom. It’s so firm, and hard“. He chuckled, and she tentatively started moving her hips. „Can you move?“, she asked. He smiled. „Yes, but let me get in completely, first.“ „Oh … Oh!“ He entered her fully, and her face drew up in surprise, and discomfort, but only for a moment. Then, lust kicked in. „Move, claim me!“, she exclaimed, and he had to bury his face at her shoulder, shaking silently. „Are you laughing? Really?“, she moaned desperately. „I never would have thought you to be so passionate, so reckless", he grinned. „But I love it.“ I love you, he thought, and then he stiffened. Before he could help it, he withdrew. He bounced up, and then he stood at the window, motionless, arms folded in front of his chest. She had cried out, when he had pulled out roughly, but now, she was completely still. She sat in bed, and just watched him. "It's alright“, she said after a long while. „We can stop and be as we were before.“ „Are you always that saintly? Even after a man took your innocence and then just let you be?", he barked out aggressively. He wanted to hurt someone. Badly. He had not been in a fight for five years. But with his looks, and attitude, if he just went out on the streets of St. Giles, he would get a fist flung at him within minutes. He just had to choose his words a little. „It does not matter. What matters, is you. I love you“, she said quietly, and he heard the tears rising in her throat. He turned around, so taken aback, he could only use his usual coldness to keep her at bay. „I don’t love you.“ Outrageously, he did. „I don’t want to be with you, nor even be your friend. I’ll sponsor your youths, and that’s it.“ She nodded, her face composed, but she must be breaking up inside. „Alright.“ „Alright?“ He banged his fist into the wall, making his knuckles hurt in the familiar way. It soothed him. „Your love cannot be very deep, then.“ „If you are well enough to leave, you might do that. I think I would wish to have a moment to myself“. Her voice shook slightly, and she caressed the bed sheets. But she kept her dignity. He grunted disdainfully - why, he had not the slightest idea, because really, he admired her more than he had ever admired anyone or anything - , and pushed himself off the wall with his foot. „Bye“, was all he said.
Chapter 4
A s he walked into the night, he thought he might suffer a stroke. Dead at twenty-eight. Of course, he had been in danger of imminent death at many times in his life. But to die from a brain failure was something unexpected. He almost walked into a street lantern. It was now night, and only late commuters were still on the street. He could not believe what he had done, although, by his standards, it wasn’t really much. He had not hurt her physically, he had neither abused nor yelled at her. He had only been cruel with his words. Yes, he was a bastard - in more than one way. It was only logical she should be treated thus by him, because love and hope had long, long time ago abandoned him. In fact, since the day he was born, almost his entire existence on planet Earth had been deprived of love. But for his sister. She loved him, although they both took care not to show much of it. But it was there. Now, of course, her affections were directed towards her husband. And soon, to her children. What did it matter. He had never known anyone else’s love. His mother had been led to believe he had died after birth. And his father, too. He had never really felt sad in life, because it was not an emotion that anyone showed him in his infancy. He did see someone cry, of course, but he never truly understood, why. He only cried from pain, or once, from rage. And that woman - Louisa - would not make him start! He was Ryker Black, a cruel, emotionally independent master of the underworld, and he justified himself to no-one. If he told her he did not love her, he was free to do it. No-one could force him to live up to his heart. A horrible thought struck him, and he stopped in his tracks. What if he became like his father? A weak man, who had suffered cruelly under an unhappy love, and, more importantly, had made his children bear the brunt. All his sufferings as a child were due to the man’s determination not to live with his mistress, and to remain with his wife. Alas, enough! He must end this useless flow of thoughts at once! What was done, was done.
He continued to walk, and then he suddenly met Billy Knight on the street. „Sir!“, the later beamed. Of course, he had reinstated him as his whiskey seller the minute she had left his office. The man all but hugged him under the very street lamp, for all to see. „I thank you so much.“ „It’s Miss Arnheim“, he mumbled defensively. „Ms. Arnheim. We all pray for her. She is the sweetest girl - well, a striking woman, really. Colin loves her. We shall miss her so much. But then, it’s always the best, isn’t it.“ He sadly shook his head. „What do you mean?“ Ryker demanded gruffly, his voice like a saw. Mr. Knight looked up. „You don’t know?“ „I do not repeat myself“, he said, suddenly intent on violence. Mr. Knight gulped. „She is dying.“ And Ryker did have his stroke. In a way. The skies literally opened, or rather, the air around him dissolved, and he knew with absolute certainty, same as he knew how to kill a man, that she was the one person he needed to be with. Right now, and in this life. The very air whispered her name, the lantern’s light reminded him of her hair, her scent was still on him. His damn cock was still slick with her. „Why?“ „Because she has this strange illness … anemia, I think they call it. It is now very critical, the doctor says. Of course, she won’t hear of it, the little warrior. She told the children, however, because she wanted them to get used to the idea she wasn’t always going to be there. And that she expected top work from them all at school, at work, and with themselves, in dealing with others, etc. They do whatever she asks. How do we live without her?“ Ryker stared at him. „I don’t think that is possible“, he said, and he felt like a damn fool in front of Billy, despite telling the truth. Billy nodded, all astonishment, but agreeing, and then Ryker wheeled around, and ran. He ran like the wind, his feet pounding on the pavement. He felt like the boy who had run so many times, from a person who wanted to beat him, from the police or the angry mob, or from other boys. He was fast, and now he was just as desperate as he had been then. Only, now he was running towards death and pain, not from it, and he was running towards another human being, as he had always run away from them.
