Yours
Dr E Cheung
NB: My preference is to remain Dr Cheung on all relevant paperwork. My parents didn’t immigrate halfway round the world to write home about their daughter, Miss Cheung. I think you’ll agree it lacks gravitas.
TO: Devon Surf Co
FROM: Isabella Yeats
RE: Administrative Error
Dear Ashley (and Kai – Aloha Kai, if you’re reading this),
Thank you for the (second) letter and follow-up phone message confirming my appointment as Surf Instructor at your new venture within the National Trust. I know it sounds like a lie, but the dog did genuinely eat your first letter!
I’m afraid I’ve hit a little blip in the health department and am stuck here in Sussex for the next couple of months, so a recce isn’t possible over the bank holiday weekend as I’d thought.
As previously mentioned, my daughter is in school until 8 July. I’m not sure how much they actually learn in those last couple of weeks (LOL), but I do know she is looking forward to participating in her first-ever British school sports day (she is a gifted runner) which is on 7 July. Is there any chance the June start date could be a bit more … elastic?
Oh – and don’t worry about explaining British terminology like flat/apartment and holiday/vacation. I was raised here so am well versed in British colloquialisms as well as Hawaiian.
Yours sincerely,
Izzy Yeats
Surfer
Dear Headmaster Lindley,
Please accept my apologies for writing to you on informal notepaper. I’m afraid I am ‘between’ printers at present. I was terrifically embarrassed upon hearing about my son, Jack Mayfield’s, role in that dreadful prank. More than embarrassed, frankly. I am truly ashamed to have raised such an unkind young man.
Though you are generous in saying that boys will be boys, it is absolutely no excuse for tying another student to a lavatory in a disused outbuilding. It was a cruel, cruel thing to do.
Obviously, we are well beyond the days of corporal punishment, but I agree that working in the dining room throughout half-term for the overseas boarders would be a better option than mucking out the horses in the stables. As you noted, he’s a bit obsessed with horses right now and would more than likely see it as a reward rather than a punishment. If his riding privileges could also be revoked I would be most grateful.
Jack’s father is tricky to reach at this time as he is balancing work with the arrival of his new daughter. I can be reached at all times on my mobile.
Please note, for future communications I will be using my maiden name, Bunce.
Yours sincerely,
Charlotte Mayfield née Bunce
Freya Burns-West
15 Canter Lane
Balham,
London SW12
2 May
Camden Market
Shop Letting Unit
Camden
London NW1
Dear Barry
I never thought this day would come! As per your instruction, please accept this letter as three months’ notice on my shop, Tee-Boned (why did I ever think that was a good idea?).
If there is any way the committee could allow me a bit of leeway and ‘forgive’ the balance on the final month’s rent (July), I’d be eternally grateful. (Still waiting to make my millions! Ha ha.)
As it is prime market space, perhaps some pop-ups could fill the void if you don’t find a permanent vendor? I hear the hubcap chap is branching out into lightbulb art?!?!
As you know, Monty has taken up his brother’s offer to work full time. As such, the children and I will be moving to Bristol when this school term finishes (end of June, the cheeky blighters!), so if any post could please be forwarded to the address below, I would be grateful.
Thank you for many years of happiness at Camden Markets. It is an extraordinary venue. Perhaps I’ll be applying for a pop-up over the Christmas hols with my new venture: Animal Accents (name still a work in progress! LOL).
Oh! And many thanks for the pistachio/jagger/ayurvedic fudge. Who knew I could feel so Zen after a palm sugar rush?
All the best, yours sincerely, big hugs etc., etc.,
Freya
EMILY: Thanks for coming up to the Dragon Boat thing with me and my parents, Izz. You showed real chutzpah as the Senior Sultan Osteopath would say. My parents were impressed with how well Luna uses chopsticks. GO TO THE EFFING DOCTOR IF YOUR RASH PERSISTS. NOT NORMAL.
IZZY: Have lotion. Will apply.
EMILY: Hey ladies – any chance you could nag Izzy about going to the doctor? Maybe Lady V could bully her into it next time Luna and Bonzer go for Sittingstone playdate? Charlotte: How did interview go? Everyone: LMIRL before Freya heads to Bristol.
IZZY: Why are you convinced I can’t see the messages you send about me? You’re not typing them in invisible ink, doofus.
EMILY: You’re a doofus.
FREYA: You both are. Izzy – go to the doctor. Charlotte, the Surrey farm-shop launch you oversaw sounded epic. Soz couldn’t make it. Packing up fifteen years’ worth of things that spark joy is a bitch!
TO: Oliver Mayfield
FROM: Charlotte Bunce
CC: Hazel Pryce
RE: Lunch at Four Feathers
Dear Oliver,
After discussion with my lawyer, Hazel Pryce, I will meet for lunch on one condition: No talk of the house.
Sincerely,
Charlotte Bunce
17 June
TO: Devon Surf Co
FROM: Isabella Yeats
Aloha Kai!
Thanks so much for talking admin into delaying my start date. I appreciate you can’t offer the same instructor’s fee as before seeing as I’ll be on shore duty, but staying in the geodome will more than make up for it. Result, my friend. MAHOLO TO THE HIGHEST!!! Thanks for pulling strings. I promise to give your clients their money’s worth. Can’t believe I haven’t seen you since that last blow-out on Maui. What was it … seven years ago? Eight? Sounds as though returning to the UK with your woman was a good call. Your set-up looks pukka.
Right. Gotta go see Looney in a school play. They’re doing Fiddler on the Roof and Looney’s playing Tevye!!!
Might need to beg for some work in the autumn as things gone a bit woo-woo at this end.
Aloha, my friend x (you remember it means hello and goodbye, right? Or is that wo-mansplaining?) ;-)
PS – You wouldn’t happen to know if there’s a medical clinic or anything nearby. A hospital? Asking for a friend. LOL
TO: Monty
FROM: Wifey
MONTS! WE DID IT!! WE HAVE A BUYER FOR THE HOUSE!!!! BRING ON BRISTOL LIFE!!! Xoxoxooxxooxoxox
Dear Headmaster Lindley,
Please accept my heartfelt