Sinner. Jacqui Rose

‘This is silly – just tell me.’

      ‘You’ve been out, haven’t you?’

      Feigning shock, Bree shook her head furiously. ‘Of course not! No way! That’s absurd. It’s crazy, I don’t know where you got that idea from.’

      ‘You dropped the receipt, Bree. You should’ve been more careful if you wanted to fool me.’ From behind her back, Franny produced the McDonald’s receipt and waved it in the air. ‘I told you not to go out, didn’t I?’

      ‘That’s not mine, it’s …’

      Franny shouted, giving Mia a start, causing her to begin to scream again. ‘Enough, Bree! I’m not stupid! That’s why you looked so flustered, isn’t it? That’s why you looked so guilty when I came in.’

      Bree pushed Franny out of the way, stepping around her. ‘Yes, yes, it is, and I shouldn’t have to feel guilty.’

      Franny’s face flushed red. ‘That’s right, you shouldn’t, and if this was a normal situation you wouldn’t, but it ain’t normal. I have put my life on the line for you. You hear that? My life. And all you’ve done is gone out and risk it. It’s a joke – you talk about not having to feel guilty, well that’s exactly what I do. I feel guilty. You try lying to Alfie and then have to see him every day. Even keeping you here, well the truth is, I felt bad. I knew it was for the best, but you know something, Bree, I ain’t going to feel bad anymore. Why should I? Especially if you don’t care, and let’s face it, I shouldn’t even be helping you because when it boils down to it, all you are is some woman who fucked my man.’

      Bree looked hurt. ‘Franny, please, you know that’s not how it went. I didn’t know about you, and I’ll always be sorry, but I thought we got through that.’

      Franny’s face screwed up. ‘You got through it, I just have to learn to live with the hurt.’

      ‘But …’

      ‘I don’t want to talk about it anymore, you hear me? The only thing that I want to talk about is you becoming a liability to me.’

      ‘But …’

      Hating the fact she’d shown her emotions by opening up about Alfie, something she’d been taught by her father never to do, Franny cut Bree off in anger. ‘What did I say? No fucking buts, Bree! If someone sees you, I’m at risk. Me. Not you. Me. I’m the one who’ll have a bullet in their head. You obviously don’t care what happens to me.’

      ‘I do, of course I do.’

      ‘Well let me tell you, you have a funny way of showing it. And what about Mia? What would happen to Mia if I was dead?’

      Bree looked shocked. ‘I … I …’

      Pacing around the room, Franny’s eyes narrowed. ‘You haven’t thought of that, have you? Mia needs me, Bree. You’re fine as someone to change her and hold her but what real use are you to her?’

      ‘What are you talking about, Franny? I’m her mum.’

      Another flash of anger crossed Franny’s face. ‘That’s just a title, Bree. I’ve seen the way you’ve been these past few months. Weak. Needy. Mia doesn’t need someone like that around her.’

      ‘Franny, this is crazy, she needs me.’

      ‘Keep on telling yourself that, Bree, if it makes you feel better. But I don’t think she’d appreciate you risking everything so you could have a fucking Big Mac.’

      ‘That’s not why I took her out.’

      ‘You’re a selfish bitch. You keep forgetting that you agreed to this. I didn’t force you.’

      Trying her best not to cry, Bree chewed on her lip. ‘I didn’t know it was going to be this long. You’ve got to see it from my point of view, Franny. Think how you’d feel.’

      ‘I know I’d do whatever it was that was needed, no matter how long that took.’

      ‘Well Mia needed some fresh air.’

      Hollering at Bree, Franny’s eyes blazed with fury. ‘Then open the fucking window because what Mia needs above everything else is to be safe, and by you taking her out, you have risked everything you wanted for her. How can I protect her if I’m dead, Bree? Because if Alfie finds out that’s what will happen, and then you won’t have a chance, sweetheart, because you’re no match for Alfie. You can’t stand up to him. You’re not me, and not only that, Alfie will hate you. He’ll take his daughter and it’ll be him who’s calling the shots. It’ll be him who decides on Mia’s life. You’ll just be some pretty thing in the corner watching your daughter become something you don’t want her to be, and there’ll be nothing that you can do to stop it. Do you want Mia to end up like me?’

      Bree sounded puzzled. ‘What do you mean?’

      It was Franny’s turn to fight back the tears. ‘Look at me, Bree … Look at me! What do you see, hey? You see someone who’s strong, right? Who’s tough. Who’s hard. Who’s cold. Yeah, you do, but that’s all you see because that’s all there is to me. There’s so much missing because I don’t feel, not the way most people feel, and I don’t love, not like you. I don’t have that thing inside me to know what it is to be a woman. And you know why? You know why I don’t? Because I was brought up by someone like Alfie, in the kind of life that Alfie leads, with the kind of people that Alfie has around him. And I don’t want that for Mia, and if you had any sense neither would you. You wouldn’t risk going out. You’d wait, however hard it is, you’d wait. Because if I’m not here, if I’m not around anymore, believe me that little girl will be fed to the lions … And maybe this is the reason.’