“Boy, it’s getting hard to remember Curtis ever being this small.”
Katie smiled. “I thought you said Curtis was never that small.”
“True.” Peggy refolded the outfit. “That boy arrived at almost eleven pounds and went straight into the three-to-six-month size. He’s been a handful ever since.”
“And you love it.”
“I do. Even if it meant us sharing a nasty flu bug for the last couple of weeks. Thank goodness that’s over. This is the first time either of us has been out of the house since Halloween.”
“I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
“Me, too. I appreciate the Crock-Pot meals you left for us on the front porch.” Peggy moved closer. “We haven’t had the chance to chat lately, and this isn’t the time or place for any girl talk, but are you okay?”
Katie tightened her grip on the fluffy teddy bears she’d saved from toppling to the floor. “I’m fine.” She returned the animals to the table. “Why do you ask?”
“You seem a bit—”
“Frazzled? Well, work’s been crazy, despite the upcoming holidays.” She hoped her smile didn’t appear forced. “Poor Elise, breaking her arm. I was glad to step in and help pull today together for the...for everyone.”
“I know they appreciate your efforts. Fay gushed about you when she stopped in the flower shop last week to go over some business stuff.” Peggy laid a hand on her arm. “No, what I was going to say is you seem a bit sad.”
“Sad?” Katie kept her gaze lowered. “Really?”
“You said all the right things at the Halloween party about starting over, finding someone new.”
“But?” Katie heard the question in her friend’s voice.
“You’ve been through a lot in the last couple of months.” Her friend gave a quick squeeze and let go. “Maybe you’re not as done with Jake as you think.”
Oh, she was done. Over and out with an ease that didn’t surprise her.
No, it was another man who was haunting her every waking hour now.
Keeping her feelings for Nolan under control used to be easy. Dating often and a variety of men helped. When things got serious with Jake, she’d believed her infatuation with a certain Murphy brother was in the past.
Then...yeah, and then.
This time around, it was going to take her a bit longer to bury her desire for someone she could never have, but she would do it.
She had to.
Goodness knows she had enough practice at it.
She needed to think about the future. Her future. It was time to look ahead, not behind.
“I’m okay.” Her smile relaxed now. “Better than okay when it comes to the past.”
“What do you mean?”
Katie shook her head, not sure how to answer her friend. Or where the soft warm glow now blooming deep inside her came from. “I don’t know, exactly, but it’s time.”
“Time for what? You’re talking in riddles.”
Glad when Peggy got asked to help with something in the kitchen, Katie stayed behind, arranging more gifts.
Precious booties that fit in the palm of her hand. Practical burp cloths. Beautiful handmade quilts and blankets. Onesies in all colors and styles, bottles, baby bath gear.
Everything a new life needed.
Not to mention the unconditional love between a parent and a child.
Fay, already a wonderful mother to A.J., was so excited about having another baby. And Laurie had had tears in her eyes while struggling to find the words to describe the first time she felt the baby inside her move.
Neither woman had met their child yet, but they were forever connected with another human being. Someone to love, cherish and protect with every fiber of a mother’s soul.
Had her own mother ever felt that way about her?
It was a question Katie asked herself often over the years.
If she had, how could she have left a three-year-old in an empty church on a snowy winter day and walked away?
Something Katie would never have done.
She would have found a way to keep her child with her, to keep her family together. Beg, borrow or steal, but she would never separate herself from a life she created.
Being abandoned had created a void deep inside her that remained to this day.
It was time to change that.
Time to change everything.
Laying a hand over her belly, she tried to imagine what it would feel like to know a life was growing inside her. A life that would forever be connected with hers. A family of her own.
Right then and there, Katie made a decision.
She was going to get pregnant. She was going to have a baby.
Boy, when the dream of having a baby in an unconventional way collided with the medical requirements, it was a hard smack to the wallet—and the heart.
Katie sat at her desk, eating lunch while studying the website for a well-known fertility clinic in Denver.
She’d fantasized about what it would be like to be pregnant for a few days after the baby shower. When she caught herself coming up with names and picturing the second bedroom in her apartment as a nursery, she’d started her research.
Now she was sorting through the details of sperm donation, ovarian schedules, intrauterine insemination vs. in vitro fertilization, treatment costs and single mother support groups.
It was all so fascinating. And a bit scary. Scratch that. It was a whole lot of scary.
After she’d started reading, the times she’d had pregnancy scares in the past came to mind. Once in high school, again in college and after dating a seasonal cowboy from one of the local ranches a few years ago.
Was that a lot? She’d been dating since she was thirteen and had been reckless in her youth.
Each time her cycle had been late, pure panic set in. She hadn’t been ready for a baby. Emotionally, physically or financially.
That was then—this was now.
She was good. Fine. Better than fine.
Flipping through her calendar, she worked to create a history of her monthly cycles for the previous year. Boy, the crazy turns in her life over the last six months had thrown off her system. She’d never started on the same day twice.
Still, considering her need for chocolate and her less than pleasant mood, that day was fast approaching.
She clicked on the link to the sperm donor database, amazed at the details. Boxes to choose things like height, weight, hair, eye color and ethnicity didn’t surprise her. The ability to search for favorite music, hobbies, family traits, religion and even astrological sign did.
Goodness, she’d know more about the baby’s father than she did about herself.
So much of her own personal history was a blank page.
She had no idea what her life had been like before the age of three.
Her