While they waited in line he shot a text to Kaylee to check if she was in the clinic today and if she’d mind if Dallas hung out in the break room, in case he didn’t want to drive around with Bennett all day while he saw to his appointments.
She shot back an affirmative text. “Let’s sit for a minute,” Bennett said, gesturing to the tables. They took their breakfast over to a table by the wall. “I have a couple of scheduled appointments today. I have to go out to some of the ranches and vaccinate some baby animals. Horses, mostly. But if you want to you can hang out at the clinic.”
“What clinic?” Dallas asked around a mouthful of doughnut.
“Valley Veterinary. That’s the name of the practice I run with Kaylee, the woman you met last night.”
“Yeah, I remember the one other person besides you I was introduced to yesterday.”
Bennett pressed on as if Dallas hadn’t spoken. “I do a lot of work outside of town. My truck has all my equipment, so it’s easy to travel around. If you want the chance to see some of the area, we can do that. Otherwise, there’s a break room at the clinic. If you want to hang out there Kaylee will be around if you have an emergency.”
“An emergency? Like blood or fire?”
“Is that...a serious concern?”
Dallas shrugged, which was clearly a favored gesture of his. “Maybe. I’m a problem after all.”
“The kind that sets things on fire?” he asked. “No judgment, but I feel like I should know that.”
“I haven’t set anything on fire.”
“Okay. Good.”
“All right.”
“All right to which?” Bennett leaned back in his chair.
“I guess I’ll go sit in the break room. Not really interested in driving around. We just drove all the way here yesterday from Portland.”
“Right.” Bennett couldn’t decide if he was relieved or disappointed that his kid was opting to not spend the day with him. But they’d only been together for about a half hour this morning and Bennett already felt...taxed. Full of emotion he didn’t know how to sort through and weighted down by the idea he had to be something he didn’t know how to be for this kid. “Okay. And then after that we’re going to go over to my brother’s place. Well, it’s actually my brother’s and my other brother’s and my sister’s place.”
Dallas looked stunned by that. “You have all that family?”
“Yeah,” Bennett said. “And they don’t know about you either. Since I didn’t know about you. But they’re your uncles. And your aunt. I’m going to have to call your grandfather.”
His dad was going to have something to say about being a grandfather.
“I have...a grandfather?”
“Yeah, and he’s married. Not to my mom. My mom is dead. But he remarried a great lady a couple of years ago. They’re down in New Mexico with her family right now. But you’ll meet her. Then, for holidays and things like that. He’ll probably want to make a trip up to meet you.”
Dallas looked surprised by that. “They would?”
“Of course. You’re family.”
“That’s never mattered before. My mom never talked to her family. I don’t even know where they are. I just know they aren’t here anymore. She told me that much.”
“That’s true. Her parents moved away after she left. She left home when she was sixteen.”
Dallas nodded. “I know that much. She didn’t want to be trapped in a small town anymore. She said she hated it here.” He took another bite of doughnut. “She wanted to go somewhere more exciting.”
“I didn’t know she hated it here,” Bennett said.
“That’s what she told me. But I don’t know how much of anything she said is true. And it’s not because I trust you,” he clarified quickly. “It’s just because she’s a liar. She always has been. At least, as far back as I can remember. Because that’s how addicts are. She’s not the only addict I know. Every guy she ever dated was one. They’re all liars.”
A sobering thought occurred to him then. “Are you... Do you have any problems with that? I mean, addiction stuff.”
“Hell, no,” Dallas said, taking another bite of doughnut. “I mean, I drink. Not all the time. But I have. I’ve had some weed. But I’m not messing with meth and shit. I get why it’s tempting. Because it makes you forget. But then you forget everything. Including where the hell you left your kid. I just don’t want that. I don’t want to forget who I am. I mean, who I am isn’t anything all that impressive. And it’s not like I have much of anything. But I’m not going to be a meth zombie.”
Bennett swallowed hard. “She wasn’t always like that.”
“Yeah. She wasn’t like that until me, I guess.”
“I don’t know,” Bennett said. “I figured that I screwed up her life.”
“Yeah, she thought you did too. I mean, you definitely got your share of the blame. But I was part of it. When she would get mad and scream and stuff, she blamed both of us.”
“I’m sorry,” Bennett said. “I’m sorry she treated you like that. And I have to believe that in the beginning that isn’t what she wanted. For some reason, she didn’t want to be here with me. Probably because I wanted to marry her. And if she really did hate it here, if she really did want to get out, she probably figured she was going to have to do it without me. She probably thought that her only hope of escaping this life, and being a rancher’s wife, or at least having to share custody with me, was to leave without telling me. Making me think that she lost the baby. I have to believe that she did it for what she thought was a better life. It’s just that she probably got into the other things that come with finding freedom. And she was too young to have that kind of responsibility.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Dallas shifted in his seat, looking a little uncomfortable. “Either way, I’ve seen too much of it to want it,” Dallas said. “There’s not much mystery in drug use. She would have given it to me if I wanted it. I didn’t want to let her poison me. Didn’t want to let her make me as bad she was.”
Those words burned. They hurt, all the way down. The stuff that kid had been through wasn’t fair. It was all new to Bennett, and he was having trouble processing it. But it was Dallas’s life. And he spoke about it in a matter-of-fact way. Way too matter-of-fact for someone his age. The effects of meth shouldn’t be something a fifteen-year-old was so familiar with.
“I’m glad I don’t have to worry about you and drugs anyway,” Bennett said, his voice sounding like gravel.
“Would you really worry?”
The question was presented as something of a challenge.
“Yes,” Bennett said. “I’m not taking responsibility for you because I don’t care. I do care. If I didn’t, why the hell would it matter to me where you were?”
“I can’t answer that question. I don’t know what it’s like to have a parent care what I do.”
“You will,” Bennett said, the words a promise that came from deep inside of him. He wouldn’t be perfect. He was going to make so many mistakes he felt stupid in advance. But he could be there. “You will.”
* * *
WHEN BENNETT SHOWED up with Dallas in tow, the kid went straight into the break room and shut the door.
“Thank you,”