‘No, I’m fine. I’d be intruding. I’ll go and take a shower or something.’
‘I insist,’ I say.
‘Yes, come on, Nic,’ says Adam, looking at her. ‘I want to mark the past, but I can still celebrate our future, hey?’
You can see why Nicole thinks Adam loves her. When the sapphire of his eyes is directed on you, the world sparkles. Plus, Nicole apparently enjoys the idea of being celebrated. She moves to join us on the sofa, and stands between me and Adam, waiting, apparently expecting me to shift over so that she can sit next to Adam. I do shift, but closer to Adam, leaving her with the bit of sofa on my other side. Rolling her eyes, she sits down next to me. Even a banker’s sofa is not big enough for three adults to sit next to each other without touching. On the one side, is Nicole’s leg, pressing into mine. On the other, is Adam’s, resting comfortably against me. I know which one I would like to touch. But that is forbidden to me. Adam made that clear, after book two, by not responding, when he’d read it.
Nicole’s dressing gown has come slightly loose, revealing pale inner thigh on both her legs. I lean over her, and gently pull the dressing gown over thighs, tightening the sash. She gasps and pushes me away, standing up.
‘Don’t!’ she says.
Even Adam has to look up at this.
‘What?’ he asks.
‘Dan touched me!’ Nicole exclaims.
‘I was trying to protect her modesty,’ I say. ‘The belt had come undone.’
‘He touched me!’ Nicole says again.
Adam leans over me to pat Nicole’s leg.
‘I don’t think Dan’s interested in that kind of thing, honey,’ he says, reassuring her. Then he takes a sip of champagne and turns back to the screen.
He knows, you see, that I only love him. He will have read that, when he read book two. We’ve never discussed it, but he must have read it. By now. What he doesn’t know is the full extent of how the method will manifest itself, with Nicole.
Nicole shoots a glance at me, pulling the dressing gown tight around herself. This will make things a bit more difficult for Luke. But there are ways round resistance.
Nicole stands abruptly. ‘I’m going to have that shower.’ and she leaves us to it.
Once she’s gone, Adam turns to me. ‘Is this going to be an issue?’ he asks. ‘Because I need you to get on with Nic. Like you got on with Helen.’
I resist the urge to snort. Helen hated me. Plus, I never got invited over as much when she was alive. Even when I dropped by, they wouldn’t open up. Adam’s got better about that, since she died.
‘I never said how grateful I was for your support,’ Adam says earnestly, ‘after the accident, and the, you know …’
‘The break-in.’
‘Right. The “break-in”.’
We stare at the wedding video. ‘I do,’ says screen Adam. I remember sitting in the congregation, wishing I’d given him book two sooner. I gave it to him after the rehearsal, the night before, asking him to read it before the big day. He laughed and said he needed to sleep, to keep his stamina for the big day. I suggested he read it on honeymoon. He laughed again, clapped me on the arm. ‘Mate, you crack me up!’ he’d said.
‘She died doing what she loved, you know,’ I say, in case it will make him happy. I don’t think the idea of Adam dying doing what he loved would make me happy. Particularly if it was Nicole.
‘Right,’ he says. ‘She just loved cycling along cold dark lanes.’
‘While you were out partying,’ I half-joke. She just loved that, too – nagged him about it. If she’d lived, she would have guilt-tripped him for not collecting her.
‘It was a work thing. You saw that, on Facebook – I had to go out with the guys. But listen, Dan mate, it’s so important we all get on: you, me and Nic.’ He looks at me, his cheeks flushed. I know it’s the champagne, but I wish it wasn’t.
‘I know what,’ he says, reaching into his pocket. He pulls out a wad of cash. ‘Here. Take her out.’
‘What?’
‘Take Nic out for the day. The park or the zoo and lunch, or something. I need to be alone, with the video, today, do my grieving – you know that.’
I nod, and accept the money. I will take Nicole out.
But first, that shower.
Luke stands at the door of the wet-room, watching his lover wash herself clean of him. She is oblivious to him. She is washing all the most intimate parts of herself, her back to him, her wet hair slicked down her back. The shower must be hot, he thinks – her usually pale skin is turning red. He moves closer towards the crack in the door. He can almost see the beads of moisture on her glistening back. She starts to turn to face him. If he stepped forward one more step, pushed the door open further, stepped through, he could—
Nicole screams, backing away from me in the shower area. I back away too, back across the threshold, but that doesn’t stop her screaming, so I move forwards, into the wet-room, holding up my hands flat, showing I mean no harm. She continues to scream.
‘Shh!’ I say, my finger to my lips.
‘Adam!’ she yells. ‘ADAM!’
She is covering herself for modesty. I don’t care about that. I’d hand her a towel, but I see her neck is still soapy. She could do with a hand wiping it off. I advance forward to help. Nicole backs into the corner of the shower area, pressing herself against the terracotta tiles.
‘Adam!’ she shouts again.
‘I’m sorry, I was just waiting for my turn. I didn’t mean to frighten you,’ I say.
‘What’s going on?’
I hear Adam’s voice over the water.
‘Adam!’ Nicole runs to him. Seeing as she doesn’t seem to mind about the soap, I turn off the shower and try to pass her a towel. Adam takes it, and wraps it round her.
‘What the hell are you doing, Dan?’ he demands. The usual jocular tone is gone. This is fierce Adam. I can see his point. I am in a shower room with his naked wife. At least I have my clothes on. I would like to tell him it is for the sake of art, but he might not believe me. Some things even book two doesn’t excuse.
‘He was watching me! He was standing there, watching me!’ shouts Nicole.
‘I wasn’t watching, Adam. The door was open, I was waiting for my turn. The hot water’s broken at mine.’
‘He came in!’
‘Because you started screaming. I wanted to calm you down. I’m sorry. I see now I ought to have shut the door.’
Adam sighs deeply. When he speaks again, his voice has less edge. ‘Nicole, go into the bedroom. I’ll come through in a minute.’
She disappears, leaving me with Adam.
‘I’m sorry, Adam,’ I say. ‘It was a misunderstanding.’
‘A misunderstanding?’ Adam looks me in the eyes, questioning me. I stare back into them. Surely I don’t need to speak to answer? Surely we can communicate without words, by now?
But he seems to be waiting for me to verbalise.
‘A misunderstanding,’ I say.
He looks at me for a moment longer, then takes a deep breath. His shoulders rise and fall.
‘Ok,