“Whatever’s easiest.”
When they got to the house, he unlocked the door, waiting as she preceded him inside. It could have been any one of a hundred times—them coming back from Sunday lunch at his parents’, returning from a soccer game he’d coached, getting home after a town meeting. Don’t forget doctor visits. They’d come home from lots of different doctors’ visits in varying moods—optimistic that they might finally get their baby, frustrated that, after long months, nothing had changed, devastated that the pregnancy had terminated.
“Wow.” He looked past her at the coffee table in the living room. Photos, stickers, scissors and construction paper all lay in assorted piles. “Someone’s been busy.”
“The scrapbook,” she reminded him. “You think they know?”
David shrugged. “Nobody’s mentioned it to me, but what are the chances? It’s impossible to keep a secret here.”
“Not impossible,” she murmured. She didn’t think anyone knew about their separation. Anyone who’d seen the way he cradled her and carried her to the car today probably wouldn’t believe her even if she told them.
He swung his gaze from the scrapbooking supplies back to her. “We should get you to bed.”
“Typical guy,” she teased, wanting to keep his earlier worry at bay. “Only one thing on his mind.”
He didn’t smile, though. “If I thought there was even the slightest chance you’d let me join you …”
His words skittered along her nerve endings, and she experienced a Technicolor flashback to her dreams of the night before. Thankfully, he was too concerned about her to attempt a seduction, because she seriously doubted she could resist right now.
“Tell you what,” he suggested, “why don’t you go to the bedroom and change into something comfy? I’ll go pour you a drink. What do you feel like? Maybe I can bring you a snack, too.”
Rachel thought about it for a minute. “Apples—”
“—and peanut butter, with a glass of milk?” David grinned at her. “Coming right up.”
He knew her well, she thought as she changed into pajama bottoms and a faded Henley shirt. And he took good care of her, especially in situations like today’s.
Was she an idiot ever to have resented that? So she had a husband who couldn’t grasp that there were times she didn’t want him to ride to her rescue, striding in like some mythological hero with answers on how to solve all her problems—big deal. At least he tried; at least he cared. Even though the crisis today had been brief, during those terrifying moments when she’d worried something might have happened to the baby, she’d thanked God she didn’t have to go through it alone.
Pasting pictures of Lilah and Tanner into the album, she’d thought over and over about what that couple had been through. Tanner had panicked once and left; it had been a huge leap of faith for Lilah to take him back, trusting that he wouldn’t hurt her again. Now they looked at each other as if they were the only two people in the world, radiating so much happiness that seeing them was like staring directly into the sun. It would have been understandable if Lilah had refused to give him another chance, but then, think about how much she would have been missing now.
Think about what you’re missing. Rachel climbed beneath the sheets, her hand smoothing over the side where David had always slept.
He appeared in the doorway of their room carrying a wooden tray. A tart green apple was sliced and slathered with crunchy peanut butter, just the way she liked. A glass of skim milk sat next to the plate.
Her stomach rumbled in anticipation. What with being so busy fainting and causing panic, she’d missed lunch. “Thank you.”
He put the tray across her lap, then sat gingerly on the side of the bed. When was the last time they’d been here together? A wry smile touched the corner of her lips as she recalled the sonogram picture. About ten weeks ago.
“Anything else you need?” he asked her.
It was such a loaded question that she merely shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. She took a bite of apple just for the extra security.
“All right. I’m going to run to Winnie’s for a little while. The cordless phone is right there on the nightstand, and I’ll have my cell with me at all times. If you need anything …”
“I know.” She licked a spot of peanut butter off her finger. “And I appreciate it.”
He watched her eat, so intent that she held a slice toward him.
“Want one?” she asked.
He huffed out an amused sound that was more than a sigh but not fully a laugh. “You and your peanut-butter apples. Sure, why not?” He leaned forward to take the end with his teeth while his hand came up to hold the other half. His breath was warm against her skin.
Rachel shivered.
He straightened immediately, swallowing a bite of apple. “You cold? I can turn up the heat. Or get another blanket out of the closet.”
“No, I’m not cold at all. It was just … one of those involuntary muscle things.” She washed down the lie with some milk, struggling with the question she wanted to ask. “David? There is one thing.”
“Absolutely.” He got to his feet, looking relieved to have a task. “You name it.”
“Before you go …” She worried at her bottom lip with her teeth, feeling weak for what she was about to ask and hoping it didn’t qualify as a selfish mixed signal, but she was still so shaken from earlier. “Before you go, could you maybe just hold me for a minute?”
His expression was comically dumbfounded. Whatever he’d been expecting, that hadn’t been it. “All right,” he said slowly. “I can do that.”
Sitting against the headboard, he scooted over until he was almost behind her. She moved the tray onto the nightstand and leaned back, reclining against his chest. Breathing in the scent of him, she let her eyes close, sighing when his arms went around her.
She shifted suddenly, realizing how still and quiet he was behind her. “David?”
“Yeah?”
“Just checking.”
He smoothed a hand over her head, trailing it to the end of her dark hair. “I’m here, babe. For as long as you need me to be.”
Tears pricked her eyes at the sweet poignancy of the moment. This was exactly what she’d needed, although it might have been unfair to ask him for it.
Within minutes, she was unsuccessfully stifling yawns. “You should go,” she mumbled. “Once I fall asleep, I’ll be a dead weight on top of you.”
“There are worse things that could happen.” But when she propped herself on her elbows, he obligingly slid free. “I’ll lock the door behind me. You just nap. Sweet dreams, Rach.”
Her eyes flew open, and she gave a startled laugh.
“Did I say something funny?”
“No. No, it’s just that …” She didn’t want to explain that, here in their marriage bed, she was haunted by hot dreams of him. Closing her eyes again, she turned onto her side. “When I left for Winnie’s, was it hard for you to be here? In our house?”
He stood, not answering for a long moment. “It’s hard to be without you no matter where I am.”
Chapter Twelve