‘You remember what I was wearing?’
‘And suddenly telling myself that you were a kid didn’t seem to be working.’ His eyes were very dark. ‘It didn’t help that you were so wildly determined to lose your virginity that night. To me.’
Mortified at the memory of how brazen she’d been, Tasha covered her face with her hands. ‘Do we have to talk about this? Isn’t there just a nice deep hole I can jump into?’
‘I wanted you, too.’
‘Oh, sure.’ Still cringing, she shook her head. ‘Which is why you kissed me senseless and...’ He’d touched her, she remembered. Everywhere. The memory sent fiery heat streaking through her. ‘And then you walked away.’
‘And why do you think I walked away, Tash?’
His intimate use of her name made her heart thud. ‘Because you discovered I was flat-chested? Because I had no idea what I was doing?’ His skill had left her trembling and boneless whereas she’d fumbled awkwardly, unsure of herself and of him.
‘I stopped because it was the right thing to do, and that is probably the only time in my life I’ve done the right thing, so you should be grateful, not angry,’ he confessed in a raw tone. ‘I didn’t know if you were a child or a woman. Damn it, I went into your bedroom to give you a message one day and your bed was covered in stuffed toys! One minute you were doing your homework, the next you were wearing a tight red dress designed to drive a man out of his mind. I wanted—well, never mind what I wanted. But I knew I had to do something drastic. That night of the ball I’d promised myself I was going to behave like a real prince. I was going to dance with you and not do anything else. But then we went out to the garden to get some fresh air and the next minute—’
‘You don’t need to spell it out.’
‘Believe me, walking away without looking back was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I hurt you, but at the time I couldn’t see any other way. I wanted you to hate me.’
‘You could have just told me you weren’t interested.’
‘I was interested. There was a chemistry between us I’d never experienced before. It was crazy, and—’ He broke off. ‘You were seventeen. Apart from anything else, it was barely legal.’
A warm glow burned low in her stomach. He’d wanted her, too. Tasha wrapped her arms around herself. ‘Plenty of people have sex at seventeen.’
‘You had your head in the clouds and your eyes on the stars. You were still more of a child than a woman and I had no idea how to handle someone like you. The women I mixed with were usually my age or older—heiresses, society princesses who’d been fed cynicism and experience with baby milk. You were different.’
‘And it didn’t occur to you to have that conversation with me?’ Tasha swung her legs off the bed and stalked over to him, her eyes boring into his. ‘I had a brain, Sandro. And a mind of my own.’
‘I did the decent thing.’
‘Decent? You broke my heart, Sandro. You...’ She spread her hands, appalled. ‘What the hell is decent about making a girl feel totally rubbish about herself? Please tell me that.’
‘I didn’t make you feel rubbish. I saved you from making a big mistake.’
‘Saved me? Do you think you could have “saved” me before you ripped off my red dress?’ Her face was scarlet at the memory. The humiliation. ‘Then when I was totally vulnerable and ready to trust you with anything and everything, you suddenly backed away and told me to come back when I’d grown a chest. But that wasn’t the worst of it. The worst of it wasn’t struggling to get my ballgown back on so that a bunch of strangers didn’t see me naked—and you broke the zip, by the way, so I never actually managed to get it back on—the worst was when you walked away from me straight into the arms of a tall, skinny blonde. When you kissed her I thought I was going to die.’ It was good to remind herself what had happened, she thought grimly. Good to remind herself why she wasn’t going to be seduced by the chemistry again.
‘Tasha—’
‘You knew I was watching, didn’t you? At the time I assumed you didn’t know I was still there, but now I see you did it for my benefit. You wanted me to see you kiss her.’
There was a stillness about him. A hardness about his eyes that she hadn’t seen before. ‘I’ve told you—I wanted you to hate me and forget about me. You were a kid.’
‘Did I feel like a kid when you stripped me naked?’
‘What do you think would have happened if I’d taken you that night?’ His tone savage, he took her chin in his fingers and lifted her face to his. ‘Think.’
‘We would have made love,’ she whispered. ‘You would have been the first.’
His fingers tightened on her face. For a moment they stared at each other, sharing the memories through that single look. ‘I would have broken your heart.’
The air dragged through her lungs and each beat of her heart felt painful. ‘You did that anyway. But I should be grateful. Because of you I buried myself in my books. I gave up on men.’
‘That’s not what I heard.’ His eyes were fixed on hers, his breathing heavy. ‘Josh told me you were engaged once—’
Great. More humiliation. ‘That didn’t work out.’ Trying not to think about the fact he’d obviously discussed her with Josh, Tasha pulled away from him. ‘I’m not great with relationships. I’m the first to admit it.’
‘That makes two of us.’
‘You have endless relationships. I read about them all the time in the paper.’
‘Those aren’t relationships.’
‘Right.’
‘For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I hurt you, Tash. I should have handled it a different way.’ He adjusted his balance. ‘Forgive me?’
‘No! I don’t forgive you.’
He was standing close to her. ’There’s always been something between us and it hasn’t gone away.’
‘I’m older and wiser now.’
‘You’re still the same Tasha,’ he breathed. ‘Feisty, emotional, warm, giving—’
‘Be quiet. I don’t trust you when you’re nice.’
‘I’m always nice, tesoro.’ His soft, velvety voice wrapped itself around her senses and she felt her willpower crumble.
‘I’m still really angry with you,’ she choked. ‘I’m always going to be angry with you.’
‘Even if I say sorry? Mi dispiace.’
She felt the warmth of his hand against her head and the heat of his body close to hers. He was a breath away from kissing her again and her eyes closed.
‘No, Alessandro—please don’t...’ There was a tense silence and all she could hear was the sound of her own breathing. ‘I mean it—I don’t want you to touch me.’
For a moment she thought he was going to ignore her and then she felt his hand drop and he moved away. ‘All right.’ His voice was hoarse. ‘I won’t touch you until you ask me to.’
Disappointment mingled with relief, and the confusion of it infuriated her.
It wasn’t logical to be disappointed when she was the one who’d asked him to move away.
‘That