‘You wanted to gain entry to Ravenshold.’
‘My lord, I am not nobly born. I am not powerful.’ She stared at his belt buckle. ‘I was desperate, my lord.’ She lifted her eyes and hoped that he could see that she was telling the truth. ‘What I am trying to say is that I didn’t come to Troyes with the intention of deceiving you.’
His mouth was wry. ‘You had no plans for seducing one of Count Lucien’s household knights?’
‘The thought never entered my head.’
‘But that is in fact what happened.’
‘Not by design, my lord.’ She found herself staring at his belt buckle again. ‘I...I don’t know how that happened exactly.’
He stepped closer. Dark eyes held her immobile. ‘Allow me to remind you. The evening after the tournament, I heard crying in the palace chapel.’
A warm hand reached out and gently, as gently as it had done then on All Hallows Eve, touched her arm. ‘Geoffrey’s death upset you.’
She nodded. ‘There was so much blood, so much. And the suddenness of it—the injustice. One moment Sir Geoffrey had been vital, alive. He’d been looking forward to taking part in the tourney. And the next...’ Her voice cracked. ‘He was so young, just a boy really.’
Gawain’s chest heaved. ‘Geoffrey’s death pointed out the futility of it all. The pointlessness of life.’
She frowned, wondering if that was what he really thought. ‘That is very cynical.’
‘That is life. We have to make of it what we can.’ He brought his head closer. ‘Geoffrey’s death touched you because of your sister. Her death too was untimely and unjust.’
Elise went still as his deep voice washed over her, confirming that he was not entirely a stranger. Last winter she had seen his compassionate side. She was seeing it again today. This man was more than a warrior. His sensitivity had reached her after the All Hallows Tourney, and it reached her now.
She pressed her lips to Pearl’s forehead. Your father is a good man.
‘My lord, what happened between us—well, I cannot deny that I was sorry to mislead you. I hadn’t known the countess for long and she could have dismissed me at any moment. As one of Count Lucien’s household knights you were ideally placed to help me find my way into Ravenshold.’ Her cheeks scorched. ‘The attraction between us was strong. I...I didn’t mislead you about that, my lord. I could not have become your lover without it. I was strongly drawn to you.’ Elise bit her lip before she confessed that she still was drawn to him—witness that kiss in the town. It was probably just as well Gawain was betrothed to Lady Rowena, because even without his betrothal there could be nothing lasting between them. Elise loved her life as a singer. She would never marry.
He cleared his throat and she saw him glance briefly at her mouth. ‘As I was to you.’
She eased back, and her heart missed a beat—the way he was looking at her mouth! Saints, this was the most awkward conversation of her life. ‘My lord, however it came about, we became lovers. We were intimate with each other several times.’
The fair head dipped, his mouth quirked up at the edges. ‘I have a memory, Elise.’
She felt herself flush and looked away. ‘Gawain, I truly thought I would not conceive. The apothecary swore the herbs he gave me would prevent it. When I knew I was with child I was as surprised as you are.’
‘I very much doubt it.’
His dry tone had her gaze snapping back to meet his. ‘Gawain, you...you wouldn’t try to take her away?’
‘Peace, Elise. I have no intention of separating you from Pearl.’
‘You swear it?’
‘On my father’s soul, I swear it.’
* * *
Elise’s shoulders relaxed and she let out a shuddering sigh. Gawain grimaced. Had she really thought he would take Pearl from her? Every word she uttered condemned him. She didn’t trust him. Last year she hadn’t trusted him enough to bid him farewell, and if he hadn’t returned to Troyes to meet Lady Rowena he doubted she would ever have told him about Pearl.
‘Elise, I shan’t take Pearl from you. However, I would like to acknowledge her.’
Her dark eyes were puzzled. ‘Is that wise? Lady Rowena will surely take exception. And if the marriage has the blessing of the King—you can’t put that at risk.’
‘Lady Rowena must accept it. I will not shirk my responsibility to Pearl. Or to you for that matter.’ Gently, he touched her cheek.
Gawain felt as though he was being torn to shreds. He owed duty to Lady Rowena. He must honour the wishes of his late uncle, who with his aunt, Lady Una, had promoted the betrothal. The match was a good one. Lady Rowena was the King’s goddaughter.
However, that was not the reason why the match was important to Gawain. The match was important because he and his uncle had been estranged for years before his uncle’s death. It had happened during Gawain’s first, ill-fated betrothal to his cousin, Lunette. Tragically, Lunette had died. His uncle had blamed Gawain for Lunette’s death, and the ensuing estrangement had caused a rift in the family. It was a tragedy that had given Gawain many sleepless nights.
Which was why he had jumped at the chance to make amends—he could finally please his widowed aunt by marrying Lady Rowena. He owed it to the family.
And now he was a father, he had a duty to Pearl too. Never mind what he felt for Elise. He ran his fingertips gently over her cheek. So soft. So beguiling. Would she have married him if he were free?
‘Mon Dieu, I wish you had told me sooner. Where was she born? Here in the tent?’
Elise took a step back. ‘That is none of your business, my lord.’
‘Is it not?’ Hurt stabbed like a knife in his guts. She didn’t trust him and he had to admit that was largely his fault. Their loving had been so sweet and tender—it had meant much to him, but he’d been taken aback by the speed at which she’d had him enthralled. He’d mistrusted his own feelings. He hadn’t understood them at the time, save to acknowledge that he couldn’t get enough of her.
He should have told Elise how much he valued her. It had been his fault. Ever since Lunette’s death—he and Lunette had been inseparable as children—Gawain had kept his feelings to himself and women at arm’s length. And sadly, thanks to his recent betrothal, he could say nothing of this today. He was no longer free. He could never tell Elise how important she was to him. Nor could he say that she had been so even before she became the mother of his child. His heart felt as though it had turned to lead.
His gaze fell to the sword on the bedroll and he straightened his shoulders. Torn he might be, but one duty was plain. ‘Elise, you have my word I shall not separate you from Pearl. Equally, I cannot ignore the finding of this sword. Sir Raphael must be told about it. In the meantime I want you and our daughter safely away from here. If you won’t think of yourself, think of Pearl. Is she safe here?’
‘Until now I’ve never had reason to believe otherwise,’ Elise said, frowning at the sword. ‘Gawain, I cannot believe Vivienne is guilty of wrongdoing.’
He leaned in and the scent of ambergris tugged at his senses. ‘Can you say the same of André?’ She hesitated and he made an impatient sound. ‘I thought not.’
‘Gawain, André is very young. There’s no malice in him and I find it hard to believe he’s broken the law, but—’
‘You could not swear to it.’
She remained silent, biting her lip.