Until You Loved Me. Brenda Novak

and here she was, paying the price for that encounter. A baby would change everything in her life.

      “It isn’t fair,” Amy agreed, pivoting at the other end of the living room. “But you have a good job with medical benefits. You’ll be able to afford a child. And...once it’s here, I’m sure you’ll love him or her. Of course, there’s all the misery you’ll have to endure before then—the weight gain, the swollen ankles, the possibility of gestational diabetes, stretch marks, backaches and the excruciating delivery. God, I can’t even imagine the delivery. You’ll never be the same. But—”

      She stopped, finally realizing that Ellie was glaring at her.

      “Okay. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

      “Thank you.”

      Amy rubbed her palms on her jeans as she continued to pace, but she didn’t hold her silence for very long. “I’m sorry, El,” she blurted. “This sucks. I usually have an answer for everything, but even I don’t know what to say to make this better.”

      Ellie closed her eyes. “You could say you’ll help...”

      “I will help. I may not want kids myself, but that doesn’t mean I won’t make a fabulous godmother and honorary aunt. I’d be perfect for the job, since I won’t be busy raising a family of my own.”

      “I guess.” Amy didn’t strike Ellie as the godmother type, but she’d been a true friend, so maybe that wasn’t a fair assessment.

      “You don’t sound totally convinced I’d be good with your kid,” she said, her voice filled with suspicion.

      Ellie would’ve laughed except she was too glum. She opened her eyes and stared down at her stomach. Although it was flat at the moment—her baby was only the size of a peanut, if that big—as the months passed she’d look like she’d swallowed a watermelon. That was coming. Too late to avoid it.

      “I have no idea how to tell my parents about this,” she said. “It’ll ruin their year in Europe. They’ll feel they need to come home to support me, even though they tried to complete their travel before I got married, let alone had children. I’ve totally screwed that up for them.” She sniffed, unable to suppress the tears that suddenly welled up. They’d almost come home when she told them about Don, so she knew how they’d react to this. “What am I going to do?” She knew she was in real trouble if she was appealing to Amy, but who else could she turn to?

      Amy came over, knelt by the couch and took her hand. “I’m guessing you won’t want to hear this, but there are...things you can do to...to take care of this if you really don’t want the baby. You don’t have to go through with it.”

      “You’re talking about an abortion.”

      “Yes. I’ll go to the doctor with you.”

      Ellie snatched her hand away. “That’s not for me. I spend my days trying to save lives. I could never... I mean, I don’t judge anyone for the choices they make, but... You’re right. I couldn’t end the pregnancy.”

      “What about adoption?”

      Ellie rubbed her forehead. “I can’t see myself going in that direction, either. Like you said, I’m almost thirty. And I do want children eventually. Maybe this is my chance. Maybe it’ll be my only chance. The timing isn’t ideal, and it’s been a shock, but...I’ll get used to the idea, won’t I?”

      Amy peered at her more closely. “Will you?”

      “Of course,” she responded, wiping her eyes. Perhaps she wouldn’t have any help caring for the baby, and no support from a financial perspective, but she also wouldn’t have to send her son or daughter off to spend weekends with someone else. She wouldn’t have to cope with the various romantic interests passing in and out of Don’s or Hudson’s lives, either, wouldn’t have to argue with anyone about how she wanted to raise the child. Her parents were busy people, still active, but they’d be supportive. It wasn’t as though she’d be entirely alone—once they got back.

      “I feel like I got you into this,” Amy said, wrinkling her nose in chagrin.

      “You didn’t get me into it, Aim. I’m an adult, responsible for my own behavior.”

      “You wouldn’t even have gone to Envy if it wasn’t for me.”

      “True, but you’re not the one who pulled Hudson into the cab. I did that.”

      Amy reared back. “You did? You pulled him into the taxi with you?”

      Ellie nodded. “Bottom line, I wanted to go to Hudson’s hotel, wanted to sleep with him, or I wouldn’t have done it.”

      Amy’s chest lifted as she took a deep breath. “Okay. So this is entirely your problem.”

      When Ellie gasped, Amy gave her a devilish grin. “Kidding. I’ll be here for you. We’ve always been there for each other, haven’t we?”

      “Yes.” Ellie didn’t understand how or why. They were such opposites, and yet it was always the other people in their lives who came and went. Case in point—she hadn’t heard Amy mention Leslie in a month or more. “I can do this, can’t I, Aim?”

      “You can do anything.” Amy squeezed her arm. “That’s part of the reason I’ve always admired you.”

      For once, Amy seemed to be in earnest. Slightly reassured, Ellie managed a watery smile. “Thank you.”

      “So are you going to call your parents?” she asked.

      “No. I won’t tell them for another five months. That way, they’ll have enjoyed a big chunk of their trip before they’re forced to decide whether or not to cut it short.” She took Amy’s hand. “Somehow I’ll get through the next half year without them.”

      “The way you work, you could end up staying in the lab that long,” Amy said, and they both laughed.

       7

      By mid-January Ellie was four months along and starting to show. She could easily cover the baby bump she saw in the mirror when she got out of the shower each morning with a big sweater over a pair of leggings. But instead of waiting until the last minute, she’d made the announcement at work a week ago that she was expecting, due on June 10.