Between Instagram and Snapchat, Becca had a clear idea of exactly how perfect Kaylee’s new life was. She even had a boyfriend. Just like Jordan, Becca’s second-best friend. Becca, on the other hand, hadn’t even been kissed, not unless you counted a couple of stupid birthday parties with kissing games, which she didn’t.
She knew it was wrong to be jealous of Kaylee learning to sail and dating the younger brother of a naval cadet, and in a way, she wasn’t. She wanted Kaylee to be happy—it was just she also wanted to be missed as much as she was missing her friend. But the texts were getting less frequent and less personal. These days it seemed as if Kaylee was texting her grandmother rather than her friend.
As for Jordan... Becca shook her head. She had no idea what to do there. Jordan and her family had gone to Mexico for Spring Break. Back in November, Jordan had begged Becca to go with her. If she didn’t have her best friend along, she would die. Then, over Christmas, Jordan and Nathan had started dating and in the end, Jordan had taken Nathan instead.
There were other friends—she was part of a group, just like pretty much every other girl in high school. But those were just regular friends. Becca had never been good at being close with a crowd. She preferred one or two people in her life, which made her weird and left her sitting alone on this stupid bench, freakishly excited about school starting in twenty minutes.
She looked around at everyone talking about their vacations, listened to the laughing and teasing and felt...sad. No, she thought. Not sad, exactly. Small. She was so small and everyone else was big and sometimes she felt as if she were getting smaller and smaller and one day she would just disappear.
Her phone chirped.
Where r u? omg I need to c u now
Becca smiled as Jordan’s drama played out in text, even as she heard her friend’s voice in her head.
Muinoup, she texted back, abbreviating “meet you in our usual place.”
She started toward the science building where she and Jordan would meet up in the girls’ bathroom. No one hung out here before school started, which meant the bathrooms were usually empty, allowing plenty of privacy for whatever revelation Jordan might want to share.
Becca wanted to hear all about her friend’s vacation. Jordan had been oddly quiet during her trip, only posting a handful of Snapchat videos and three Instagram pics. Once Jordan was finished—because Jordan always had to go first—Becca wanted to talk about her new dog and her dad and his upcoming wedding that her mom still knew nothing about.
And the car. At some point Becca was going to have to come clean about the car.
She wondered how her mom would react when she found out her ex-husband was getting married. Would she be mad or would she cry? Becca didn’t know what she was supposed to say. She wasn’t happy about it, either. Her dad already pretty much ignored her. He’d promised to take her driving over Spring Break and that had never happened—not even on the long drive to Grass Valley. She needed her fifty supervised hours. Her mom always said she was too busy, and now her dad kept flaking out on her.
She ran up the steps to the science building, pushed open the door and turned into the girls’ bathroom. Jordan was already there, texting. She smiled when she saw Becca.
“Finally! My God, I’ve been waiting and waiting. Where were you?”
Becca automatically started checking stalls to make sure they were alone. Jordan shook her head.
“I did that already. You’ll never guess. Try. You won’t, but try.”
Becca looked at her friend. Jordan was one of those people who had been born beautiful. She had dark skin and hair, and big brown eyes. She was tall, thin and always knew what she was supposed to wear.
Becca and Kaylee had been friends since kindergarten. It had always been the two of them until junior high when they’d met Jordan. Then it had been the three of them. Kaylee had always been the pretty friend, but when Jordan came along, Kaylee had to give up her crown. As for Becca, well, she was funny and smart. As if that mattered.
“How was your vacation?” Becca asked.
“Perfect. Amazing. Life changing.” Jordan spun in a circle, then grinned. “Do I look different? I feel different. More mature, you know?”
Becca studied her. Jordan wore skinny jeans and a cute, cropped sweater. Her hair was long, hanging down to the middle of her back. She had about a dozen bangles on her wrists, one ear cuff and a tiny diamond nose stud.
“You look great,” Becca offered.
Jordan grabbed her arm and pulled her close. “You can’t tell anyone. You have to swear.”
“I never tell. You know that. What? Tell me.” But as she asked, she got a sinking feeling she already knew.
Jordan released her, then sucked in a breath. “Nathan and I had sex. Not just fooling around. We did it. All the way.” She paused. “He actually put it in!”
Becca didn’t know what to say. Sure, she’d known this could happen eventually. Jordan and Nathan had been together for a while now and they had other friends who were hooking up, but still. Sex? Yet one more way Becca was being left behind.
She felt stupid and ugly and unwanted. Like aliens had come to school and abducted everyone but her because why would she be interesting to experiment on?
Jordan looked expectant. Becca tried to think of the right question. She and Jordan had talked about what it would be like to do that of course. More since Jordan and Nathan got serious, but to have done it...
“What was it like? Where did you do it? Do your parents know?”
Jordan exhaled slowly, then smiled. “It was nice. I liked it better when we were just, you know, fooling around, but it was good, too. I feel so different.” She looked at herself in the mirror. “I keep waiting for my mom to figure it out but that would mean she noticed I was alive.” Jordan rolled her eyes. “You know how she is.”
Jordan’s mother was a successful lawyer and her dad was a judge. They both adored and ignored their only daughter.
“Anyway, on Tuesday night Nathan sneaked into my room. We were fooling around, and then he got really serious.” Jordan’s eyes filled with tears. “He said he loved me and I said I loved him, and then it just happened.”
How did something like that just happen? “Did it hurt?”
“Yes, but not for long. He was so sweet. He stayed the night.” Jordan turned back to her. “I hope you find somebody, Becca. A good guy who wants to have sex with you.”
Because the only ones lining up were bad guys?
Jordan smiled at her. “I want you to know that I’m still going to be friends with you. That you matter to me. Even though we’re in different places in our lives now.” The smile gentled and became annoying like a mom’s. “You’ll catch up eventually.”
Jordan glanced at her phone. “Okay, we have a few minutes and I know you want all the details. Some are kind of personal, but still...”
Irritation flared. “I had a Spring Break, too, Jordan. It wouldn’t kill you to ask about it.”
“All you did was stay home.” Jordan sighed. “Don’t be jealous, Becca. I’m not going to be sorry that I have Nathan and you don’t have anybody. You’re my best friend and he’s my boyfriend. You’re going to have to find a way to get along.”
“Why do I have to get along with him? Why doesn’t he have to get along with me?” Becca shook her head. “And that’s not the point. Nathan and I are fine together. This isn’t even about that.”
“You’re