A whirlwind, that’s what the last twelve-plus hours of her life had been. She sighed. And that wasn’t even counting the awkwardness that was the ill-advised stop at the grocery store on her way home.
But...that was then. You leave that there, if you can, and you can because you have to. That was the first thing she’d learned after nursing school. It was required, for your own sanity. Nurse Tiana needed to take a breath, let go and ease back into being Mommy. She smiled and blew air kisses to Lily as she put the bags down on the counter.
“I could have picked up groceries, Tee,” her mother said as she entered the kitchen. “Go get changed. I’ll put these away.” Vivian took the bags from her and placed them near the sink. She could have at least tried not to shake her head side to side as she inspected each purchase. “Lot of salt in these,” she said as she shook a pack of corn chips en route to the pantry. She pursed her lips as she reached back in the bag, rummaging around. “Sugar, sugar, salt. Oh, well, now, here’s a vegetable. Not bad!”
“I know,” Tiana said, bristling. “I just wanted to grab a couple of things.” She sensed Lily reaching to pat her waist and she caught herself just in time.
“Germy-wormy,” Lily said, wearing a pout. “I remember.”
“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry. I’ll get cleaned up right now, okay? Then we can cuddle.”
Lily nodded, then asked if she would read her a bedtime story. Tiana smiled and told her that was all she wanted in the whole world. And it was the truth.
The shower ran long and hot, easing the knots bunched up in her back and shoulders, and she stood there, indulging herself in the luxury of it. Say what you wanted about this place, the water heater alone was worth it—it just kept churning out a steady, soothing rush of heat. When she finally stepped out of the shower, she felt 99 percent human again.
After slipping into her favorite Hello Kitty sleep pants—shut up, she could if she wanted—and an old, comfy T-shirt, Tiana let herself relax. She curled up with her little girl and opened up one of her favorites. She remembered her own mother reading it to her when she herself was little.
As she read the story to Lily—the poor girl was exhausted; her eyes struggled to stay open even as she nodded along with the rhythm of the words—Tiana reflected on how the peace and comfort of home was so necessary. A refuge. A need right up there with food and water. You had to have a place where you felt safe and loved, where you could just be you.
“Are you going to be here all night?” Lily asked in a low mumble. Her cheek was already pressed to her pillow and her eyes were shut.
“Sure, honey,” Tiana said. “I will.” She brushed her fingertips along Lily’s shoulder. Lily nodded. By the look of it, she’d be out soon, sleeping soundly.
Sound sleep, now there’s an idea, Tiana thought. She’d have to get some of that for herself.
“Do you have to go to work tomorrow, Mommy?” Lily asked as Tiana placed the book on the bedside table and pulled the comforter up to her daughter’s chin.
“Not tomorrow, honey. I get to take you to school and pick you up after. Maybe we can go on a special date, just the two of us. What do you think about that?”
Lily snuggled down deep in the blankets. “Fun. Mommy?”
“Yes, love?”
“I was thinking. I don’t want a fish pet. I want a kitten pet.”
Tiana kissed Lily’s forehead. “We’ll talk about that later.” Lily murmured as she turned toward her pillow. Tiana and slipped out of the room, pulling the door almost, but not quite shut.
Standing there in the hallway, she considered how much had changed since she’d first stepped foot into nursing school. Talk about whirlwinds! And then there was the day she’d sat in her car in utter despair after taking her boards, sure that she’d tanked it and that it had been all for nothing. But it turned out she’d done okay. Better than okay, really. Now her workdays were filled with helping other people deal with the worst day of their lives. She was still in her orientation phase, working under the guidance of an experienced nurse. The skills were easy to learn. Charting. Which doctor to call. All of those things were simple. What was hard was finding that line within herself: the line that allowed you to be a caring and compassionate nurse yet still keep your heart safe.
You can’t bleed for your patients or you’ll burn out in a year.
Those words, the first thing her preceptor had taught her, were the most difficult part of the job to master. Because she was a problem fixer. She wanted to fix every aspect of a patient’s life. But she couldn’t. She knew that. But it didn’t stop her from wanting to.
* * *
“I HAVE YOUR supper warmed up,” Vivian called from the kitchen.
Walking toward her, Tiana felt the fatigue of the day beginning to weigh her down. She put an arm around her mother, pulled her close. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Rough day?”
Tiana shrugged. “No more than usual.”
At the small dining room table, Tiana looked around at the apartment. She’d just moved her little family in a week ago, and it still seemed surreal. After years of cheap college apartments and two months in an extended-stay hotel while she began her orientation, it was certainly the nicest place she’d ever lived, even though the monthly payment about gave her heart failure. A small smile crossed her lips as she looked around. She could afford it though. Finally. Financial freedom was the ultimate freedom. Three bedrooms, hardwood floors, walk-in closets, granite-topped counters, sleek black brand-new appliances. She’d done this. Yeah, it was expensive, but she’d made it. Lily was in a great elementary school, living in a great town with endless opportunity. Everything she’d worked for when she left Lily with her mother and went away to school. Sometimes, she would stop and look around, still surprised she’d made it out the other side.
Her mother’s hand closed over hers as if she’d read her thoughts. “You’ve done well, Tee. I’m so proud of you.”
Squeezing her mother’s hand, she nodded. “We did it. Together. I couldn’t have done it without you. We did this, Mom.”
“The Three Musketeers. Now eat your food and go to bed.”
That made her laugh. “Okay, Mom.”
She took a few bites. Her mother could cook, that was a truth. Even when she followed the recipe perfectly, her food didn’t taste like her mother’s. Tiana suspected secret ingredients.
“Lily wants a kitten now instead of a fish.”
“Ha! She’d rather go for furry and snuggly than for scaly and slimy? Imagine that!” Vivian mimed locking her lips and throwing away a key. “Not even going to touch that battle. Good luck.”
Letting out a tired sigh, Tiana finished the rest of her food. As much as she hated to admit it, Lily had inherited her determined streak. When Lily put her foot down, crossed her arms, and held her chin high, she looked like a mini CEO getting ready for a meeting with the Board of Directors. In pajamas! Tiana shook her head, smiled, and sighed again. As hard as she had to be, tried to be, that girl had her heart wrapped around her little finger. The littlest boss.
But a kitten, gah.
Maybe a few more trips to the aquarium? Find some super enthusiastic intern who could spin tales of clever clownfish, sunlight sparkling across rainbow-colored scales just below the surface, mermaids, sails and all the wonders of the deep blue sea?
Hey, it was worth a try.
“DESHAWN!”
He’d