Perhaps I had a bigger problem than cancer. I’d just thrown out the only two people in the world who’d come to offer me their love and support.
38
CHAPTER
CAROL GIRARD
Carol and Doug arrived at the fondue restaurant in the Seattle University district before Rick. They were already seated and had each ordered a glass of chardonnay while they waited for her brother and possibly Lisa.
It had taken Carol several days to reach him. Their conversation had been short. She’d invited Rick to dinner and asked him to bring Lisa, too, if she was available. After setting the date and time, he’d promised to see if Lisa could come.
“Do you think she’ll be with him?” Carol asked, clutching her husband’s arm. This night could be one of the most important in their married life.
Before Doug had an opportunity to answer, Carol saw the hostess leading her brother to the table. He was alone, but perhaps that was for the best. After talking the matter over, she and Doug had decided her brother could present their idea to Lisa. She might have found it awkward to discuss such a private matter with complete strangers.
Carol had intended to spend the evening socializing with Rick—or the couple if Lisa showed up—and then afterward invite them to the apartment, where they’d make their suggestion. Doug would do the talking, they’d agreed, and that would give Carol a chance to gauge Rick’s feelings.
“Here you are,” Rick said. He kissed Carol’s cheek before taking a seat across from them. His eyes avoided hers. “Mom told me about the miscarriage. I’m so sorry.”
“Thank you.”
Their drinks came then, providing a distraction. Rick ordered a double whiskey. “I’m not flying until tomorrow night,” he explained.
“How’s everything in your life?” Doug asked as soon as the waitress had taken their dinner order.
“Hunky dory,” Rick said flippantly.
Carol reached for her husband’s hand beneath the table. “How’s Lisa?”
“Fine, I guess. I haven’t talked to her in a week or so.”
So he hadn’t bothered to extend the dinner invitation, after all. Well, she supposed it didn’t matter.
“You certainly seem to be in good spirits.” Rick directed the comment at Carol. “I expected you to be all depressed. Mom said you’d taken the miscarriage really hard.”
She grimaced. “I did, but life goes on.”
His drink arrived and Rick raised the ice-filled tumbler. “To life,” he said. Carol and Doug raised their glasses in response but didn’t echo his words.
“Actually, you and Lisa have a great deal to do with the improvement in my mood,” Carol ventured. Doug cast her a warning glance. She knew he was right. This wasn’t the time to bring up the reason for their dinner invitation.
“Me?” Her brother looked surprised.
Thankfully their server arrived with the first course of their meal, saving Carol from answering. The waitress lit the fondue burner and set a bowl filled with a hot cheese mixture on top. She added a variety of items to dip, including bread, sliced vegetables and fresh apples and pears.
Carol’s appetite had increased over the last week, but since the miscarriage she’d lost enough weight that many of her clothes no longer fit properly. For that evening out, she’d been forced to change her outfit three times. Everything in her closet hung on her like a tent.
“We’re thinking of adoption,” Carol announced. She simply couldn’t resist saying something, despite Doug’s caution.
Rick nodded as if he approved. “Good idea.”
“We thought so,” Carol murmured and rubbed her leg against Doug’s. Rick was so dense he hadn’t picked up on what should’ve been obvious.
“I talked to Ellie last week,” her brother said.
“How did it go?”
“She was cordial but I could tell that beneath all the politeness, she was pleased to hear from me. I asked her out to dinner next week.”
“Is she going?”
Rick shook his head. “I should’ve waited until I was back in Juneau. It’s much harder to turn me down in person.”
“What’s happening with Lisa?” Carol asked, hoping for information about the pregnant flight attendant.
“We decided to go our separate ways. We were never much of an item.”
Carol’s heart fell. “But you do intend to keep seeing her, don’t you?”
Her brother looked up, holding a piece of bread dripping with cheese over the fondue pot. “Oh, sure, that’s unavoidable with the two of us working the same flights. She’s a sweetheart and what happened is unfortunate. I have to say she’s handled it well.”
Carol sighed with relief. “You know, sometimes what seems like an accident isn’t one at all.”
“I guess.” Rick reached for another piece of bread. “Damn, this is good. Did either of you notice what kind of cheese this is?”
“Can’t say that I did,” Doug said.
Carol noticed a sharpness in her husband’s voice and glanced over to find him frowning. She wanted to ask what was wrong, but couldn’t. Now that the subject of Lisa had been introduced, Carol couldn’t bear to wait another moment.
“I’m sure you know how dreadful it was when I miscarried,” she said, studying her brother intently.
Rick sipped his drink, and then speared a slice of pear. “That was really bummer news.”
“One night last week, just before dawn, I was sitting in the dark thinking about all of this. I felt like a complete failure.”
“How so?”
“I’d failed myself. I’d failed Doug. You and I both know what a wonderful father he’d be. And I knew how disappointed Mom and Dad would be. They’re really looking forward to becoming grandparents. I felt as if my whole world had collapsed.”
Rick glanced at her. “Why would you feel like that?”
It would take too long to explain. “A woman feels those kinds of emotions when she can’t carry a pregnancy to term.”
Rick’s gaze slid to Doug and he winked. “Women. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t understand ‘em, but they sure as hell make life interesting, don’t they?”
Doug didn’t bother to respond.
“The reason I bring this up now—”
“Carol.” Doug placed his hand over hers. “Let’s enjoy our dinner.”
She nodded, but nearly had to bite her tongue to keep from prodding her brother with more questions about Lisa. Without the double whiskey—in fact, Rick was now on his second—he might have picked up on what she was trying to say.
The meal seemed to take forever. Any other night, Carol would have savored this time with her two favorite men in the world. Following the appetizer of cheese was the main course with shrimp and lobster cooked in a bubbling white wine sauce. When dessert finally arrived, strawberries and pound cake dipped in rich chocolate, Carol was so tense she couldn’t wait another minute.
“Would you like to come to our house for a nightcap?” Doug asked.
Rick glanced at his watch. “I’d better not.”
“But it’s important,”