And he couldn’t even freaking escort her back to The Harbour, let alone be involved with the emergency.
His hands fumbled with fury as they sought the back of the chair and with a curse he sat down heavily and felt his hand collide with the plate. Cold rice squelched through his fingers. He swore again and pushed the plate away. A crash followed.
The disappointments of the day and the bitter fury that had been his companion since the accident rolled back in like a king tide. With a gasp he realised their arrival meant they’d been absent. Gone for the hour he’d spent at dinner.
The hour you spent with Hayley.
But now every single feeling was back with a vengeance—stronger and more devastating than before. It swamped him with the reminder that his current life was a very poor relation to the one he’d lived before. It clawed at him, pulling him down and forcing him back toward the pit of despair he’d only half dug himself out of.
Hayley would be operating within the hour. She would be saving lives. And what was he doing? Sticking his hand in cold food and making a damn mess. He fought for his breath against a tight and frozen chest. So what if she smelled like summer sunshine or if the timbre of her voice stroked him like a hot caress, sending his blood direct to his groin? If attempting normality meant being reminded of everything he’d lost, he wasn’t ever doing it again.
‘Wayan!’ He heard himself yell and didn’t care that probably every other patron in the small restaurant was staring at him.
‘Yes, Tom?’
‘Bring me the rest of that bottle of red wine. Now.’
He intended to lose himself in Connawarra’s finest merlot and forget everything about Hayley Grey.
HAYLEY woke up slowly, blinking against the sunlight that streamed in through her open curtains, and stretched out with a sigh. The brighter the light, the better she slept, and today was an exceptionally sunny day. It was also her day off—a day she usually spent studying.
At high school she’d spent her weekends studying instead of partying, and that had continued through medical school. Now her days off often came during the week but the pattern hadn’t changed. She’d sleep really late and then study well into the night until she fell asleep at her desk under the glow of her reading lamp. There she could get a few hours’ sleep, unlike in her bed.
She threw back the covers and got up, padding directly to her small kitchen to make a huge pot of Earl Grey tea and a plate of hot, buttered toast. While she waited for the kettle to boil, she opened up her study planner to see what the next topic of revision was, only this time her usual buzz of enthusiasm didn’t stir. Instead, she had an overwhelming urge to do something totally different with her day. An urge so unexpected that it swooped in and changed the shape of her loneliness.
She bit her lip. She was intimate with loneliness—it had been part of her from the moment death had stolen not only her twin sister’s life but a part of her life too. Over the years it had become a living thing—a constant companion—despite other friendships. She’d thrown herself into study and then work, and she enjoyed being part of a huge institution, but the empty space inside her had never filled. She’d tried a few times to be a girlfriend, but she’d never found the connection strong enough. Eventually she’d accepted that there was always going to be a space between her and others. Still, she was a healthy woman with needs like anyone else so in the past she’d settled on two ‘friends with benefits’ arrangements—one at university and another last year in the UK. Both men had eventually wanted more than she could offer so she’d let them go, and happily watched each of them fall in love with a woman they deserved. A woman who was whole and could love them the way she never could. Now she was back in Sydney she didn’t have time for anything other than work and her exam preparation. She’d spent years working toward this exam so she could proudly hang up a brass plate with her name on it—Ms Hayley Grey. Surgeon. FRACS.
Finn Kennedy was right. The exam was a bastard and the pass rate first time round was very low. She was determined to pass on her first attempt and for that to happen, study must be her priority. Nothing was going to derail her from her goal.
You enjoyed having dinner with Tom Jordan.
The kettle boiled and she poured the water over the fragrant leaves and breathed in deeply. To her total and utter surprise, the quick dinner she’d shared with Tom hadn’t been the horror she’d anticipated. Sure, Tom had his own set of demons, but the flipside meant he wasn’t interested in hers. Added to that, his conversation style was in such sharp contrast to the usual ‘first date’ scene that it had been both refreshing and stimulating.
It was hardly a date.
I know that.
She quickly buttered her toast but she couldn’t deny that Tom’s rough-edged charisma and wickedly deep voice kept coming back to her at all times of the day and night, making her feel flustered and tingly all at the same time. God, maybe she did need to have sex with someone soon.
Tom Jordan is not that one.
And she knew that. Dark and brooding was not for her. She needed light. She needed sunshine and happiness, which was why the two men she’d chosen in the past had been benign in comparison with Tom’s rugged cynicism. But the problem was, she’d glimpsed the man who was buried under all that anger and sadness, and she wanted to see him again.
Her cheeks suddenly burned when she thought about how during the emergency surgery three nights ago she’d asked Theo in a roundabout way where Tom lived.
‘You had dinner with Tom Jordan?’
Theo’s eyes had widened so much that Hayley had thought they would explode and she’d realised she’d just given out information to a hard-core gossip.
‘Yes, and I had to dash back here. I was just wondering if he’d chosen the restaurant because it was close to his place. If I was blind, I think I’d stick to known places.’
Theo had nodded and said, ‘His apartment’s on the top floor of the Bridgeview Building. I can’t believe that all this time he’s been blind and living in Perth, and none of us knew. Did he say what happened?’
Hayley didn’t like to gossip but as she’d been the one to bring the topic up she took the middle road. ‘I only met the man this morning and he said he was knocked off his bike. I’m sure now that he’s back in Sydney he’d appreciate a call from friends and he’ll probably tell you a lot more that he did me.’
Theo had almost dropped the Yankauer sucker. ‘Tom Jordan was incredibly well respected amongst the staff but he wasn’t someone you made friends with or saw much outside the hospital. Believe me, many of the nurses tried but he pretty much held himself apart. Tom could talk surgery for hours, but put him in a staffroom with a group discussing last night’s favourite TV show and it was like sticking him in a foreign country where he didn’t speak the language. Put it this way, the man doesn’t do small talk.’
How long have you been scared of the dark?
Hayley smiled at the recollection as she bit into the toast. Theo was right. Tom still didn’t do small talk but, then again, neither did she—or when she tried she didn’t do it very well. She totally understood what it was like to feel completely at sea when surrounded by an animated discussion about who would be eliminated next from the phenomenally popular cooking show on television. She hardly watched any TV and if she did have some downtime she tended to re-watch her favourite movies on DVD.
She gave herself a shake. Enough