No. She really mustn’t think of those times right now.
At one end of the barn sat the tack room and feed bins. Brandon, eager to learn more about this part of the business, had already helped her pack the supplies she and Geneva would need, but with David tagging along, she’d better make sure she had extra.
She laid everything out once again, making notes with a pad and pencil she kept in the tack room. She’d have to bring another blanket down from the lodge, even though it was summer. More water. Another set of utensils and dishes. Rations for one more horse and mule.
Would His Royal Hollywood Highness settle for plain old American coffee? He was probably used to some fancy blend. Well, tough. If he didn’t like the meals she had planned, he could turn around and go home.
She made a notation on her list, wondering if she could get away with feeding him basic camp food for two weeks. “How do you feel about pork and beans, Mr. Ritz-Carlton?” she said aloud.
To punctuate her displeasure, she drew a hard line under one of the words she’d written. The point of her pencil broke off with a small snap.
She stared at it, then swore so loudly that Sheba pricked up her ears. Stalking into the tack room, Addy searched in vain for another pencil, a pen, anything, but found nothing. More swearing. Why hadn’t she cleaned out the drawers so she could find things? Why didn’t she plan better?
Disgusted and breathing hard, she sat down on a bale of hay and lowered her head into her hands. She had been afraid of letting go, but now all the unshed tears waiting for a break in her control found their release.
It was ridiculous, but she couldn’t seem to stop crying. Ever since she’d walked into Geneva McKay’s house and seen David standing there, her emotions had been teetering on the edge of something too heart-wrenching to be ignored.
She felt threatened, endangered, and only pride and her own mulish nature kept her from calling off this whole trip. Maybe she’d do it, and to hell with what he thought.
“Addy?” she heard a quiet voice say.
She jerked her head up to see that Dani had entered the barn. She stood looking at Addy uncomfortably, as if she didn’t know whether to back away or come forward. It might have been funny if Addy hadn’t felt so miserable.
She made a token attempt to regain control, wiping her eyes with the edge of her T-shirt. “Hi,” she said around a sniffle. “You lost?”
“No,” her sister-in-law said. “I was actually looking for you. I wanted to see if you were all right.”
Addy made a face. She was embarrassed but glad that if anyone had to catch her blubbering like a baby, it was Dani. “Do I look all right?”
“No. Is there something I can do to help?”
“Not unless you know a magic trick that can make someone disappear.”
“Is this about Geneva’s grandson? The fact that he’s going on this trip with you?”
“It’s that obvious?”
Dani sat down next to her on the hay bale, nudging her gently with her shoulder. “Rafe told me he broke your heart years ago.”
“Rafe talks too much all of a sudden.”
“Do you want to discuss it?”
“Not much to tell.”
“I’m a good listener.”
“It’s not that exciting.”
“Try me,” Dani said with an encouraging smile.
Addy shrugged. She supposed there was no harm in telling Dani. She was so new to the family that she’d have no preconceived notions. “David McKay moved here to live with his grandparents after his parents were killed in a car accident. I was in the seventh grade when he showed up in my English class. By the eighth grade I was practicing writing Mrs. Adriana McKay.”
Dani laughed a little. “Love at first sight, huh?”
Addy nodded. “For me, anyway. Not for David. He was very popular with all the girls. He was a math wiz, but he really wanted to be a documentary filmmaker. He was so passionate about things. It was one of the ways he was different from everyone else. It was what made him special in my eyes.”
“After you left, Geneva was telling us about the movie that was filmed here and how quickly David made a name for himself once he moved to Hollywood.”
“That was really the end for us, that film,” Addy said with a sigh. “After he got involved with it he was…different.”
“How?” Dani touched her arm sympathetically. “Geneva said David became very good friends with the producer and the crew. That he followed them to Hollywood because he felt he could get an introduction into the business.”
“He did. Everything he’d been dreaming of came to him because of that one silly movie.”
“An offer he couldn’t turn down.”
“Of course,” Addy admitted. “That’s really at the heart of it, you know? That he could run off to Hollywood with those people. We’d been dating steadily. It had never occurred to me that he would ever seriously want to leave here. To leave me. But he said it was an opportunity he couldn’t pass up. That he’d come back. I was devastated.”
“So you fought?”
Addy nodded. “Out by the lake on the night before he left. The things we said to one another were hateful. He accused me of being jealous, not trusting him. Of trying to keep him from achieving his dream. I told him that he’d obviously found a way to use people to get to the top. That he didn’t need me any longer since there wasn’t a damned thing I could do to help him.”
Dani’s eyes widened. “Wow. Not a great way to end a relationship.”
“No. That was the last time we spoke.” Addy raked her fingers through her hair wearily. “And now he’s back.”
Dani reached out to squeeze her hand. “Do you still love him?” she asked quietly.
Addy’s heart bumped a little. Stupid, really, because she knew now that their love had been a fierce, ragged flame destined to go out. “No. But that doesn’t mean he can’t get to me. He’s the one I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with. I used to picture the two of us living here, near our families. When he left, I…”
“You what?” Dani asked with a quizzical glance.
“I think I gave up on all of that.”
Dani stood, crouching in front of Addy so that she could take her arms in both hands. She frowned down at her. “It doesn’t mean you can’t have it with someone else, Addy. You have so much to give a man. One day—”
“One day, one day,” Addy mimicked, feeling miserable and mired in the loneliness that now characterized her life. “I don’t want to wait any longer to get what you and Rafe have. What Matt’s found with Leslie. And Nick with Kari. If I can’t have that…”
Neither of them said anything for a few moments. Then Dani spoke. “So you think having a baby of your own, raising a child alone, will make up for not having a man in your life?”
“I think I want something. I need to have…” She trailed off with a sigh. “Right now I have to get through two weeks with David McKay. And I just don’t know how to do that.”
Dani gave her a little shake, making Addy look up. “Adriana D’Angelo! Stop talking like such a weakling. You come from one of the toughest, most sensible families I’ve ever met. You’re a helicopter pilot. You run this stable. You’re considering being a single parent. You take on responsibilities that would send a weaker woman screaming for help.”
“I