When Lucas returned to Clayton, he knew it would be awkward to see Erin again. Even though they’d parted in anger the night he left, they had a history. Shared memories. The trouble was, Lucas hadn’t been prepared for the emotions tangled inside of those memories.
Erin was a complication he didn’t need. He’d left Clayton once, and after he fulfilled the terms of his grandfather’s will he planned to leave it again.
“Wanna get out, Lucas!” Max tugged on the strap of his booster seat.
“Hold on.” Lucas hopped out of the truck cab and opened the door.
Giggling, Max made a break for it as soon as Lucas unbuckled him. The kid was smart enough to know where to seek sanctuary, too. He made a beeline for Erin, who swung Max up in her arms as if she’d done it a hundred times before and tucked him against the curve of her hip.
“How are you doing today, cowboy?”
“I wanna see the baby horse.” Max pointed to the barn.
“She’s with her momma right now,” Erin said. “And they’re both doing great.”
Lucas figured that last bit was meant for him.
“Max and I had a few errands to run this morning so I thought I’d stop by.” He hadn’t called to let Erin know that he was on his way over. In fact, he’d planned the morning visit because she’d told him the majority of her time was spent at the café. Apparently, however, that didn’t mean today.
As he followed her into the barn, Max chattered on about the “black-and-blue” pancakes Lucas had made for breakfast.
“Cowboys like ’em the best,” he told her matter-of-factly.
“Really? I didn’t know that.” Erin glanced at Lucas. “How do you make, ah, black-and-blue pancakes?”
“It’s easy,” he said ruefully. “The blue comes from the blueberries and the black when you forget to flip them while you’re stirring the orange juice.”
Erin’s laughter swept through the barn…and his defenses. Lucas found it difficult to take his eyes off her.
Not a good sign.
Erin put a finger to her lips before sliding open the stall door. “Shh. Diamond likes it quiet so her baby can sleep.”
“I’ll be quiet,” Max promised, staring up at Erin as if she were a fairy-tale princess come to life. A fairy-tale princess in faded corduroy and denim.
She looked totally at peace in her surroundings, something Lucas had never quite managed to achieve.
Maybe because it didn’t seem to matter that he’d juggled classes and work during the day and studied long into the night to earn his degree in veterinary science, graduating a year earlier than his classmates. No matter how much Lucas accomplished, he always heard his father’s voice tell him it wasn’t enough.
“You have a rebellious nature, Lucas. If you don’t listen to me and do what I say, you’re never going to amount to anything. You’ll disappoint everyone who cares about you and you’ll be alone. Sometimes I think that’s what you want.”
The words had cut deep, embedding themselves in Lucas’s heart. He’d discovered that nothing, not a steady paycheck, not pats on the back nor praise from his boss, could erase the words his father had spoken to him on the night he’d died.
They’d taken root and grown. Crowded out his ability to commit until he’d become the man Vern Clayton had predicted he would be.
“God loves you, Lucas, and He won’t turn His back on you. You’ll never be alone.”
Erin’s voice sounded sweet and clear, as if she’d just spoken the words out loud instead of years ago.
What would his life be like if he’d believed her, not his father?
Something shifted inside of Lucas and he struggled to regain his balance. “If you have something to do, go ahead,” he said curtly. “Max and I won’t be here long.”
That was one promise Lucas would make sure he kept.
“That’s all right.” The wary look in Erin’s eyes had returned. “I’ll introduce Max to Butterscotch and her kittens while you check on Diamond.”
Because she didn’t want to spend any more time in his company than necessary.
Lucas should have felt the same way. So why did he have the overwhelming urge to follow Erin as she led Max away?
Diamond greeted him with a snort as he stepped into the stall.
“Yeah, I know,” Lucas muttered. “The sooner we get this over with, the sooner our lives can get back to normal.”
As normal as life in Clayton would ever get, Lucas silently amended. And with Erin Fields less than fifty feet away, she was out of sight but definitely not out of mind.
The music of her laughter echoed through the barn and Lucas paused to listen until Diamond swung her head around and nipped his sleeve.
He was definitely out of his mind.
Ten minutes later Lucas found Erin and Max in a corner of the barn, playing with a litter of half-grown calico kittens with lime-green eyes. Max ambled over and tugged on his arm until Lucas bent down.
“Haveta go, Lucas,” he whispered.
“We will, buddy. As soon as I put my things away.”
“No.” Max shook his head vigorously. “Haveta go.”
Oh, that kind of go.
Lucas silently calculated how long it would take to get the nearest gas station without exceeding the speed limit. “Five minutes, Bud.”
“But I haveta go now.”
Erin sighed. “I do have indoor plumbing, Lucas.”
“Are you sure?”
Erin didn’t bother to grace that with a response, just closed the barn door and strode toward the house. They followed her inside, where the scent of cinnamon and apples permeated the air.
She pointed to a door at the end of the narrow hall. “Come into the kitchen when you’re done. I have to take a loaf of bread out of the oven.”
Lucas scooped Max up to hasten the trip but as they passed the living room, the boy let out a squeal that practically drilled a hole in Lucas’s left eardrum.
“Look at Erin’s tree!”
Lucas blinked. It wasn’t just a tree. The entire room resembled a Christmas card come to life.
The roundest balsam fir Lucas had ever seen took up an entire corner of the room, decked out in dozens of shimmering ornaments that caught and reflected the twinkling lights woven between the branches. A pine garland braided with gold ribbons ran the length of the fireplace mantle and a hand-carved nativity set graced the coffee table in front of the green corduroy sofa.
Lucas wanted to smack himself upside the head.
Christmas was only three weeks away and until now it hadn’t even appeared on his radar. His mother hadn’t decorated for the holiday. Maybe she didn’t bother anymore. But after what Max had been through…well, he deserved some of this.
The scents and sounds of the holiday.
A home.
Unfortunately, Lucas didn’t feel equipped to give the boy either one of them.
Erin appeared beside him. “I decorate the house the day after Thanksgiving every