Rebecca’s finances were meager, but she would give what she could. “What else can we do to help?”
“Why don’t we each fix a meal and take it over. That would lighten Anna’s burden.”
“That’s a fine idea. I’ll make up a casserole and bake another carrot cake for dessert.” She finished slicing the one in front of her and slid two pieces onto the white plates she had waiting. She carried them to the table where her mother joined her. Her mother stopped in to visit every Tuesday afternoon, and Rebecca always made something special to share with her.
Her mother smiled and took a seat. She forked a bite into her mouth and sighed. “I like your carrot cake almost as much as I like Anna’s gooseberry preserves. It’s too bad the Lord gave Anna all sons and left her without daughters to help in the house. And such troublesome boys, too. I remember how humiliated she was when Luke and Joshua were arrested on drug charges. My heart ached for her. I don’t know how she bore it.”
“Joshua was wrongly accused.”
Mother pointed a finger at Rebecca. “But Luke wasn’t. An Amish fellow selling drugs, what is the world coming to?” She clasped her hand to her chest and shook her head making the ribbons of her white kapp jiggle.
Rebecca chose to ignore her mother’s dramatic flair. “Luke repented and has remained a solid member of the church. We should not speak harshly of him.”
Her mother’s lower lip turned down in a pout. She stabbed her fork into her cake. “I wasn’t speaking harshly. I was merely stating a fact.”
“Joshua married a lovely girl last month. Surely his wife is helping Anna.”
“They are still away on their wedding trip. Anna has two sisters near Arthur, Illinois. The newlyweds are staying with them and visiting cousins in the area. Anna wrote and told them not to cut their visit short. Verna thinks it was a foolish thing to say. I agree.”
Rebecca thought back to her own wedding trip. She cherished every moment of the time she and Walter spent getting to know each other’s families. Her marriage might have been short, but it had been sweet. Tears pricked the back of her eyes, but she blinked them away. He was only out of her sight for a little while. Someday, they would be together again in Heaven. Until then, she would live her life as God willed.
“I saw John at the market. He asked about you.” The tone of her mother’s voice changed ever so slightly.
Rebecca braced herself for the coming conversation. “How is my brother-in-law?”
“Lonely.”
A twinge of pity pushed Rebecca’s defenses lower. “He told you that?”
“He didn’t have to say it. It was easy to see. His wife has been gone for three years. He has to be lonely. You’re lonely, too. You try to hide it from me, but I’m not blind. I don’t know why you won’t consider marrying John. Everyone in his family is for it.”
Rebecca concentrated on her cake. “It’s barely been two years since Walter died. I know everyone thinks it’s a good idea, but I’m not ready.” Would she ever be?
Her mother reached across the table and covered Rebecca’s hand with her own. “Walter loved you. He loved his brother. He would want to see you both happy.”
How could she be happy with someone other than her beloved? He was the yardstick by which she measured every man. None could come close to the sweet kindness in his voice, the tender touch of his hand, the sparkle that sprang to his eyes each time he caught sight of her. No one could replace him, but her mother was right about one thing. The loneliness was sometimes hard to bear.
“Walter would want to see you holding a babe of your own. Don’t let your sadness rob you of that joy. You aren’t getting any younger.”
“I’m only twenty-five. I’ve got time.” Rebecca’s dreams of a family had died with Walter. She mourned that loss almost as much as she mourned her husband. If only they had been blessed with a child, then she would have been able to keep a part of Walter close to her heart and she wouldn’t be so alone.
Her mother sat back and picked up her fork again. “Time has a way of slipping by us unnoticed, Rebecca. Don’t throw this chance away. Give John some encouragement. You could have children of your own, companionship, security. I don’t want you to be alone all your life.”
Was her mother right? Should she consider remarrying, if not for love, for the blessings a family would bring?
Rebecca studied the cake in front of her. She did want children. She liked John, but was that enough? Could she grow to love him in time? Not as she had loved Walter, of course, but enough to be content in her later years?
“I’ll think about it.” That would satisfy her mother and allow Rebecca to change the painful subject.
“Goot. I’ve invited him and his folks for supper on Sunday after church services. I’m sure the two of you can find a few minutes alone. Are you still working for the Stutzman family?”
Rebecca shook her head as much at her mother’s blatant attempt to manipulate her as to answer her question. “Nee, Mrs. Stutzman’s mother arrived to help with the children and the new baby. I’m unemployed again.”
She wasn’t a trained nurse, but her experience caring for her husband during his long illness had taught her a great deal. She put that knowledge to use helping others in the community such as new mothers or those with infirm elderly family members who required extra attention. Sometimes an English family would hire her, too. It wasn’t steady work, but she found it rewarding. It kept the loneliness at bay and kept her from being a burden on her mother or the church community. She knew they would provide for her, but she hated accepting help when she was able to work.
“So you will be home now.”
Rebecca nodded. “Until I find another job.”
“Goot, you are free to visit with John whenever he wants. I’ll let him know.”
Rebecca closed her eyes. “Mamm, don’t pester the man.”
“He’s always happy to hear from me. You wouldn’t need to work at all if you married again. John makes a nice living as a farrier. His first wife never complained.”
Rebecca cast her mother a beseeching glance. “I’m sure a horseshoer in an Amish community earns a decent wage. Can we drop the subject now?”
Her mother shrugged. “I don’t know why you are so touchy about it. You’re going to let a good man slip out of your grasp if you aren’t careful. I’m simply trying to steer you in the right direction.”
Rebecca was saved from replying by the arrival of a horse and buggy that pulled up to the gate outside. The interruption was welcome. “I wonder who that is?”
“I’m sure I don’t know who it could be.”
Her mother’s feigned innocence caused Rebecca to look at her sharply. “Did you invite John over today?”
“It’s no sin to be friendly.”
Rebecca cringed inside, braced for an awkward afternoon and then opened the door. But it wasn’t her brother-in-law. Isaac Bowman stood hat in hand on her small front porch.
He nodded to her. “Goot day, Rebecca. I hope I haven’t come at a bad time.”
She stepped back. “Not at all. Won’t you come in, Isaac? My mother and I were just enjoying some cake and coffee. Would you care to join us?”
“I’d rather say what I’ve come to say and not waste time.”
Rebecca stepped out onto the porch with him. “As you please. I’ve only just heard about Samuel. I’m very sorry.”
“Danki.