“Uh. Great,” he said. God, those long, leather-clad legs…
They sat for another long moment. Shannon spun in her chair and pulled a legal pad from a drawer in her credenza. She made a note on it.
Hal read it upside down. Small talk, she’d written. Wonderful. She was noting down his failings while he drooled over her.
“I don’t like small talk,” he said. “It’s a waste of time.”
Shannon caught her top lip between her teeth. “Okay. Then why don’t we get straight to the point of why you’re here. Various people have ganged up on you—your mom, your sister… Why do you think they’re doing that? And why now?”
“I’m in the process of taking my company public. The underwriters are in full swing right now. I can’t really talk about it. But my legal advisor is on this tangent about how I’m the face of the company, and the future rests upon me…blah, blah, blah.”
“And what about Mom and Sis?”
“Yeah.” Hal looked down. “My mother wants me to produce hairless microhumans.” All I want to do is practice. With you.
“Excuse me?”
“Babies. Mom wants grandchildren. My sister just wants me to have a social life.” God, I sound like such a dweeb. Again, he was back in high school, being picked on by the Beautiful People. Except this was worse. He was now (figuratively) on his knees before a Beautiful Person, offering to pay her to de-dork him. Painful. This is just painful. Inside, Hal cringed. Outside, he just blinked at her.
“What do you want, Hal?”
Amazing. She didn’t seem to be laughing at him at all. Probably because there was a fat check involved. “What do I want? Well, primarily I want my company to succeed. And I want them all off my back.”
And I want to find out who’s leaking information to my competition. No way did Greer Conover develop a prototype, on his own, that’s just like ours. Conover had always been a sneak and a slime, and he’d frequently cheated off Hal’s tests in college.
“Okay,” said Shannon. “Then we’re looking at a multistage process. First we need to work on some surface stuff like a haircut, a shave and some new clothes.”
“I was afraid of that.”
“Painless, I promise.”
“Uh-huh.” She had a beautiful smile and because of it, he didn’t trust a word she said. The smile was a tool.
“And by the way, underneath all that hair, I think you’re much better-looking than Saddam.”
Lay it on thick, baby, so I’ll write you a check. He flashed her a sardonic glance. “That’s not saying much.”
She laughed. “Okay, during stage two we’ll work on things like small talk and posture and media training. And during stage three, I’ll teach you how to become irresistible to women.”
“Irresistible, huh?”
“Absolutely.” Her voice was firm. Again, no trace of amusement. A damn good actress, was Shannon Shane.
“All this in the next thirty days?”
She nodded.
Hal sighed. “When do we start and how much is all this going to cost me?”
She looked at her watch, a platinum number that had probably cost some sucker boyfriend more than Hal paid Tina, his receptionist, in a year. “We start now. I made a tentative appointment with a stylist for you. He’s a good friend of mine, so he held a slot open.”
Stylist? The very word sounded ominous to Hal. Expensive and suspicious. “I go to a barber close to my office.”
“Not anymore, you don’t.” She gave him a sunny smile. Then she named a ballpark sum for her services that scandalized him.
Hal’s jaw dropped open. “Do you know how many computers I could buy for that money?”
She met his gaze squarely. “You don’t need any more computers. Do you?”
Hey, a guy could always use more computers. He would admit nothing.
“And you do need a new image, right?”
A matter of opinion.
“So you’re going to need a lot of coaching, good suits for media interviews, new glasses, new shoes—”
“No penny loafers.” Hal laid down the law.
“What?”
“Don’t even try.”
“Penny loafers? No, of course not. Nobody but a dyed-in-the-wool, New England preppy would wear those things. We’re going for a much more hip, intellectual but sexy image.”
Hal almost laughed at the idea that he could ever be hip or sexy. He looked again at Shannon Shane’s Dr. Seuss wall calendar. She was a kook. A gorgeous kook. But she wasn’t going to make him wear penny loafers.
“All right,” he sighed. And against his inclination and better judgment, he placed himself in Shannon’s too-beautiful hands.
5
SHANNON FELT LIKE A FRAUD, a farce and a failure. And all the orange leather jackets in the world couldn’t change the facts: she, a failed actress, was nothing compared to someone like Hal Underwood, a guy so brilliant that he’d not only founded his own software company but was about to take it public.
Sure, she could help him with his public image. If only he could help her with her private one. People never got past her surface. For as long as she could remember, she’d been a victim of stares from both sexes. The stares of men were at best admiring and at worst downright lustful. The stares of women were usually hostile, envious or despairing.
She’d gotten used to being looked at—after all, there was nothing she could do about it—but she’d never get used to the strange emotions her appearance produced in other people. And she’d never grow accustomed to the feeling that nobody ever heard a word she said—they simply watched her lips move. Worse—she now didn’t even know who she was, and therefore what she had to say.
Since her car was flooded, they took Hal’s to see Enrique, her stylist.
His salon was a sumptuous ode to blue velvet. The curved reception desk was upholstered in a deep navy, as was the long sofa. Various chairs and pillows ranged in hue from royal to turquoise to periwinkle. Even the cornice boards were turquoise velvet.
A tall vase of peacock feathers stood in one corner, and on the one wall that wasn’t dominated by gilt mirrors hung every employee’s state cosmetology license framed in monstrously ornate gold.
Shannon had gotten used to Enrique’s royal environment. Hal stood like a deer in the headlights and gazed in stupefaction at the Early Bordello decor while Enrique danced out to greet them.
“’Allo, beeeyoootiful,” he said to Shannon.
“Hi, Enrique.” She kissed him on the cheek. “How are you?”
“Bueno.” A small, vivacious man who barely reached to Shannon’s shoulders, he assessed Hal with great interest. He stroked his chin. He tapped his foot. He walked around him in a circle and peered at him.
“I theenk we have good things under all thees hair, my friend.”
Hal hunched his shoulders and sent a desperate look to Shannon. It clearly said, “Get me outta here!”
She smiled.
“Come!” ordered Enrique. “You seet here, in my chair.” He looped his arm through Hal’s, to the poor guy’s discomfort, and dragged him off to his lair. Shannon repressed a giggle and followed.
“First,