Her thoughts wandered back to Nathan. How could she ever marry, or have children, knowing that it would all be a lie? How could she ever endanger their lives with her secrets?
Temporary affairs and light engagements—a man in her bed, but not in her life—was all she could look forward to. It had to be enough.
Sarah had no idea, and Jennie knew it made it difficult for her female friends to understand why she cut herself off from love and family. She let them think what they wanted. EJ and Ian were the only other people who knew, or who would ever know. They kept her secret safe. Sometimes it was a relief having someone who knew the truth, someone who could understand, even though she never discussed it.
She’d been living this kind of life for over a decade. Lately, she’d been yearning for more in a relationship. Between sex-only flings and marriage, there were all kinds of degrees of intimacy. She hoped she might find something in the middle with Nathan.
NATHAN STRODE OVER to his desk, sliding the laptop bag from his shoulder and onto the chair, then perused his appointment book and the stack of new files on his desk screaming for his attention. He’d let Jennie presume he hadn’t noticed her watching—but every covert brush of her gaze had touched him through the windows that separated them. Still, he couldn’t look her in the eye—not yet.
He turned his attention to a seminar he was giving later that week on protecting personal security information—it was astounding how many corporate breaches came down to someone being careless with a password. It was difficult, because part of his work was teaching people to be suspicious, to be conscious of how people might be manipulating them. For the HotWires, he functioned as a kind of “profiler” for techno-crimes.
On top of that, he had no fewer than two critical meetings today. The morning had completely gotten out of control, the new assignment that had just landed on his shoulders throwing him for a loop. After the unexpected meeting that had waylaid him on his way into the building, he hadn’t even known if he could show up at the office and act normally. But Internal Affairs insisted that he needed to keep a regular schedule, not arouse any suspicion. Nathan had to put the skills he studied in others—in criminals—into practice, and lie to everyone around him. It didn’t come naturally.
He was still processing what they’d told him, and he didn’t want Jennie to figure out that anything was wrong. She’d catch on, though, if he didn’t go say something. He never just walked by her, as he did this morning. He was acting out of character already, and he had to get a grip.
He went over to her, hoping he looked casual—normal—but the way his skin prickled and his body hardened just seeing how the soft waves of her dark brown hair rested on her slim shoulders told him he was in trouble. He valued his sense of cool—hard-won in a family filled with quick Irish tempers, but he felt anything but cool right now. One of his grandmother’s favorite sayings came to mind: If you dig a grave for others, you may fall in it yourself.
“Thanks a bunch, Nanna,” Nathan muttered under his breath.
He saw Sarah get up, grabbing a sheaf of papers from her desk before she walked over to him, glancing back at Jennie to see if she was looking. As she came closer, she swatted him hard with the rolled-up papers.
“What the heck are you doing, Junior Mint?”
Sarah was bestowing her best glare upon him, but he stood his ground, used to dealing with his four temperamental sisters. Sarah was a total ballbuster on a good day; when she was after you, look out. Usually Nathan was able to give as good as he got, and he knew that had earned him a measure of respect in Sarah’s eyes.
“Motherhood is obviously softening your temperament, Sarah.”
“Why did you just blow her off like that?”
“I didn’t blow anyone off, Lady Amazon,” he used the nickname which Sarah sometimes found charming, and sometimes she didn’t—this was one of the times she apparently didn’t. He sighed, planting his hands on his hips. “Besides, what do you know about me and Jen?”
The look she pinned him with clearly said idiot.
He grinned, pleased that apparently Jennie had been talking about him—it was the only way Sarah could know that he’d finally convinced Jennie to go out with him. He certainly hadn’t made an issue of his feelings within the workplace—at least, he prayed he hadn’t.
“I know enough.”
“Listen, I had a tough morning and I’m just getting myself together. It’s nothing to do with Jen. Give a guy a break, will ya?”
Sarah’s sharp blue eyes narrowed as if she was dissecting his every thought to see if he was being truthful. And of course, he wasn’t. But he wasn’t the only one in the office living a lie, either, was he? Everything had become such a frickin’ mess so quickly, but he had to get a handle on things, and fast. He didn’t manage to do that quickly enough, because Sarah seemed to pick up on his stress, laying a hand on his shoulder.
“You okay?”
He shrugged, piling on another lie. “Just some things at home. It’s okay, but it took some of my time this morning.”
“Family’s important, Nathan—if something’s wrong, you can ask Ian for a few days off. He’s great about that. Besides, there’s nothing major going on around here at the moment.”
If she only knew.
Hell, if Sarah knew what he was up to, she’d remove all of his limbs slowly and painfully, and then she’d reassemble them in different places. But he had to get her to back off. He shook his head, pretending to check over a memo left on his desk.
“I don’t need time off, I’m just a little frazzled about being late. But everything’s fine.” He took a step closer to Sarah, making quick eye contact, and whispered, “To tell you the truth, though, I’m a little nervous.”
Sarah raised her eyebrows, and she stepped forward, looking him squarely in the face.
“About what?”
Her voice had lowered to a whisper to match his, a common and reflexive phenomenon that happened between people to increase the building of rapport. When you wanted to draw someone closer, you lowered your voice. When you wanted them to give you their full attention, or to be more comfortable with you, matching their tone was the most effective way to accomplish it. Voice and tone were incredibly powerful tools when you knew how to use them, as so many hackers did when they were chatting someone up to get information they needed.
He shrugged, sliding a furtive look in Jennie’s direction. “Friday night. We have a date. I don’t want to give her a shot at canceling.”
Actually he was the one thinking of canceling; he’d thought about it all the way upstairs to the office. He’d rehearsed in his mind what he would say, and how he would say it. But in the end, he couldn’t bring himself to break his date with Jennie.
Sarah shot him a skeptical look, and Nathan knew he’d been made. “Don’t try your little con-artist tricks with me, Reilly.” She poked him in the chest, hard, for emphasis.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, and…ow.”
“Just stop playing games and go say good-morning. The woman hasn’t taken her eyes off you since you got here. It’s making me nuts how you two are dancing around this—just get it over with already, will ya?”
Sarah turned and strode off, and he wondered exactly what she and Jennie had said to each other. As he approached Jennie, her scent washed over him. He was so damned attracted to her.
He’d been on cloud nine about that fact until this morning. What he had learned today should have put him off completely, dampened his desire for her—something—but it hadn’t. He wanted her. Bad.
She had presence and a womanly sensuality that the twenty-something women he’d