“You can’t blame yourself.”
She looked up at him. “I don’t.”
Her eyes were hard where he’d seen softness and love in the photos of her smiling at her husband. Tucker’s gut clenched and he felt like throwing up.
“At least I try not to. I blame the war. I blame you. Even though I know it’s unreasonable. I do. But still, I feel guilty because I couldn’t hold it together without Gordon. He was made of stauncher stuff. He believed in me. And in the end, I’ve let him down.” Tears were in her eyes. “He believed in you, too. And so I’ve come. Maybe his trust in you is worth more than his trust in me.”
Her throat worked as she tried not to cry. It was clear in her expression that she was fighting breaking down.
“No, it isn’t,” he offered bluntly, feeling awkward. How was he supposed to answer something like that? “I’m sure you’re probably exhausted from the move, too,” he said, when she looked away as if embarrassed that she was crying. It took everything Tucker had not to wipe away the tears trailing down her cheeks. He vowed he would fix this as best it could be fixed without Gordon rising from the dead.
She wiped away the tears herself and took a shuddering breath. He watched her stiffen her shoulders.
He cleared his own throat. “Your husband loved you more than life itself. It was evident to all who came within ten feet of him. Your picture was shown around more than a pinup, and he talked about how strong and good you were. He would never believe you let him down. You should know that.”
She looked away. “If we don’t find a way to save Abe from this destructive path he’s on, nothing else matters. Sunrise Ranch and you are my last hope.”
“We’ll all get through. This is a place of healing. My mother had a dream to see scared and scarred boys find a place to belong and mend. She knew...” He paused and looked across the pastures at the setting sun and the beauty surrounding them. When he looked back at Suzie she had followed his gaze and was staring toward the sunset, too.
“You’ve seen the boys who are here. They are happy, regular boys now. Yes, they have deep hurts and issues that they deal with, but we are their support group. Their family. Just as Gordon was part of our family. You saw some of that tonight with Nana. Even if no one else makes any headway with Abe, Nana and her food and love will smooth a path for others to reach him. It happens all the time.”
They started walking again. “She is wonderful.” There was wistful hope in her voice.
That breathless sound eased a knot slightly that had formed beneath his rib cage. They’d reached the school and stopped beside the porch. “She is,” he agreed. “So rest assured. And I promise it will work out. It may not be easy but Abe will be all right.” He’d never made promises he meant more than the ones he was making to Suzie.
Tucker prayed God’s plan and his plan were the same.
“Let me show you the school,” he said, opening the door. “It’s a simple three-room structure with restrooms.” They walked into the large, open room full of desks and bookshelves and exploding with color. “As you know, Jolie is the teacher. And she loves bright colors.”
She paused in the doorway, and her breath caught. “I love it! It radiates with happiness. Just like she does.”
Glad for something positive to latch on to, he smiled looking at some of the bulletin boards. “That’s true, Jolie is a very happy person and it shows. Jolie loves color and light. She had Rowdy’s fiancée, Lucy, paint the mural of the outdoor scene around the chalkboard.”
“I love that. It brings the outside in.”
He was feeling hopeful now, hearing the excitement in Suzie’s voice. “She loves the outdoors, and holds class outside a lot. At her request we added more picnic tables out back under the trees. She’s great.”
“She and Morgan were really nice at dinner. I heard the boys saying she was a champion kayaker.”
“Yes. World-class. But her heart is here now. The boys are enthralled with her.”
“I can see why. It’s rather intimidating to think about.”
“Tell me about it. I certainly don’t know how kayakers do what they do, and I don’t want to. But the boys like the idea that their teacher has an adventurous spirit. It helps her to be able to talk to them. Plus, she was raised here. Her parents were house parents, and she went to school here with me, Morgan and Rowdy, when the school first started. She has witnessed the power of Sunrise Ranch. She’ll be good for Abe.”
Suzie nodded. “I like that. This is certainly going to be different than the school he was attending.”
“We found having a smaller group setting was a better option for the boys here at the ranch. It will be good for Abe.” He prayed it was so.
He showed her the rest of the school, then took her out back to the picnic tables and swings that sat beneath the oak trees. A breeze rustled through the leaves, and the sunset had turned into a pink glow, making a beautiful horizon.
Suzie turned to him. “Thank you for agreeing to do this.”
He could tell that was costing her. What must she feel about him behind those beautiful, sad eyes?
Tucker yanked his thoughts back. He had a good head on his shoulders. He knew how to handle tough situations and make clear decisions under stressful ones. The emotions assaulting him as he stared into Suzie’s eyes were dangerous. Having a crush on the wife of the man whose death you felt responsible for just was not acceptable.
And if she even got a hint of what he was feeling, she would surely leave this ranch and never come back.
And he wouldn’t blame her at all.
Chapter Three
“Abe, can I come in?” Suzie asked, tapping softly on the door of his room. There was a muffled “Whatever” from the other side of the door, so she opened it. Abe was stretched out on the bed staring at the ceiling. The fluffy green bedspread made him seem small, even though she knew he was growing like a weed.
She walked across the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. He kept his gaze firmly locked on the ceiling, and didn’t even glance at her. Her fingers itched to push the lock of hair out of his eyes.
“I just wanted to tell you good-night.” She touched his arm gently, but he pulled away. The boy she’d glimpsed earlier on the road with the donkeys seemed like a dream gone away. As if she’d imagined him for a moment. “The boys seem nice. Tony and Caleb must be about your age, too.”
His jaw tightened. “They’re okay,” he said at last. “Now can I go to sleep?”
“Abe, I won’t have you being disrespectful,” she said, shaken by his coldness. His eyes suddenly glistened with unshed tears. Her heart broke one more time.... How could a heart break over and over again? How...? Dear God, help me. Help my son.
After a moment she stood, knowing that hugging him was asking too much.
“Abe, what happened to us—losing your father—that wasn’t fair. But life isn’t fair always. Your dad would want you to be happy. This ranch, these people. They made him happy. I just want you to give it all a chance.”
His gaze met hers finally, but only for a desolate moment, then he rolled over and turned his back to her.
“I love you, son.” It felt like she was saying the words to a brick wall. Her heart ached.
Abe’s going to be all right. I promise. Tucker’s words echoed through her thoughts and gave her strength.
Still, it took everything in her to stand up, walk out and close the door.
Tomorrow