He closed his eyes and cursed softly. He’d lost track of the date. For the past nine years he’d spent this rather dubious anniversary in the relative safety of his bunk, reflecting on the one mistake he’d made in his life. He drew a deep breath. Leaving her. Walking away from Olivia.
They’d been high school sweethearts and oblivious to anything that didn’t have to do with their romance for such a long time. But then 9/11 and the Afghan war had happened. A few years later, the invasion of Iraq. Will’s father, a veteran of the Vietnam War, had talked about the honor of serving in the military and Will, wanting to make his father proud, had decided to join immediately after high school graduation.
But Will’s mother had insisted that if he wanted to serve, it would come after college and as an officer. So he and Olivia had started college at Michigan Tech, making the thirty-mile trip to school together every morning and returning to their homes in the late afternoon. Will had signed up for ROTC and Olivia had focused on premed studies. And as their affections matured, they’d planned a life after college. First a wedding and then, hopefully, for Will, flight school and a career as an officer in the Marine Corps.
But Will hadn’t been much of a student, and when his grades had faltered, he’d seen it as an excuse to cut his college career short and enlist. He’d been so stubborn back then, so certain of his decision. And he’d just assumed Olivia would support his choice. But she hadn’t.
Will had known he’d made a mistake the day he’d left for boot camp. There had been something in her eyes when she’d said goodbye, a distance, a coldness, as if he’d somehow betrayed her. And though they’d tried to make things work long-distance, their relationship had broken down. It had ended on October 18. The day he’d received her Dear John letter, four and a half months after he’d said goodbye to her.
He listened to his breathing, deep and even, his gaze fixed on the mortar shell. “I got this,” he muttered.
But as he exposed the connection, Will frowned. Something was wrong. The end of the wire wasn’t attached to the shell—it was simply buried in the dirt. “It’s a dummy,” he said, straightening and stepping back.
He didn’t feel the trigger beneath his foot, didn’t hear the explosion inside the bomb suit. But an instant later, his body was flying through the air. In those long, slow-motion moments before he hit the wall, an image of Olivia’s beautiful face flashed before his eyes.
The odds had finally caught up with him. This was how he’d die. Crumpled at the base of an ancient stone wall, in the dust beside an Afghan road. Alone and so many miles from home.
He gasped her name before he blacked out.
THE BLAST HIT his body, a rush of hot air and shrapnel picking him up off his feet and hurling him through the air. The moment he hit the ground, Will’s eyes snapped open—
His breath came in quick gasps and he blinked, looking around the room to get his bearings. He was home. He was safe. The explosion, so real and intense just a moment ago, had only been a dream. The same dream that returned every night.
Groaning softly, he threw his arm over his eyes and waited until his heart slowed to a normal rate. But someone was pounding loudly on the cabin door—that was the sound that had invaded his nightmare, the sound his brain had interpreted as an explosion.
Cursing, he got up and crossed the room, dressed only in his boxer shorts. He grabbed a T-shirt hanging on the back of a chair and tugged it over his head, ignoring the incessant throbbing in his head that never seemed to abate. Pulling open the door, he squinted against the afternoon light. How long had he slept? Two hours? Or an entire day? He’d lost track of time.
His sister, Elly, stood at the door of their grandfather’s cabin, bundled up against the cold. Will turned away from the door, shivering as an icy wind whipped through the interior. “Either come in or shut the door,” he muttered.
She followed him inside, slamming the door behind her. “You missed your doctor’s appointment today,” she said. “The clinic called me to find out where you were. Dammit, Will, I told you if you needed a ride, I’d come and get you. But you said J.T. was going to take you.”
“He couldn’t,” Will said, crossing to the kitchen. He yanked open the fridge and pulled out a carton of orange juice, took a long drink, then closed his eyes. He’d laced the orange juice with vodka last night, and the alcohol spread a soothing warmth through his bloodstream. There were times in Afghanistan that he’d gone weeks without the taste of fresh fruit, and now all he had to do was open a refrigerator and there it was. “He got a job over in Bayfield.”
“Get dressed,” she said.
“I’ve already missed the appointment,” he said. “It’s too late.”
Elly hitched her hands on her hips. “If you’re not going to go to the doctor, then I’m going to bring the doctor to you.”
Will froze, his hand gripping the carton until it collapsed. He placed it back in the fridge, then slowly turned. “If you bring her here, I will never forgive you,” he said.
His younger sister had always been close to Olivia, but after the breakup, she’d been smart enough not to mention Olivia in emails or phone calls. Even so, Calumet was a small town and Olivia was a doctor. Everyone knew her. Hell, his old high school buddy J.T. had heard enough stories about her to fill him in on all the details of Dr. Olivia Eklund’s life over the past nine years.
After Olivia had tossed him aside, she’d finished college and med school in record time. She’d married another doctor, but when he’d refused to move to the Upper Peninsula, she’d divorced him and returned to her hometown to set up her medical practice. She hadn’t dated anyone in at least a year, but she had reconnected with some of her old high school friends. And she’d delivered J.T.’s son six months ago.
Will didn’t want to care about Olivia; he tried not to be curious or imagine what she might look like now. But knowing that the one woman he could never have was living just a few miles away was more than he was able to deal with right now.
“And what if I did bring her out here? Maybe she could talk some sense into you.” Elly brushed past him and grabbed the orange juice, taking a long drink. She winced. “Is there—”
“Yeah,” he said. “It was New Year’s Eve. I wanted to celebrate and I didn’t have any champagne.”
She shook her head and dumped the rest of the juice down the drain. “New Year’s Eve was three nights ago. And you shouldn’t be drinking.” She spun around and grabbed him around the waist, giving him a fierce hug. “I’m worried about you.” She sighed softly. “You can’t avoid her forever.”
“And I can’t erase the past nine years. We’re different people, El. I’m not going to magically transform into the old Will the moment I talk to her. I know that’s what you expect, that seeing her again will solve all my problems. But that’s just some stupid romantic fantasy.”
Elly sighed. “I’m sorry.” She crossed the room and grabbed a shirt from the back of the sofa. “But you have to get out, Will. You can’t stay cooped up here. You need fresh air and exercise. You look like death warmed over.”
Will knew she was right. But the dull headache he had now could become agonizing at any moment. And he felt more comfortable alone and in the dark. “I am death warmed over,” he joked.
Elly’s eyes filled with tears. “Don’t say that. You have no idea what we’ve gone through, wondering if we were going to get the visit, never knowing where you were or if you were safe.”
Will cursed himself beneath his breath. Navigating the civilian world was impossible for him. A marine had to be emotionless, and he’d lived in that bubble for so long that now he had no idea how to relate to people anymore, not even his