He had intended on asking George if he wanted to do something tonight, but that clearly wasn’t going to happen.
Which meant maybe, just maybe, he should call Jessica.
Jessica.
Now that was one word that was always sure to put a smile on his face. He had grinned like an idiot whenever a letter had arrived for him with her unmistakable handwriting on the back. And when he’d seen her today, he could barely wipe the smile from his lips.
He’d been rude earlier, hot then cold, and he had no idea why she’d rattled him so bad. Seeing her cry had done something to him, made him remember what it was like to see his wife cry. Years of her being the strong pillar of their marriage had fallen like dust to the ground that day they’d found out she’d had cancer. And seeing Jessica cry today had messed with his head in the same way.
But she had seemed on edge, too, before she’d broken down. Not herself, if that was even possible for him to know when he’d never met her before. But all those letters, all those words they’d shared, they counted for something. And deep down something was telling him that she would be just as annoyed with herself as he was with himself right now.
Which meant there was a glimmer of hope that she’d give him another chance and agree to the dinner she’d suggested before he’d blown cold and fled like a pride of lions was in pursuit of his soul.
Ryan sighed and pulled into the driveway of his parents’ house.
He’d already made a mess of his relationship with his son, but he didn’t have to ruin the one good thing in his life right now. Jessica was a great friend, had been a great friend, and he wasn’t going to act like an idiot and face the prospect of going back to war somewhere without knowing her letters would follow him there.
Wherever in the world he’d been, wherever they’d sent him, her letters had always found him. And she had no idea how that had kept him going. Kept him alive when everything else had gone so wrong.
He glanced at George again and noticed his eyes had closed. Great, now he preferred being unconscious to being in the car with his dad.
There was no chance of them spending time together tonight, so he wasn’t going to beat himself up about going out on a date.
Ryan clasped the wheel harder and stared straight ahead.
Not a date. Not in any way a date.
He was going to ask a friend for dinner. They’d already discussed it earlier.
Just because she looked incredible did not mean it was a date by any stretch of the word.
He ground his teeth together.
George leaped from the car with the most enthusiasm Ryan had seen from him all day as soon as they were stationary.
Dinner with Jessica was definitely his best option. Jessica couldn’t stop stirring her coffee. It was the only way she could continuously avoid her friend’s stare.
“You can’t avoid me forever.”
That was the problem. Bella had been her best friend far too long to be put off so easily. But what could she tell her? The truth was she had no idea herself what had happened.
“So what did he look like?”
Jessica took a sip and ignored the way the liquid burned her mouth.
“He was, um, normal. You know? Just a regular guy.”
She looked down again. If normal guys had frames that could fill doorways without an inch of fat covering their bones. Sharp blue eyes that made her want to blush every time they were turned her way, or tanned skin that seemed like the sun itself had fallen to earth to kiss it.
“Normal?” Bella didn’t sound convinced.
Jess nodded.
And received a punch to the arm in response.
“You’re lying.” Then Bella poked her, hard. “You know you can’t lie to me!”
Jess sighed. “Okay, so he was good-looking, but it doesn’t matter anyway.”
Bella started to laugh. “Mmm, so the fact that your soldier was hot didn’t interest you at all?”
Jessica felt her cheeks burn. They heated up so fast it was as if a fire had been lit in her mouth.
“Bella, we both know I’m not interested. He’s a friend, nothing more.” She did her best to sound firm. Assertive.
It didn’t come naturally to her. Not given the current subject matter.
“Did you like him, though? I mean, if you weren’t all hung up on not getting involved with someone …”
Jessica didn’t like where this conversation was going. Not at all.
“Theoretically, yes.” She held up her hand as Bella got that look on her face. That look that made her appear like an overexcited Labrador dog. “But that’s irrelevant because I’m not interested in men. Period.”
Bella didn’t seem put off. “Did you find out if he was being redeployed anywhere?”
Jessica felt her skin prickle, like a hedgehog had rolled over her arms, making goose pimples appear. She didn’t want to think about Ryan being sent back to his unit. Wherever in the world that might be, she knew in her gut it would be dangerous.
She nodded. “Yeah, he’s going back.”
“So let me get this right.” Bella grinned and shuffled her chair closer. “You’re telling me that the guy was gorgeous, you were attracted to him and he’s only here for a short time?”
Jess definitely didn’t like where this was going. She didn’t even bother replying. It wasn’t as if Bella was about to start listening to her now. She never had before.
“So can you explain to me why you don’t want to jump his bones?”
She sighed. Did that type of question even warrant a response? So she’d thought about him like that. He was attractive, yes. He was charming. He was, well, nice. Better than nice. Wonderful.
But it still didn’t mean she was going to let something happen romantically. She’d promised herself no men, no complications, no romance.
So why would she consider breaking her rules now for him?
“Jess?”
She shook her head. “I’m just not interested in Ryan or anyone else for that matter. Not now.”
“You’re missing the point, Jess.” Bella reached over the kitchen counter and took hold of her friend’s hand. “We’re talking about a guy who’s only going to be here for a short time, before he’s sent miles away. It’s not like it would be something long-term.” She paused. “You could let your hair down, forget all about what’s happened and just live in the now for a while.”
Jessica didn’t want to hear this. She wished she could close her ears and sing loudly like a naughty child who refused to listen until her friend shut up. Only they weren’t children and Bella kind of had a point. But it didn’t matter what she said or how tempting it might sound. She was a cancer survivor. She had to focus on her health. On her future.
On protecting her heart.
And she didn’t want to ruin her friendship with Ryan. What they had might be paper-based, but it meant a lot to her.
“Well?”
“No.”
Bella rolled her eyes. “Give me one good reason?”
The phone