Damn. Maybe Jillian was right. Maybe he was still dragging around some old baggage from his divorce.
He lifted the mug of coffee, savored the aroma of the fresh morning brew, then took a sip.
Making love with Jillian—and having dinner with her again last night—had been refreshing and…healing.
When he was with her, things felt different—better. And he wasn’t just talking about a simple case of attraction. He’d actually been able to shed the shadows that plagued him for hours on end.
But the only way he could imagine hooking up with Jillian was if he moved back to Houston and took up his old life.
However, Jillian didn’t seem to be the kind of woman who’d be interested in dating a cop—even if he wanted to go back to work for the HPD. And at this point, he really didn’t.
There was something appealing about Brighton Valley and small-town life. He actually enjoyed riding fence and herding cattle.
Of course, Jillian didn’t seem like the kind who’d be happy with a cowboy, either. A life in Brighton Valley would be foreign to a woman like her.
So why set himself up for failure? He’d already gone through one divorce because his wife hadn’t been happy with the life he’d wanted to lead.
So why even ponder the possibility of a relationship with Jillian, either long distance or right next door?
Because, for one thing, he couldn’t get her off his mind.
And because he doubted that he’d ever be more sexually compatible with another woman again.
What a shame that would be.
As he cut into his pancakes, which were growing cold, he wondered if it might be best to leave the possibility of a relationship with Jillian to fate. After all, she had his phone number, and he’d included the name of the ranch on which he worked in the note he’d left her at the hotel.
So she could find him if she really wanted to.
“I’m going to get ready for church,” his mother said. “Can I get you anything else? Some OJ? More coffee?”
“No, I’m fine.” Shane looked up from his plate and smiled. “Thanks, Mom.”
“You’re more than welcome, sweetie.” She stood in the center of the room for a moment, not moving one way or the other, then added, “It’s nice to have you home.”
He nodded, unable to respond out loud. How could he when he was counting the minutes before he could head back to Brighton Valley and to a different way of life?
“I know that you haven’t felt comfortable here for a long time,” she said.
Coming from her, the truth stung. And while he wanted to soften things, to imply that she was wrong or to blame it all on his ex-wife, he couldn’t bring himself to lie. “It’s complicated, Mom. But I’m working on it.”
Her eyes misted, yet she managed a smile. “I can’t ask for more than that.”
Then she left him alone in the kitchen, wondering if he’d ever feel like a part of the Hollister clan—or even another family—ever again.
Or if he’d even want to.
Jillian hadn’t seen or heard from Shane in several months—long enough for her to start college classes, visit an obstetrician and to finally share her pregnancy news with Gram.
She’d been right, of course. Gram had been thrilled to learn that Jillian was expecting, but she hadn’t liked the idea of her raising a child on her own.
“What about the father?” Gram had asked. “Does he plan to be a part of the baby’s life?”
“I’m not sure how he’ll feel about that.” Jillian had no way of knowing what Shane’s reaction would be. “He doesn’t know yet.”
“You haven’t told him that you’re pregnant?” The tone of Gram’s voice had indicated both surprise and disapproval.
“Not yet,” Jillian had admitted.
Gram had clucked her tongue. “A man deserves to know that he’s going to be a daddy, Jilly. You can’t keep something like that from him. It’s not fair.”
“I’m going to tell him. I’m waiting for the right time.”
“When is that?” Gram had asked. “On your way to the delivery room?”
Jillian wouldn’t wait that long, but Gram was right. She was running out of time.
Ever since the night Shane had come by her apartment in Houston, she’d been kicking herself for letting him go without making arrangements to see him again. After all, she could have suggested that he stop by the next day on his way back to Brighton Valley…but she’d just assumed that he would.
In fact, she’d waited close to the house all day, hoping he might show up or call, but he hadn’t done either.
But maybe that was her fault, not his. She hadn’t meant to give him the impression that she wasn’t interested in him. She’d just wanted to take things slow, to give herself some time to think.
Had he gotten the idea that she was shutting him out completely?
Or had he backed off, only to find another woman who interested him? Someone local and more his type?
That possibility sent a shiver of uneasiness through her. Had she found a knight in shining armor, only to let him slip through her fingers?
Sleeping with the handsome cowboy had just…happened. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. That evening had unfolded as beautifully as a well-choreographed waltz.
She’d never been so spontaneous before, never been so bold as to suggest sex with a virtual stranger. But neither had she ever wanted to make love so badly with a man that nothing else had mattered.
If she’d actually gone to the hospital complaining of a broken heart or shattered dreams, Shane Hollister would have been just what the doctor would have ordered. He’d been sweet, sensitive, funny…and refreshing.
His kisses had been a better fix than any drug could have been; they’d made her feel whole and lovable again.
For the first time since learning of her ex-husband’s infidelity, Jillian had found a way to ease the pain and to chase away the emptiness she’d lived with for months—if not for all the years she’d been married. And in the midst of it all, Shane had taken her to a place she’d never been before, a peak and a climax she’d never even imagined.
How could she not want to see him again?
More than once, she’d been tempted to call him. Yet she hadn’t, which meant that Shane Hollister continued to be a mystery. Each time she’d picked up the phone, she’d chickened out.
The longer she waited, the harder it was going to be. So she would contact him today.
Didn’t she owe him that much?
She reached for her purse and searched for the small notepad on which he’d written his number. It had been several months since he’d given it to her.
What if he’d gotten involved with someone else in the meantime?
Her heart cramped at the thought, creating an ache she hadn’t been prepared for. After all, it’s not as though she had any claim on him.
Oh, no?
She placed her hand on the swell of her belly, where their baby grew, and her thoughts drifted back to the night she’d taken him to her hotel room.
She’d never done anything so bold or brazen before and doubted that she ever would again. But she hadn’t been sorry then, and she wasn’t sorry now.