As Laura Beth left the room, Eloise squeezed her eyes shut as the truth bombarded her. The tidal wave that filled her with longing wasn’t to do something normal alone. It was to do something normal with Ricky. To go window shopping with him. To go on that carriage ride with him. To see the tree at Rockefeller Center with him. She wanted to do something normal with him because she wanted him to be normal with her. At the big formal balls, he could dodge her questions. Hell, he could dodge actually spending time with her just by talking to his friends or dancing.
And she was tired of having dinner with people she didn’t really know. Tired of not being allowed to let herself go when they danced. Tired of pretending to be happy.
But, most of all, she was tired of pretending it was okay that the whole world knew his past, his secrets, but she couldn’t know because he didn’t want it to affect how she treated him.
Didn’t he know her well enough yet to understand that she’d always treat him with respect?
Why didn’t he trust her?
That night when he arrived to pick her up, the insult of being the only one in his social circle who didn’t know his tragedy stiffened her muscles and put an icy tone in her voice.
He slid her cape on her shoulders, covering her silver dress. “You look great.”
She faced him and smiled, but her cheeks rebelled at the attempt to lift her mouth, and her smile was barely a curve of her lips. “Thank you.”
He opened the door. She led him into the hall and to the stairway. She said nothing as they walked down the steps, through the lobby and to the car. But she couldn’t very well walk past Norman without a greeting.
“Good evening, Norman.”
He touched the rim of his hat. “Evening, ma’am.”
She slid into the car. Ricky slid in behind her. Neither said a word.
He cleared his throat. “So...difficult day today?”
She continued to look out the window. “No. It was a normal day. A little house cleaning. A little sewing.”
“That’s right. You work on your clothes the day of a party.”
“Yes.”
“Well, that silver thing you’re wearing is really pretty.”
She wanted to tell him that she’d struggled not to make it a dress with a low back. She loved that style. But in the end, she’d decided to give it a full back for him. She knew he didn’t like having to touch her so much.
Her nerve endings caught fire. Two parties ago, he’d held her hand and brought her close, like somebody who liked her. They’d drunk tequila like silly friends, and he’d almost kissed her. Now they were back to being polite strangers.
Every time they took one step forward, he took two steps back. Tonight it cut through her like a knife, shredding her heart, bruising her soul. Even if he didn’t want to love her, he should like her. She’d been nothing but nice to him.
The car stopped at another posh condo building. She faced him. “This is a private residence?”
“Yes. Binnie and Dennis are hosting a small gathering.”
“I’m in a gown.”
He looked at her. His big, beautiful brown eyes were totally clueless.
She threw her hands in the air. “I am not going to a private party in a gown!” Tears pushed behind her eyelids and threatened to show themselves. She’d been so upset with him all day that this little incident was toppling her over the edge. The last thing she wanted was for him to see it.
She glanced around. “Look, just go alone. You’ll be fine. And I’ll be fine. I can get myself home. I’m not sure where the subway is, but I can find it.”
Before either Norman or Ricky could react, she shoved open her car door and jumped out.
He scrambled out after her. “Whoa! Whoa! Wait!”
“Forget it.”
The whole situation closed in on her. Smiling for people she didn’t know. Spending time with a guy who clearly didn’t like her back. And missed opportunities. Obvious times he could have kissed her or been kind to her that he’d backed away from. She’d poured her heart out to him, not just because the conversation lent itself to her being honest, but because she wanted him to know her.
But he didn’t want her to know him, and he certainly didn’t want to know her. He’d listened to her story with bare minimum curiosity, and when she was done talking he hadn’t consoled her. Leaving her empty. Feeling like no one. Nothing.
Who’d have thought going out with someone could make her so lonely?
Her arm suddenly jerked back and she was spun around.
“I made a mistake by not calling today to tell you what to wear. I’m sorry. We’ll go home. You can change.”
Her ridiculous tears spilled over. “It’s too late now. By the time we’d get back, they’d be halfway through dinner.” She swiped at her tears. “Just go. Go see your friends. Have fun.”
He tugged her arm to bring her closer. “At least let Norman take you home.”
Fresh tears flooded her eyes. Somewhere deep inside her, she’d hoped he’d take her home. Ignore what she said about going to the party without her and comfort her instead.
But that was stupid. He didn’t like her. He didn’t want to like her. She was a hired date. It was okay to be upset that she was in the wrong outfit, but she couldn’t be upset that he wasn’t giving something that wasn’t part of their deal.
Once again, she probably looked insane to him.
They walked to the car in silence, across the shiny rain-wet pavement. White Christmas lights adorned the trees lining the exclusive street. Huge evergreen wreaths with red and green plaid ribbons and shiny red Christmas balls decorated the double-door front entrance of Binnie and Dennis’s building.
When they reached the car, Ricky opened the door for her. She slid inside and he closed the door behind her.
The sound was so final that her heart beat out a fearful tattoo. What had she done? By not going to this dinner party with him, she was proving he didn’t need her anymore. He could go alone.
She groaned. She needed the job going out with him could provide. She needed his connections. And now she was throwing it all away because she’d worn the wrong dress?
She leaned back on the seat. That wasn’t it. His not telling her about the party was a symptom of the bigger thing he wouldn’t tell her. His tragedy.
He’d called her a friend.
But he didn’t share his secrets.
And she liked him.
But most days he was only nice to her because he had to be. And he hadn’t cared when she’d told him her secrets.
Yet she liked him.
A lot.
Felt some kind of soul connection that he obviously didn’t feel.
That was the real humiliation. Longing for something that he didn’t see.
The limo door suddenly opened. Ricky slid inside.
She sat up. “What are you doing?”
“I’m taking you home. I called Binnie and explained you weren’t feeling well and bowed out.”
“What?”
“I bowed out.” He studied her face. “I can see something’s really wrong.”