Footsteps echoed across the flagstone path that led from her small porch to the main house. She half expected Ryan to seek her out and thought about retreating into her cabin, unwilling to submit to his relentless pressure any more tonight.
But the way the hairs on her neck pricked as the figure drew closer made her think of beating a retreat for an entirely different reason. Instead. she remained rooted in her chair as Josh’s tall figure came clearly into view.
“I saw your light on,” he said simply as he hoisted one hip onto her front porch rail. Buster trotted forward out of the darkness, sniffed at her leg and plopped onto the ground.
“I couldn’t sleep yet,” she answered. “I have a lot on my mind.”
He glanced up at the sky above them. “This is as good a place as any to work things out.”
Her mouth curved into an unwilling smile at how succinctly he’d guessed her reason for being outside tonight. Still, she shivered as a sudden breeze whipped up from the creek bed behind the property.
“Your grandma loved that robe,” he said as she cinched the belt of it tighter.
“I found it in her bedroom.” She smoothed her fingers across the soft folds of chenille and cotton. “I hope you don’t mind that I took it.”
He waited until she met his gaze. “Everything in that house belongs to you, Sara. Don’t forget that.”
“It doesn’t feel like mine.” She shook her head. “You and Claire belong here, Josh.”
“If I don’t push her away.” He repeated her words from earlier.
“Like you said, what do I know about making relationships work?” She tried to laugh but it caught in her throat. She wanted to muster the righteous anger she’d felt earlier but didn’t have the energy or inclination for it.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean that.” He stood, walking to the edge of the porch. “It scares the hell out of me to think of Claire with her mother. Jennifer wouldn’t know a maternal instinct if it bit her on the nose. Claire was an easy little girl, quiet and bent on pleasing whomever she was with at the time. Jennifer could send her off to school then shuttle her around on breaks, parading her in front of the media for a photo op before pawning her off on nannies or lackeys or whoever was available at the time. She let me have Claire more as she got older and had needs of her own. Now that Claire’s on the verge of becoming a woman, I’m afraid Jen will treat her as a young protégé, using Claire to get into clubs or entice men.” He ran a hand through his hair. “If I’m not there to protect her, there’s no telling what could happen.”
“Claire has a good head on her shoulders.” Sara didn’t know how to assuage his fears. “You’ve raised an amazing daughter and you have to trust she’ll make the right decisions.”
“I can’t,” he whispered miserably. “The stakes are too high. If I let her go...”
“You don’t know—”
He whirled around. “I do know, Sara. My sister died in a car accident because I left her behind. I didn’t take care of Beth, and I’m not going to make the same mistake with Claire.”
She stood, wanting to reach out to him. For the first time she saw the stark pain his strength hid so well. Now it made sense to her. It was in the hard line of his jaw, the square set of his broad shoulders, the sharp pull of a mouth she knew to be soft as a butterfly kiss. All of that hid the pain and guilt he felt over his sister’s death.
She knew what it was like to hide your true self so thoroughly that you almost believed the mask you wore was real. She knew the emotional risk involved in revealing the wound behind it.
“Tell me,” she whispered.
He turned away again.
For a moment she thought he’d leap off the porch and disappear into the black night. When he didn’t move, she came slowly toward him, wrapping her arms around his strong middle. Her cheek pressed against the back of his denim jacket. She breathed in his scent as she willed away the tension pouring off him. Willed him not to leave.
After a moment, his warm hands enveloped hers and he took a deep, shuddering breath. His muscles remained tight but he stayed with her. That was enough for now.
“Tell me,” she said again. “Please.”
“My father was a mean drunk,” he began. “My mom, she both loved and feared him. I’m not sure which one made her stay. In the end, it didn’t really matter. There were four of us kids. My brother Jake is two years older than me. When I was four, the twins were born. Beth and my other brother, Logan. My mom did what she could to keep us in line. My dad worked construction, mainly over in Aspen. The more time he spent building mansions for rich people, the more bitter he became about our tiny, run-down farmhouse. And the more bitter he became, the more he drank. Then...”
Sara laced her fingers in his. “What happened?”
“It’s not an uncommon story in the mountains. As beautiful as it is up here, it’s isolating, especially in the winter. Especially when there’s not much work or a man can’t hold a job because he’s too tempted by the bottle. When we were young, my mom tried to keep us away from him when he was in a mood. That didn’t always work with three boys underfoot. Beth was the only one of us he ever seemed to care about. She was shy and quiet. A hell of a lot easier to be around than the rest of us.”
He squeezed her hands. “As soon as Jake and I got big enough to fight back, Dad left us alone. He’d take out that anger on Mom when we weren’t around. She’d hide the bruises, but we knew. She never sent him away or thought of leaving. Said he needed her too much. More than we needed a decent life.
“Jake got a college scholarship and never looked back. I started on the circuit soon after. I sent money back to Mom when I could. Jake and I both did. But without us in the house to temper his behavior, Dad got even worse. Beth was so quiet, and Logan was a scrawny, sickly kid back then. Mom eventually kicked the jerk out, but it was too late. Beth and Logan were running wild. Beth had an older boyfriend. One night there was an accident. Beth and a group of friends had been drinking—the boyfriend was driving drunk. He hit an elk crossing the highway and...”
Sara wrapped her arms tighter around Josh’s waist as he spoke. The anguish and guilt were clear in his tone.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she whispered.
“I left her here. I left both of them here. I was so intent on getting out, I deserted them. The twins weren’t like Jake and me. They needed someone to protect them.” He paused to drag in a miserable breath. “I should have protected them. If I’d been here...”
Sara unlaced her fingers from his and scooted around to stand in front of him. She took his face in her hands and tipped it down so he had to look her in the eyes. The pain she saw there tore at her heart. “That’s why you want to keep Claire away from her mother.”
“Claire was the same age as Beth when I left. I can’t take the chance that something in my daughter could change. What if something happens and I’m not around to make it okay?”
“You should explain that to Claire.” Sara drew her fingers through the soft hair along Josh’s neck, wanting to relax some of his tension. “Right now she thinks you want to squash her fun. If she understood the reasons why you’re protective of her, it might help.”
“How can I admit that to her? I’m supposed to be the dad, the one with all the answers.”
“You’re the dad who loves her with your whole heart. That doesn’t always mean you have the answers.” Unable to resist, she reached on tiptoe and kissed the corner of his mouth. “You’re human, Josh. Not a superhero. You know that, right?”
“If