Andrea covered her mouth in horror.
“We opened the windows to get out, but there was nowhere to climb down. I heard the fire engines coming and screamed to them for help, but the smoke was so thick I knew I was going to die. I couldn’t see or hear Denny or my dog. All I remember after that was someone grabbing me and carrying me down a ladder to the ground.”
“Thank heaven—” In the next breath Andrea threw her arms around him, almost strongly enough to knock the wind out of him.
“I told him my friend and my dog were still up there. In a minute both were brought down unconscious, but one of the firefighters put oxygen masks on Denny and Shep and saved them. Denny’s mom was hysterical until she realized we’d made it out alive.
“Later in the week our two families went to the fire station to thank the two firefighters who saved our lives. Denny and I decided they were gods and we wanted to be just like them.”
“I can understand that.” Her voice shook. “Did he become a firefighter, too?”
He hugged her tighter. “No. He went into the military and has made it his career.”
“One way or the other, you’re both saving people, but I can’t imagine going through such a horrendous ordeal.”
“It was awful. I had nightmares about it for years until I started fighting fires and helping people trapped in an inferno. Now I don’t have those bad dreams anymore.”
“I’m so glad of that.” Andrea sobbed quietly. “Forgive me for getting upset over your work. I haven’t meant to judge you. What you do is so heroic. You save lives every day. You saved a lot of the art gallery and prevented our shop from burning. There are no words to tell you what I really think of you.”
“If that’s the case, I’ll ask you this again. Do you wish we hadn’t met?”
“Yes.”
“Surely you can’t mean that.”
“But I do. I may feel a strong attraction to you, but it doesn’t follow that I could handle a permanent relationship. As you can see, I can’t.” He heard the tremor in her voice. “In just a week’s time you’ve been in the hospital with a problem that could have injured you forever, and it’s Chase’s fault. Someone died in that fire, a man with a family.
“I can’t stand it that there’s a guy out there from your own profession trying to kill you. Even if he’s caught, you’ll be out fighting fires again and could perish like your colleague. I don’t want to be around when that happens, because one day it will.”
Rick ground his teeth. “Did you ever get professional help after Gunter died?”
She stirred restlessly and pulled away. “No.”
He studied her features. “Have you considered that this fear of yours stems from his sudden death?”
Andrea had to be disturbed by his questions, because she moistened her lips nervously. “I’m sure his death plays a part in my fear, but it goes much deeper than that.”
“Then explain it to me. Help me to understand.”
She hugged her arms to her waist. “You don’t want to hear it.”
“Let me be the judge of that. We’re talking about our lives here. Our happiness. I’ve just met this incredible woman and already you’re distancing yourself from me. Help me understand.”
He had to wait a minute for an answer.
“My first recollections of life were of a loving mother and an absentee father. He lived to go hunting. If he wasn’t at work, he was out at the shooting range with his best friend Frank, who was also a hunter. I hardly saw him from season to season and hated it every time he walked out the door with his rifle.
“Frank was married, and he abandoned his family to hunt, too. I knew people got killed hunting and begged my dad not to go. He’d just pat my head and tell me to be a nice girl for Mommy. After he’d leave, I’d run to my room and pray and pray he wouldn’t die.”
“Andrea—” Rick was devastated.
“One day my fears came true. He and Frank got shot by accident. Frank died and Dad was hospitalized for a gunshot wound in the arm. While he was recovering, that was the longest time he ever spent at home. But it wasn’t a happy time for me or Mom, because that’s when he started drinking.”
Rick grimaced, imagining her pain.
“He cried for his friend all the time. It felt like he loved Frank more than he loved me and Mom. When he got better, he didn’t stop hunting. He went again and again with hunting friends. Every time he walked out the front door, my heart died a little more, but I knew my pleas would never stop him.
“By my teens I realized he didn’t love us like he loved hunting. He provided for us, but with insight I saw that he was so selfish, he always put us last. Mom did the only thing that made sense and divorced him. She’d always had the shop to run, and that was her solace. We had peace after he left.
“The only reason I had a visit from him the other night was because he needed a place to stay and didn’t want to pay money to go to a hotel. His third wife doesn’t like his hunting either.
“You know what he left me for a Christmas present? Another can of bear mace.”
What Rick was listening to made him ill.
“When I met Gunter and fell in love, I was so glad he didn’t hunt or do any dangerous sports. I knew my marriage would be ideal because he’d always be there and always come home to me and the family we planned to have. But he died, too,” she said in a pained voice that ripped up Rick’s insides.
On a groan he reached for her. After wrapping his arms around her, he rocked her for a long time, never wanting to let her go. But slowly she eased away from him and wiped her eyes.
“I’ve had enough of death and the pain of worrying. Meeting you has proven to me there are other men out there who can attract me. Perhaps one will become special, but he won’t do any of those thirteen most dangerous jobs you talked about, maybe not even the first thirty.
“When I see how well Tessa handles your work, I marvel. Maybe being born into a firefighter’s family makes all the difference. More important, she knows she comes first in your heart and is loved beyond everything. She’s very lucky. I’m quite crazy about her. That makes this extra hard, because she’s at the age where she wants and needs a mommy, but I can’t allow her to become attached to me.
“So, as much as I’d like to lie in your arms and feel alive again, I know of the terrible price that will have to be paid the first time I learn you’re off to another fire. I simply wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
He shook her gently. “There has to be a way for us to work this out, Andrea.” Rick couldn’t conceive of not being with her. After hearing about her father, all he wanted to do was love her.
She shook her head. “You know there isn’t. Admit that having felt the sparks with me, you’ll meet another woman out there who makes you happy again. She’ll love you without fear of how you make your living and she’ll love your daughter. Best of all, she’ll give you more children.”
Rick moaned, trying like the devil to process everything she was telling him, but something still wasn’t connecting.
“I happen to know she’ll consider it a privilege to be loved by you. You’re a remarkable man, Captain Jenner. Fearless. Honorable.”
“Don’t set me up to be something I’m not.”
She laughed sadly. “Tell