His palm smacked the tabletop. “I’m not.”
No matter how much he missed his little girl, he had to put Carrie’s happiness above his own, something his parents had never done with him. And right now his ex-wife was hostile on the phone and argumentative in person. If only he could make her see reason.
Connie got to her feet. “Kate’s finished checking out. You better hurry and catch up with her since you two have plans—”
“But we don’t have plans. The only reason I’m here is because you insist we meet here for lunch once a week—even though I’ve offered repeatedly to take you anyplace you’d like.”
“And you were late today. Now it’s time I got back to work.” Connie glanced in Kate’s direction. “She’s waiting for you. You don’t want to disappoint her, do you?”
Before he could argue, his aunt walked away. His gaze immediately sought out the door, but Kate stood between him and the exit. He mentally ran through a list of excuses of why he had to leave. Each excuse sounded more pathetic than the last.
He straightened his shoulders. Time to make a confession. He approached Kate, who was holding a tall cup with a lid and a straw. She’d understand everything once he explained about the mix-up. After all, misunderstandings happened all the time.
She glanced up and a smile bloomed on her face. The color in her cheeks and the light in her eyes touched something deep inside him—a place that had felt dead up until now. He didn’t want her to stop smiling, not now...not ever.
“Are you ready to go?” Kate motioned toward the door.
He should speak up...explain that he’d only come here to visit with his aunt. That he had no intention of venturing into the pediatrics unit full of tiny humans—little ones like his Carrie. His mouth opened, but when Kate grabbed his hand, giving him a gentle tug, the words balled up in his throat. He glanced over his shoulder at Connie, but she wasn’t paying any attention as she took food orders from customers.
His gut churned. He was backed into a corner with no easy way out. Maybe he could just say a fast “Hi” and then be on his way. In and out. Fast as can be.
“I...I can’t stay long.”
Kate’s eyes lit up. Her lips pursed as though a question teetered on the tip of her pink tongue. His breath hitched in his throat. Please don’t ask any probing questions. Not here. Not now.
Kate’s face smoothed. “We can take the steps if you think it’ll be faster.”
He exhaled a long-held breath. He understood the strain Kate was under...more so than he’d ever want to admit. He shook his head, resigned to wait for one of the four elevators. As though summoned by his thoughts, a chime sounded and the door in front of him slid open.
Like the gentleman his mother raised him to be, he waited for Kate to step inside. His gut churned with anxiety. On stiltlike legs, he followed her.
“Are you okay?” Kate asked, drawing him out of his thoughts.
They were standing alone in the elevator as it slowly climbed to the fifth floor. He kept his eyes on the row of numbers above the door, watching as they lit up one after the other.
“I’m fine.”
“Really? Because ever since we got in the elevator, you look stiff and uncomfortable. And the frown on your face will scare the kids in pediatrics.”
He hadn’t realized his thoughts had transferred to his face. Willing himself to relax, he tried changing his stance and forced his lips into what he hoped was a smile.
Kate turned to him. “You know you don’t have to do this. If you’ve changed your mind about meeting my daughter, just say so.”
Apparently he hadn’t done a good enough job of putting on a more pleasant expression because right now, Kate’s eyes were filled with doubt. He didn’t want to add to her list of concerns. After all, this was a quick visit. Soon it’d all be nothing more than a memory.
“How’s your daughter doing?” He was truly eager to hear an update on the little girl, hoping things were improving.
“Today we get the results of her latest scan to see if the treatments are shrinking the tumor.”
“Will that make the surgery easier?”
Kate straightened her shoulders. “That’s what I’m told.”
He wondered if Molly was the spitting image of her mother. Did her eyes light up like her mother’s when she was excited? Did her cheeks fill with color when paid a compliment? And when she was concentrating while working with her hands, did the tip of her tongue press against her bottom lip?
Lucas drew his thoughts up short. He couldn’t believe in the limited time he’d spent with Kate that he’d gotten to know so much about her.
The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Kate exited the elevator and turned back to him, still leaning against the handrail. “Are you coming?”
He swallowed hard and stepped out onto the pediatrics floor. There was no doubt about which unit they were in as a painted yellow giraffe with brown spots covered the wall, stretching from floor to ceiling, followed by a hippo, tiger and zebra. Large, leafy trees and tufts of grass were painted in the background. Someone had spared no expense in giving the tiny patients the feeling they were anywhere but at a hospital.
His thoughts took a sudden turn back to his own daughter. Would she like the painting? Did she like giraffes? What was painted on the walls of her bedroom?
The fact he knew none of these answers angered him. He should know. Any father worth the name Dad should know this about their child. Yet, Elaina had stolen those moments from him. And worse yet, he’d let her.
He used to think it was the sacrifice he had to make, but being around Kate and listening to her talk about her daughter, he had to wonder if there was another choice he could make.
“Molly’s room is at the end of this wing.” Kate pushed open one of the double doors.
He followed her past the nurses’ station in the center of the floor. A collective buzz of children’s voices filled his ears. He’d made sure to avoid kids since he’d come back from California—since he’d confronted his ex-wife.
His steps slowed. The distance between him and Kate widened. The giggle of a little girl filled his head. He paused and glanced as the child sat on the edge of her bed. She had curly blond locks like Carrie’s and was smiling at someone. His daughter had never smiled at him like that. The knowledge stabbed him in the chest, robbing him of his breath.
“Lucas,” called out Kate.
He meant to keep moving, but he was drawn by this little girl. Her sweet smile threw daggers into his heart. Instead of smiles, Carrie had looked at him with tears in her eyes as Elaina raised her voice, shook a finger in his face and insisted he leave.
Pain churned inside him as though someone had reached down his throat and ripped out his heart. A cold, aching spot remained. He closed his eyes and turned away from the little girl. He shouldn’t have come here. This was a mistake. He needed to leave. Now.
Kate reached out and touched his arm. “Molly’s room is just a few more doors down this hallway.”
The heat of her touch seeped through his suit coat. He glanced at Kate. Her eyes pleaded with him. He wanted to do this for her more than he could say, but the trickle of the little girl’s laughter was his undoing. He needed to get out of there. He needed to breathe.
“I’m sorry. I can’t.”
With that he turned, jerking his arm from her touch. He could feel her lethal gaze shooting daggers into his back. He deserved her anger and so much more.
He’d failed Kate and he hadn’t even had the nerve to explain it to her. Although