“I’m stuffed, Butterbean.” Absently patting her head, he said to the eagerly waiting family, “Your tree’s ready to go. It’s a beauty.”
After giving the kids a few more cookies and the man a set of tree-care instructions, she, Jade and Jesse escorted the family out into the clear, cold night. Together they stood, Jade between them, watching the car pull away. For a moment, as cries of “Merry Christmas” echoed across through the crisp air, Lindsey had the fleeting thought that this is what it would be like if the three of them were a family bidding goodbye to friends after a fun-filled visit.
A gust of wind, like an icy hand, slapped against her.
Flights of fancy were uncharacteristic of someone as practical as she. And yet, here she stood, in the nippy, pine-scented night, behaving as if Jesse and Jade belonged to her. The need for family had never weighed as heavy nor had the longing been so great.
Wise enough to recognize the symptoms, Lindsey struggled to hold her emotions in check, to fight down the rising ache of need. She loved the dark-haired child clinging to her hand. And she had feelings for Jesse, though she refused to give those feelings a name.
Jesse was good help, and he was great company, but they were too different. His grief for his late wife, coupled with his ambivalence toward God, were all the roadblocks the Lord needed to put in her way. She had ignored the signs before. She wouldn’t let herself be that foolish again.
The evening’s pleasure seeped away. Maybe she wasn’t meant to have a family. Maybe the Lord intended her to be alone, growing trees for other families to enjoy, and sharing her maternal love with the children from her church. After the foolish mistakes she’d made with Sean, perhaps the Lord didn’t trust her to make that kind of decision.
Jesse pulled Jade against him to block the wind and tugged her coat closed, though his mind was on Lindsey. He felt her sudden withdrawal as if she’d turned and walked away. When the customers pulled out of the drive she’d been laughing and happy, but now her shoulders slumped, and she stared into the distance like a lost puppy.
“Are you okay?”
“Tired, I guess.” She pulled the hood of her car coat up and snapped the chin strap.
Sure she was tired. Had to be after the long days of hard work they’d been putting in. Though things would settle down after the holidays, this was the busiest time of year for the farm. He knew for a fact she was up every morning with the sun and worked on the books long after he went home. He’d tried to take more of the physical labor on himself, but when he did she added something else to her own chore list. Still, he had a feeling more than exhaustion weighed her down tonight.
“Let’s close up. It’s nearly ten anyway.” They normally locked the gates and cut the lights at ten.
Solemn-faced, she nodded. “I’ll unharness Puddin’ and get him settled.”
As she turned to go, Jesse reached out and caught her elbow. He had the sudden and troublesome yearning to guide her against his chest and ask what was wrong. Not a smart idea, but an enticing one.
“You and Jade take care of things inside,” he said. “I’ll tend to Puddin’ and the outdoor chores.”
The wind whipped a lock of hair from beneath her hood and sent it fluttering across her mouth. Tempted to catch the wayward curl, to feel the silky softness against his skin, Jesse shoved his hands into his pockets.
“Come inside and warm up first,” she said, tucking the stray hair back in place. “You’ve been out in this wind all evening.”
So had she for the most part, but he didn’t argue. A warm drink and a few minutes of rest wouldn’t hurt him and it would please her. Funny how pleasing Lindsey seemed important tonight.
Inside the building, Jesse stood amidst the cheery knickknacks breathing in the scents of cinnamon and pine and apples. The room reeked of Lindsey and the things she enjoyed. If he wanted to stop thinking about her—and he did—here among her decorations was not the place to do it.
Normally, the Snack Shack and all the holiday folderol depressed him, but depression plagued him less and less lately. He’d figured he was just too busy and tired to notice, but now he worried that Lindsey and not fatigue had taken the edge off his sorrow.
To avoid that line of thinking, he gazed around the room at the lighted candles, the holly rings, and all the other festive things that Lindsey loved. Looking at them didn’t hurt so much anymore.
“You ought to put a little gift shop in here.” He didn’t know where that had come from.
“I’ve thought about it, but never had enough help to handle gifts and the trees.” Lindsey was behind the counter helping Jade seal leftover cookies into zip-up bags.
“You should consider the idea.”
“Too late this year. Maybe next.”
Jesse could see the notion, coming from him, pleased her. He had other ideas that would please her, too. Some he’d shared, like the concept of developing a Website for the farm and using the Internet for free marketing. He’d even volunteered to start tinkering with designs after the rush season.
Lifting a glass angel, he turned the ornament in his hands. What was happening to him? Why was he thinking such ridiculous, useless thoughts?
Lindsey didn’t need a Web site or advertising or even a gift shop. This time next year she and her Christmas trees would be long gone. That’s the way it had to be. Justice would be served. He’d have his home…and his revenge.
The tender, loving expression on the angel’s face mocked him. Discomfited, he put the ornament back on the shelf.
Lindsey bustled around the counter, carrying a steaming cup. “Cider?”
Her inner light was back on, and he was glad. Taking the warm mug, he smiled his thanks and waited like a child expecting candy for her to return the smile.
His fingers itched to touch her smooth skin, and this time, before he could change his mind, he cupped her cheek. A question sprang to her eyes—a question he couldn’t answer because he didn’t understand himself.
Dropping his hand, he avoided her gaze and pretended to sip the warm drink. Ever since Clarence had told him of Lindsey’s cheating fiancé, he’d struggled against the need to take her in his arms and promise that no one would ever hurt her that way again. The reaction made no sense at all.
A strange energy pulsed in the space between them and he knew she waited for him to say something, to explain his uncharacteristic behavior. But how could he explain what he didn’t understand?
He felt her move away, wanted to call her back, wanted to say…what? That he liked her? That he was attracted to her?
He heard her murmuring to Jade, but his head buzzed so much he couldn’t make out the conversation. He sipped the sweet cider, hoping to wash away his deranged thoughts. Attracted? No way. Couldn’t happen.
He looked up to find Lindsey gathering his drowsy daughter into her arms. Most nights Jade fell asleep long before closing and Lindsey put her to bed on an air mattress behind the counter. Tonight being Friday, Jade had stayed awake as long as possible, but a few moments of quiet stillness had done her in.
His baby girl snuggled into Lindsey’s green flannel, eyes drooping as she relaxed, contented and comfortable. Expression tender, his boss lady brushed a kiss onto Jade’s peaceful forehead. They looked so right together, this woman and his child.
Something dangerous moved inside Jesse’s chest. A thickness lodged in his throat. Lindsey Mitchell was slowly worming her way into his heart.
A war raged within him. He couldn’t fall in love with Lindsey. He couldn’t even allow attraction. To do so would betray Erin’s memory and interfere with his plans for restitution and revenge. He was within